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McIlroy's Demise at Irish Open Traced to Organic AdditiveGolf's No. 1's failure to make the cut at the Irish Open has been traced to subversive spiking of his Guiness with bramble juice,thus causing his drives to seek out landing areas with organic kinship.
Troll who claimed Obama isn't gay has been banned from TwitterSuch a slur on Da Prez's private quarters will not be tolerated in cyberspace
Clinton Foundation received $$$s in corruption-suspected FIFA bungsSpokesperson claims it was just petty cash to pay for Hillary's plastic surgery and a head transplant for First Daughter Chelsea
Putin accuses US of messing with FIFA's Russian offside ruleAbsolutely nothing wrong with footie officials receiving massive great big backhanders as long as everything's denominated in Russian Roubles
Rand Paul convinced GOP hawks created Islamic StateJeb Bush retaliates, says Democrat Party turkeys responsible for current Jihadi mess
Excluded Critters Charge Court with SpeciesismReacting to the current NY court case on giving human rights to chimps, an alliance of dogs, wolves, badgers, raccoons,&hyenas has charged the court with "speciesism."Said spokesdog Rex,"Woofduhfuk!"
Hungarian President Beaten To Death By All Male Mob For Criticizing Internet PornHungary's President was killed by a mob, angry over rumors that he thought internet porn "unbecoming." He has been replaced with a dictator and all of his political allies shot.
Surgeon General Issues Warning About "Having It Done Up Your Butt"America's top doctor warned citizens off taking "even a medium one" in the rear.
"It hurts, causes fissures and tearing,makes you walk funny for days. Taking it up the butt is not cool," he said.
German Reichstag TorchedThe Reichstag building in Berlin burnt to the ground yesterday. The building was filled with MP's, all of whom were killed. A dictatorship has been declared and the entire intellectual class shot.
Palermo, Sicily Sacked By Muslim HordesOver 250,000 self identified "Saracen" crusaders sacked Palermo yesterday. The group is moving now up the Italian peninsula, leaving piles of corpses in its wake. 85,000 have been reported beheaded.
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