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"Blind a Bigot Front" avenges transsexuals

Funny story: "Blind a Bigot Front" avenges transsexuals

After being blinded and emasculated by an attack Thursday night, Jaden Johnson was admitted to Area Hospital. The last thing he remembers before the attack was referring to a transsexual woman as a man. Hours later, two or more unknown assailants...

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Woman: PlumMart said to purple up or leave

Funny story: Woman: PlumMart said to purple up or leave

Fuchsia, Purplonia [PP] -- An Earthling woman says she was told to put a purple shirt over her orange top while shopping at PlumMart or leave the store. Amber Green told The Tentacle Times she was shopping at a Fuchsian PlumMart with her sister la...

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Animal Trainer Routinely Uses Whip and Gun On Tiger - Has Audacity To Act Surprised When Animal Chews His Arms Off

Funny story: Animal Trainer Routinely Uses Whip and Gun On Tiger - Has Audacity To Act Surprised When Animal Chews His Arms Off

Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meek...

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Giant Luffa Still Terrorizing Nation's Dreams

Funny story: Giant Luffa Still Terrorizing Nation's Dreams

"Just do it, Johnny," cringed out the stuffed and mangled school teacher to her student after being absorbed and becoming one with the giant luffa raining havoc across the American landscape. "Bullet to the brain. Quick and easy. Give it to me no-,"...

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Missing Prostitutes May Be Conected With Science DNA

Funny story: Missing Prostitutes May Be Conected With Science DNA

Police in Las Vegas, Nevada are now searching for a "freak" identified by a prostitute after two other prostitutes have been missing for weeks. This lady is in pretty bad shape but has told police a great deal about her attacker. "It was a male...

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Police Mobilize to Prevent Justin Bieber from Launching More Deadly Egg Attacks

Funny story: Police Mobilize to Prevent Justin Bieber from Launching More Deadly Egg Attacks

Calabasas, CA Police from all over the Southern California area responded to a five-alarm alert about a deadly egg attack perpetrated by pop star Justin Bieber on the house next door to him. Earlier egg attacks caused $20,000 damage. "We are too...

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President Issues "Credible Threat" of Nation Being Attacked

Funny story: President Issues "Credible Threat" of Nation Being Attacked

The President told Americans in a press conference today that there was a "Credible Threat" that the United States could suffer a sudden attack from any one of several countries. "I don't know how we got everybody so upset with us but according to...

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Harry Reid Bites Boehner

Funny story: Harry Reid Bites Boehner

Harry Reid, the Democratic Senate Majority leader, recently delivered a series of blistering attacks from the Senate floor on his Republican colleagues. "They are anarchists," Reid was quoted as saying, "because they hate government. And hating gover...

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Travis Goes Bananas!!!

Funny story: Travis Goes Bananas!!!

OK, I have a confession to make: I think I'm a bad person. Not "Battlefield Earth" bad, but bad enough. What has driven me to all this self-flagellation? What could cause such dark introspection and self recrimination? The answer is simple - a crazy chimpanzee. I still can't stop thinking about the former celebrity chimpanzee who went nuts. How could a story about a former celebrity chimp wh...

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Knock-and-run incident is suspected 'terror attack'

Funny story: Knock-and-run incident is suspected 'terror attack'

Reports are coming in of a suspected terror attack on the streets of London this afternoon. An unidentified teenager apparently knocked on the red door of a local resident and was filmed afterwards using religious language. Witnesses say that the...

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Republicans Swallowed Whole by Giant, Flying Snatches

Funny story: Republicans Swallowed Whole by Giant, Flying Snatches

There are reports that male Republicans are being attacked and swallowed up by giant vaginas. The flying sex organs have been spotted in several major cities across the U.S. In what appears to be a kind of subversive sting operation, the female genit...

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Pack of Cougars Attack Man in New York

A New York man is claiming he was stalked then ambushed by a pack of marauding predator cougars while minding his own business in Manhattan. John Turner, 25, says he was badly shaken by the ordeal and is now seeking therapy however his physical in...

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Curse Of Friday 13th Befalls Blackburn Man

Funny story: Curse Of Friday 13th Befalls Blackburn Man

Friday the thirteenth is a day to be feared. Many people choose to stay in bed on the traditionally unlucky day, named after the slasher film franchise starring the un-killable Jason Vorhees. But few suffer the misfortune that befell Terry Gilchri...

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Fire breathing dwarfs invade Europe

Funny story: Fire breathing dwarfs invade Europe

A clan of destructive "fairytale" dwarfs are causing carnage throughout Europe. Their first sightings were said to be in Germany on February 25th where a American tourist was burnt to a crisp by one of the dwarfs. They have later been spotted in F...

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NPITFA Says Pies Don't Thump People - People Thump People

Funny story: NPITFA Says Pies Don't Thump People - People Thump People

In the aftermath of the attack on Rupert Murdoch today the National Pie in the Face Association once again strongly defended the right of all citizens to own custard pies. Morpheus Crown, nation chairman of the NPITFA, strongly condemned the unpr...

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Vicious Seaside Attack Leaves Locals 'Perturbed'

Funny story: Vicious Seaside Attack Leaves Locals 'Perturbed'

Locals in the harbour town of Brixham have been left 'seriously perturbed', say emergency service personnel, after witnessing a vicious and unprovoked attack on the quayside. Witnesses say that an unnamed woman was eating a choc-ice whilst staring...

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Dog Bites Other Dog's Owner In Revenge Attack!

Funny story: Dog Bites Other Dog's Owner In Revenge Attack!

It seems dogs really have got an understanding. As reported yesterday, violent dog owner Terry Beard, 42, from a Council Estate bit his West Highland Terrier Wesley for no apparent reason. Wesley is well known on the estate as he walks with a pro...

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Stupid Person Attacked by Wild Otter

Funny story: Stupid Person Attacked by Wild Otter

A stupid boy was attacked by an otter yesterday. The youth was capturing the cute little otter on his cell phone when all hell broke loose. The otter was sunning himself on the grass when the boy approached saying, "oh, look at the cute little o...

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