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Funny satire stories about Ashley Cole

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Twonk Tweets 'Twats' to Tits then Told off

Funny story: Twonk Tweets 'Twats' to Tits then Told off

Ashley Cole has been charged with bringing the game into disrepute/improper Conduct over his abusive tweets towards the FA. Cole is said to be devastated at his life being turned upside down and having his good reputation besmirched. The Chelsea l...

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Anton Ferdinand investigated over odd betting patterns

Funny story: Anton Ferdinand investigated over odd betting patterns

Queens Park Rangers defender Anton Ferdinand is being investigated by the Premier League after it emerged that there were odd betting patterns in the run up to the pre match handshakes against Chelsea yesterday. It was well known that Ferdinand wo...

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Football Gossip & comments 17th August 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 17th August 2012

Joey Barton is the subject of an approach from French side Marseille after losing his QPR squad number to new signing Ryan Nelsen. (BBC Sport) I know we love to hate the French, but do they really deserve Joey Barton? The Olympic spirit may have had an effect on Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole, as he gave a young Manchester City fan his Community Shield medal (Metro) EBAY! Frank Lampard, 3...

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Football Gossip & comments 6th August 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 6th August 2012

Blackburn's game against NEC Nijmegen off after 'riots' (BBC Sport) I'd heard watching Blackburn had become tedious last season, but I didn't know it had got this bad. Chelsea defender Ashley Cole, 31, has ruled out a move to big-spending French giants PSG after insisting contract talks over a new deal at Stamford Bridge have not stalled. (Daily Mail) Stand by for an new chapter in Cole's a...

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Football Gossip & comments 13th July 2012

Funny story: Football Gossip & comments 13th July 2012

Porto striker Hulk has denied he is close to signing a deal to join Chelsea. The 25-year-old, who is part of the Brazil squad for this summer's Olympics, is happy to remain in Portugal. He's waiting for Chelsea to play in a green kit before he signs an incredible deal. David Beckham will not stay in London for the whole Olympics after he was left out of the Team GB squad. He will instead retu...

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Euro 2012: Ashley Cole and Ashley Young 'retired' from international football

Funny story: Euro 2012: Ashley Cole and Ashley Young 'retired' from international football

The Football Association today announced that the two penalty missers from the quarter-final defeat to Italy are both retiring from international football with immediate effect. Ashley Cole had played 98 times for England, and only days before the...

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Euro 2012: England prepare to fly home after Italy defeat

Funny story: Euro 2012: England prepare to fly home after Italy defeat

England players are today packing their suitcases and preparing to fly back home after the 4-2 penalty defeat to Italy last night. Ashley Cole and Ashley Young who both missed their crucial kicks, have already been offered a pizza advert, followin...

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Cheryl Cole goes G.A.Y.

Funny story: Cheryl Cole goes G.A.Y.

Geordie Warbler Cheryl Cole turned up unannounced at G.A.Y. nightclub last night to promote her new musical offering, third album 'A Million Shites'. After threatening to kick door and toilet staff (allegedly - ed) with her silver ankle boots, the...

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Brownian Motion Disproved

Funny story: Brownian Motion Disproved

Every schoolchild will have, at some time, been shown Brownian Motion. Those little specks or motes dancing around on the surface of a liquid or even floating in the air. The original explanation was that jostling atoms are knocking these motes, c...

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Judge me by my on-field displays of childish petulance, pleads Ashley Cole

Funny story: Judge me by my on-field displays of childish petulance, pleads Ashley Cole

Chelsea and England defender Ashley Cole says people should judge him on the childish displays of petulance that have punctuated his footballing career, not the equally repulsive manner in which he allegedly conducts his private life. Cole, who ha...

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Has Cheryl Cole Gone Completely Mental Or What? - Local Man Asks After Seeing Twitter Message

Funny story: Has Cheryl Cole Gone Completely Mental Or What? - Local Man Asks After Seeing Twitter Message

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock, barely recovered from the dual ordeals of sausage flavoured lager and a malfunctioning mobile phone, this morning almost choked on his porridge when he accessed his Twitter account and saw a message posted by former Gir...

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Cheryl Cole Makes It Abundantly Clear That The Girls Aloud Reunion Tour Will Have To Go On Without Her

Funny story: Cheryl Cole Makes It Abundantly Clear That The Girls Aloud Reunion Tour Will Have To Go On Without Her

LONDON - Still reeling from being fired by America's version of X-Factor and being dumped by boyfriend Derek Hough, Cheryl Cole has returned to England. She spoke with Loretta Piffinshaw of Ta Ta For Now News and told her that the past year has be...

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A Devastated and Heartbroken Cheryl Cole Is Amazingly Comforted By Her Ex-Husband Ashley Cole

LONDON - The past year has not been a good one for Cheryl Cole. The first thing that turned her happy world around was when she found out that her husband Chelsea footballer Ashley Cole was cheating on her with a bevy of tarts. Cheryl somehow was...

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Osama Bin Laden Has Left His Extensive Soccer Ball Collection To President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela

Funny story: Osama Bin Laden Has Left His Extensive Soccer Ball Collection To President Hugo Chavez of Venezuela

ABBOTTABAD, Pakistan - Reports coming out of the town of Abbottabad are stating that Osama Bin Laden had been collecting soccer balls for over 20 years. Most had been purchased over the Internet from Soccer Balls "R" Us which is one of the world's...

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Chelsea Pile On The Pressure In Title Race

Funny story: Chelsea Pile On The Pressure In Title Race

Chelsea maintained the pressure on league leaders Manchester United last night with an emphatic 3-1 rout of Birmingham City; Kalou and a Malouda brace figuring on the score sheet. It must be worrying for the Blues though, that Fernando Torres exte...

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Cheryl Cole Is Very Angry At Her Ex-Husband Ashley Cole's "Air Gun" Incident

Funny story: Cheryl Cole Is Very Angry At Her Ex-Husband Ashley Cole's "Air Gun" Incident

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Cheryl Cole spoke with a reporter for USA DAYBREAK from the swimming pool of her boyfriend Derek Hough's Hollywood Hills mansion, Casa Cha Cha Cha. She remarked that she is quite upset at the recent incident that her ex-husband...

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Simon Cowell Is Touting Chelsea Footballer Ashley Cole To Replace His Ex-Wife Cheryl Cole As A Judge On "X-Factor"

Funny story: Simon Cowell Is Touting Chelsea Footballer Ashley Cole To Replace His Ex-Wife Cheryl Cole As A Judge On "X-Factor"

LONDON - Simon Cowell, who Queen Elizabeth II herself has remarked will soon become the richest man in The United Kingdom, has stated who he would like to see replace Cheryl Cole as judge on his highly rated reality show X-Factor. Cowell, the man...

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Gazza Called To Cobham

In the wake of Chelsea's Ashley Cole going on a rampage around the clubs Cobham training ground it has been widely reported that manager, Carlo Ancelotti, has lost control of his mega bucks superstars, with Cole in particular, being singled out as 'o...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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