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Funny satire stories about Arthur Pewty

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Funny story: Just Leave Me Alone - Arthur Pewty

Just Leave Me Alone - Arthur Pewty

Alleged Neasden gangster and Mr Fixit, Arthur Pewty of Neasden today appealed to massed ranks of press and paparazzi to leave him alone. Reciting an oft repeated mantra, Pewty denied any link between himself and organised crime, despite being impl...
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Funny story: Actor Arthur Swenson to play Klink in Hogans Heros Film

Actor Arthur Swenson to play Klink in Hogans Heros Film

Actor Arthur Swenson has been cast in a Hogans Heros Film. Swenson's stellar acting in the block buster film Recon 7 Down, in which Swenson played Rommel. Arthur Swenson was the main factor to even attempt a new take on Hogans Heros. A search...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Determined To Maintain Low Profile

Arthur Pewty Determined To Maintain Low Profile

Reputed Neasden hard-man, gangster, and Mr Fixit Arthur Pewty today announced to panting pressmen that he just wanted to be left alone. Pewty, who has been implicated in everything criminal from the Brinks Matt robbery to the assassination of Joh...
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Funny story: I Shagged Ross's Grandma Too Says Arthur Pewty

I Shagged Ross's Grandma Too Says Arthur Pewty

Arthur Pewty, notorious Neasden gangster and crime kingpin today admitted that he too had shagged Jonathon Ross's grandma. 'It was a long time ago,' Pewty admitted. 'But the memories linger. I'll never forget that woman. She was insatiable. She to...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Spills The Beans On Su Doku Evil

Arthur Pewty Spills The Beans On Su Doku Evil

A stunned looking Arthur Pewty, reputed crime kingpin of Neasden and all round hard-man today had leaflets distributed to the hordes of the world's press encamped outside his flat in Norman Wisdom Tower Village, Neasden. The leaflets apparently printed by Pewty's gangster moll wife, the glamorous Beryl, contained a warning regarding the evils of the so-called fun puzzle Su Doku, as endorsed by...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Alleges Censorship By MI6

Arthur Pewty Alleges Censorship By MI6

Following an allegation that Arthur Pewty was dead and that he had a dead parrot stuffed up his arse, Neasden crime kingpin Arthur Pewty today responded by holding a press conference in a local branch of Jock Donalds. 'It's MI6,' Pewty claimed. 'I...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Missing - World Holds Breath

Arthur Pewty Missing - World Holds Breath

Dramatic developments from Norman Wisdom Tower Village Neasden. Arthur Pewty, legendary Neasden crime kingpin and reputed murderer (but he only ever killed the bad uns) has not been sighted for two days. Confusion reigned among the assembled press...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty now an ex-Crime Kingpin

Arthur Pewty now an ex-Crime Kingpin

Reputed gangster and organised crime boss Arthur J. Pewty, a shop worn and rather threadbare former Monty Python sketch character (Series 1 / Episode 2 : 1969) was today found dead at his Neasden flat in Norman Wisdom Tower Village. Yes dead, really...
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Funny story: Hands Off Our Ronny, Sir Alex Warns Arthur Pewty

Hands Off Our Ronny, Sir Alex Warns Arthur Pewty

In what can only be described as an atmosphere so tense you could cut it with a blowtorch at the Old Trafford press room this afternoon, Sir Alex Ferguson issued the following statement: 'Ladies and gentlemen, we have been hearing reports that al...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Denies Global Domination Plot

Arthur Pewty Denies Global Domination Plot

In yet another dramatic doorstep interview, Neasden hard-man, gangster, and notorious underworld crime kingpin, Arthur Pewty, 53, earlier today denied being involved in a plot to secure total global domination for himself and his wife, the glamorous...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty - The Musical

Arthur Pewty - The Musical

Plans were announced today for the release of Arthur Pewty - The musical. West end producer Andrew Lloyd Shredder said that an outline had been prepared and that casting would begin shortly, and that the show should be hitting the provinces early...
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Funny story: Liam Connor Dead - Arthur Pewty Questioned

Liam Connor Dead - Arthur Pewty Questioned

Neasden - Arthur Pewty, alleged hard-man and Neasden mob boss was tonight detained by MI6 officers over the death of Liam in Coronation Street. As he was whisked away handcuffed in an unmarked fire engine by grim faced MI6 agents, Pewty declared:...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Snubs Stevie Wonder

Arthur Pewty Snubs Stevie Wonder

As he returned from the shops Neasden hard-man, gangster and organised crime kingpin Arthur Pewty issued the following statement as to why he did not take his glamorous wife Beryl to a Stevie Wonder gig when the megastar recently toured the UK. A tired, and quite frankly slightly drunk looking. 'It all started when my stepdaughter Cara called us to say that Stevie Wonder was appearing at the O2...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty - Jimmy Bacon Is Dead Meat

Arthur Pewty - Jimmy Bacon Is Dead Meat

Arthur Pewty reputed godfather of Neasden, criminal kingpin and all round hard bastard has just opened his front door to address the gathered media hordes. We report live as he speaks: 'I keep telling you idiots, including the MI6 blokes in the unmarked surveillance van that I am not a gangster. But I've just been informed about a deeply personal attack on my character by Jimmy Bacon.
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty-Stepdaughter Speaks Out

Arthur Pewty-Stepdaughter Speaks Out

A statement released from an undisclosed location, Laura Rebecca Pewty, stepdaughter of Neasden crime kingpin and alleged murderer Arthur Pewty. 'There's no way my stepdad is a gangster. He's just an ordinary bloke who works shifts in a factory. He can be a really decent bloke at times but he has a serious drink problem and needs sympathy rather than MI6 and the media forever on his case. 'H...
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Funny story: Arthur Pewty Apologises To USA

Arthur Pewty Apologises To USA

Arthur Pewty, alleged godfather and organised crime kingpin of Neasden this morning made a dramatic doorstep announcement. 'I went on the lash last night, drinking strong continental lager and absinthe from Barcelona. Sadly, things were said which I later came to regret. I accused citizens of the United States of America of lacking a sense of humour. I am so sorry for this incredibly stupid fau...
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Funny story: US Too Much Up It's Own Arse-Arthur Pewty Alleges

US Too Much Up It's Own Arse-Arthur Pewty Alleges

The US is too much up its own arse to smell the coffee, says Arthur Pewty, gangland organised crime kingpin of Neasden, London, UK. The USA has had its day Pewty claimed. We have to look at things with fresh eyes, and the USA doesn't cut the mustard any more, especially on the interweb, where they regularly refer to people as being fucktards etc. Fucktard is not a proper word, and the Ame...
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Funny story: Brits Are Funnier Than Americans

Brits Are Funnier Than Americans

Hello American People. I come here to challenge you. I allege that you're not really very funny. You just think you are. In reality you have very little concept of humour. You couldn't initiate a laugh in a farting contest. You're just too insular. Adam Sandler - not funny. Chris Rock - not funny. Eddie Murphy - execrable (see, we speak the language too) George W Bush - frickin h...
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