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Funny satire stories about Alex Salmond

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Funny story: Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Mr Salmond found the time out of his busy schedule to speak to ace Spoof reporter FBI AL over questions he is messing with 'The Union' purely to get his name in the history books. "Well of course it's nothing to do with me getting my name in lights or in the history books as the man who tried or succeeded in making Scotland an independent nation," said Salmond, "and in no way am I laying the gr...
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Funny story: Alex Salmond Promises Scottish Only Music Charts On Independence Free of English Queerness

Alex Salmond Promises Scottish Only Music Charts On Independence Free of English Queerness

After a tough week in which critics and supporters both agreed that he hadn't fared well in the first live television debate, Alex Salmond has decided to go for the youth vote, promising that never again will Scotland have to listen to the Top 40 wh...
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Funny story: Scottish viewers disappointed Salmond didn't use "Braveheart" quotes more in independence TV debate

Scottish viewers disappointed Salmond didn't use "Braveheart" quotes more in independence TV debate

The first televised debate between Scottish nationalist Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling happened this week. The two debated whether Scotland should leave the United Kingdom, however many Scottish viewers had expressed their disappointment that Sal...
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Funny story: Duke Of Edinburgh To Be Privatised

Duke Of Edinburgh To Be Privatised

Up to three Dukes of Edinburgh will be operated by the private sector to cope with the increase in Diplomatic duties in any new Independent Scotland. it was announced by the Palace this morning. However, the process by which this might happen is not...
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Funny story: Britain on the move

Britain on the move

England is to detach Scotland from it's seabed if voters choose in favour of independence at upcoming referendum. The plans which had been crudely scrawled on the back of a No.10 embossed napkin surfaced upon twitter this morning. They outline th...
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Funny story: Vacancy For Independent King Of Scotland - Prince Charles Sends C.V. To Linkedin

Vacancy For Independent King Of Scotland - Prince Charles Sends C.V. To Linkedin

H.R.H. Prince Charles of Wales, tired of waiting to be a Welsh King has sent his LinkedIn C.V. to Alexei Salmon, who Charles thinks may soon be looking for a King if Scotland becomes free. The C.V. is known to point out that Charles, although not bl...
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Funny story: Welsh Independence Referendum Imminent After Feeling Miffed about Attention Given to Scottish Independence

Welsh Independence Referendum Imminent After Feeling Miffed about Attention Given to Scottish Independence

Welsh Nationalist Politicians are sulking and not looking at Sky and BBC News because Alex Salmond is now "Mr. Big Pants", according to the Newspaper, CumruCwyddfyddarcfarchnidd Evening Tribune. A spokesperson in hiding at Rhyll Eisteddfodd told...
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Funny story: Warning of Unexpected Mr. Kipling Effects if Scots Independence Comes Into Force

Warning of Unexpected Mr. Kipling Effects if Scots Independence Comes Into Force

Scottish Independence will have an impact on the world's supply of shortbread, a former confectioner has warned in a stark comment on the Referendum debate. Belgian bakers would "cheer loudest" and "the forces of dark confectionery would simply l...
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Funny story: Loch Ness Monster "Wrong Size" for new E. U. Regulations

Loch Ness Monster "Wrong Size" for new E. U. Regulations

New E.U. Lake Monster regulations taking effect from referendum day 18th September may mean Loch Ness will have to be drained and the monster shortened by 2 metres to bring it in line with 22 other European Lake Monsters, a spokesperson from Brussels...
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Funny story: Independent Scotland Makeover

Independent Scotland Makeover

Independent image consultancy firm, Koch Wan has published the results of its investigation into the acceptable image for a new Scotland. Out with: Scotch eggs, stodgy pies, haggis, whisky, kilts, drunken Glaswegians sleeping in cardboard boxes, k...
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Funny story: Search Continues for Missing Scotland

Search Continues for Missing Scotland

High winds and strong seas are hampering the search for Scotland, which disappeared two weeks ago. Only when Alex Salmond Rushdie, the first minister tried to return home after a garden party at Buckingham Palace did the government notice it was no...
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Funny story: Pledge to Make Whiskey Taste Nice if Scots Win Independence Vote

Pledge to Make Whiskey Taste Nice if Scots Win Independence Vote

A pledge has been made by Jacobite, Alexei Salmon to make Scotch Whiskey palatable if he is crowned King of Scotland after the Independence vote. Scotland's nasty National beverage which was once used to induce vomiting after cases of poisoning wi...
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Funny story: Mathematics to be abolished in an independent Scotland

Mathematics to be abolished in an independent Scotland

Mathematics would not exist in an independent Scotland. The startling revelation was made today in a speech by First Minister Alex Salmond, where he outlined more of his plans for the country in the event of a Yes vote. The shock announcement...
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Funny story: Scottish Tourist Board unveils Giant Peat Bog to destroy Welsh Bog tourism hopes

Scottish Tourist Board unveils Giant Peat Bog to destroy Welsh Bog tourism hopes

Bog Wars: The latest exciting peat bog finds will be discussed at a four-day conference taking place in the Caledonian Hotel, Edinburgh. Travel and Tourism Representatives from across the EU will be among the 60 delegates. The event, which runs un...
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Funny story: SNP to open chain of hairdressing salons

SNP to open chain of hairdressing salons

Alex Salmond today revealed plans for The Scottish National Party to open a chain of hair and beauty salons around Scotland. The move follows on from yesterday's comments made by celebrity hairdresser, Nicky Clarke, who said that "Scots are not...
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Funny story: OPEC boss slams Scottish Separatists' North Sea oil shakedown plans

OPEC boss slams Scottish Separatists' North Sea oil shakedown plans

Vienna, Austria - "It's just another crude heist," the head of business development at the Organization of Petroleum Exploiting Countries said today. "Reminds me of 1975 when Carlos the Jackass attempted kidnapping all eleven OPEC oil ministers an...
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Funny story: Pete Wishart to be Alex Salmond's 'hauners'

Pete Wishart to be Alex Salmond's 'hauners'

Pete Wishart revealed today that he is now Alex Salmond's 'hauners' and that he had set up a fight between the First Minister and the Conservative leader, David Cameron. The Perth and North Perthshire MP made the claim following a series of secret me...
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Funny story: Cameron told 'hard to get' is best tactic for Scotland

Cameron told 'hard to get' is best tactic for Scotland

Relationship counsellors everywhere have been shaking their heads knowingly after the Prime Minister's latest impassioned entreaty to Scotland. Tamsin Potter from Relate advised, 'He won't get anywhere by acting desperate. He should play it cool. Ins...
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