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Funny story:  Warning of Unexpected Mr. Kipling  Effects  if Scots Independence Comes Into Force

Warning of Unexpected Mr. Kipling Effects if Scots Independence Comes Into Force

Scottish Independence will have an impact on the world's supply of shortbread, a former confectioner has warned in a stark comment on the Referendum debate. Belgian bakers would "cheer loudest" and "the forces of dark confectionery would simply l...
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Funny story:  Loch Ness Monster  "Wrong Size"  for new  E. U. Regulations

Loch Ness Monster "Wrong Size" for new E. U. Regulations

New E.U. Lake Monster regulations taking effect from referendum day 18th September may mean Loch Ness will have to be drained and the monster shortened by 2 metres to bring it in line with 22 other European Lake Monsters, a spokesperson from Brussels...
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Funny story:  Independent Scotland Makeover

Independent Scotland Makeover

Independent image consultancy firm, Koch Wan has published the results of its investigation into the acceptable image for a new Scotland. Out with: Scotch eggs, stodgy pies, haggis, whisky, kilts, drunken Glaswegians sleeping in cardboard boxes, k...
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Funny story:  Search Continues for Missing Scotland

Search Continues for Missing Scotland

High winds and strong seas are hampering the search for Scotland, which disappeared two weeks ago. Only when Alex Salmond Rushdie, the first minister tried to return home after a garden party at Buckingham Palace did the government notice it was no...
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Funny story:  Pledge to Make Whiskey  Taste Nice if Scots Win Independence Vote

Pledge to Make Whiskey Taste Nice if Scots Win Independence Vote

A pledge has been made by Jacobite, Alexei Salmon to make Scotch Whiskey palatable if he is crowned King of Scotland after the Independence vote. Scotland's nasty National beverage which was once used to induce vomiting after cases of poisoning wi...
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Funny story:  Mathematics to be abolished in an independent Scotland

Mathematics to be abolished in an independent Scotland

Mathematics would not exist in an independent Scotland. The startling revelation was made today in a speech by First Minister Alex Salmond, where he outlined more of his plans for the country in the event of a Yes vote. The shock announcement...
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Funny story:  Scottish  Tourist Board unveils Giant Peat Bog to destroy Welsh Bog tourism hopes

Scottish Tourist Board unveils Giant Peat Bog to destroy Welsh Bog tourism hopes

Bog Wars: The latest exciting peat bog finds will be discussed at a four-day conference taking place in the Caledonian Hotel, Edinburgh. Travel and Tourism Representatives from across the EU will be among the 60 delegates. The event, which runs un...
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Funny story:  SNP to open chain of hairdressing salons

SNP to open chain of hairdressing salons

Alex Salmond today revealed plans for The Scottish National Party to open a chain of hair and beauty salons around Scotland. The move follows on from yesterday's comments made by celebrity hairdresser, Nicky Clarke, who said that "Scots are not...
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Funny story:  OPEC boss slams Scottish Separatists' North Sea oil shakedown plans

OPEC boss slams Scottish Separatists' North Sea oil shakedown plans

Vienna, Austria - "It's just another crude heist," the head of business development at the Organization of Petroleum Exploiting Countries said today. "Reminds me of 1975 when Carlos the Jackass attempted kidnapping all eleven OPEC oil ministers an...
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Funny story:  Pete Wishart to be Alex Salmond's 'hauners'

Pete Wishart to be Alex Salmond's 'hauners'

Pete Wishart revealed today that he is now Alex Salmond's 'hauners' and that he had set up a fight between the First Minister and the Conservative leader, David Cameron. The Perth and North Perthshire MP made the claim following a series of secret me...
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Funny story:  Cameron told 'hard to get' is best tactic for Scotland

Cameron told 'hard to get' is best tactic for Scotland

Relationship counsellors everywhere have been shaking their heads knowingly after the Prime Minister's latest impassioned entreaty to Scotland. Tamsin Potter from Relate advised, 'He won't get anywhere by acting desperate. He should play it cool. Ins...
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Funny story:  London MPs warn Scotland 'Vote for independence, reduce GDP by 8%, bring down wrath of Zeus'

London MPs warn Scotland 'Vote for independence, reduce GDP by 8%, bring down wrath of Zeus'

Westminster politicians of all colours started the 'No For Independence' campaign by suggesting that if Scotland left the Union there would be terrible economic and social consequences. One cabinet member said 'Isolation would risk inward investme...
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Funny story:  Scottish independence put on hold

Scottish independence put on hold

Alex Salmond has announced that Scottish independence has been put on hold until such time that Andy Murray has received a knighthood for doing his job better than anybody else. "If Scotland seceded from the Union before the honours list," said Sa...
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Funny story:  Scottish Nationalist Chavs mourn Hugo Chavez

Scottish Nationalist Chavs mourn Hugo Chavez

Glasgow - The Venezuelan dictator famously gave his name to legions of 'council housed and violent' Brits known by the pejorative epithet 'Chav'. Identifiable by blingy street-couture chic the subculture's Scottish Nationalist branch is in mournin...
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Funny story:  Ex-Cardinal Keith O'Brien checks in to exorcism boot camp

Ex-Cardinal Keith O'Brien checks in to exorcism boot camp

John o'Groats - Scotland's former primate is donning a hairshirt at a secluded rehab for penitent old Catlicks. The retreat is famous for its self-debriefing therapies that let penitents talk themselves out of x-rated stuff deemed too gross for th...
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Funny story:  Alex Salmond and Cristina Kirchner 'joined at the hip' says energy security think tank

Alex Salmond and Cristina Kirchner 'joined at the hip' says energy security think tank

North Sea - Claims to North Sea oil and gas by the Scottish separatists' leader have been likened to Argentine President Cristina 'Mad Dog' Kirchner's obsession with the Falklands Islands a leading think tank said today. "Neither has a hope in he...
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Funny story:  That Twat Blair to Marry That Twat Salmond

That Twat Blair to Marry That Twat Salmond

In a shock Holyrood announcement from the normally ignored Scottish Parliament, the marriage of Alexander Salmond (bachelor of the parish of fat, small fuckwits) and Tony Blair (spinster of the parish of unholy arseholes) has been announced. With...
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Funny story:  Holyrood Cabinet Goes On Tour - Ministers In Fear Of Salmond's Tests

Holyrood Cabinet Goes On Tour - Ministers In Fear Of Salmond's Tests

Scottish ministers fear the savage retribution of their leader after their annual summer tour of the country during which they will hold meetings on Skye, and in Renfrew and Orkney. This will be the fifth consecutive year that the Cabinet has emba...
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True Facts From Snoops #1345

When alarmed, Oprah Winfrey can swell up to five times her normal size. She was taught this by Dr. Oz.

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