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Funny satire stories about Alex Salmond

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Funny story: Freed Abu Qatada shaves off beard, vows to replace Alex Salmond as head of Scottish Nationalists

Freed Abu Qatada shaves off beard, vows to replace Alex Salmond as head of Scottish Nationalists

Amman, Jordan - Radical hate-spreading preacher Abu Qatada walked from court a free man today following a Not Guilty verdict in the 'Millenium Plot' trial. Prosecutors had claimed he sought to plant improvised explosive devices - IEDs - in a Jorda...
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Funny story: Scottish Money Amnesty - Notes Can Be Exchanged At Banks from Tomorrow

Scottish Money Amnesty - Notes Can Be Exchanged At Banks from Tomorrow

Scottish £5 £10 and £50 notes no longer required after the failed Independence bid may be handed in or posted to banks for free exchange for real money, a spokesperson for the Exchequer said this morning. The notes, notoriously difficult to purch...
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Funny story: Windfall Tax On Scots After They Are Tricked Into Revealing Scotland's Assets

Windfall Tax On Scots After They Are Tricked Into Revealing Scotland's Assets

Chancellor Georgie MacOsbourne was today jubilant after accountants totted up Scotland's declared wealth. An immediate windfall tax has been approved of £100 per year per Scottish person. The normally canny and some say downright mean Scottish peo...
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Funny story: Queen Demands Alex Salmond's Head On A Pike

Queen Demands Alex Salmond's Head On A Pike

Despite carrying letters of safe conduct and passage to England, former Scottish first minister Alex Salmond was handed over to English soldiers at Robroyston near Glasgow late Friday night and has been transported to London on the orders of Queen El...
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Funny story: Royal Family Unhappy With The Scottish "Mess" - Drastic Action Needed - Prince Philip

Royal Family Unhappy With The Scottish "Mess" - Drastic Action Needed - Prince Philip

In an unprecedented attack on the state of the Scottish coastline, Prince Philip told a meeting of Cartographers that Prince Charles had drawn up plans to Polyfill the crevices and uneven edges around the Scottish Coastline so that it would look neat...
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Funny story: Scottish Vote - North Of England Plead "Please Don't Leave Us With This Bloody Lot"

Scottish Vote - North Of England Plead "Please Don't Leave Us With This Bloody Lot"

The North of England is said to be inconsolable after polls have indicated that Scotland will be leaving them. A spokesperson for Northern England told our reporter this morning "England will be a funny shape, has no-one thought of that? Also a f...
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Funny story: Scottish Independence - MacDisney Fairytale Park Bid For Scotland

Scottish Independence - MacDisney Fairytale Park Bid For Scotland

The offer of $40Bn to turn Scotland into a MacDisney Theme Park with Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip as "fairy tale" Queen and King will not be accepted, a Scottish Nationalist claimed while addressing a meeting of the "What to do with Scotland" pa...
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Funny story: Scotland poised to pay out millions if they say Yes

Scotland poised to pay out millions if they say Yes

If the Scots votes Yes to an Independent Scotland in September, they are facing a huge bill from the rest of the UK. "We're going to charge the Scots for the cost of removing Scotland from the UK," said Boris Johnson, momentarily forgetting his us...
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Funny story: Academics Confirm Scottish Shortbread Reserves Higher Than Westminster Predicts

Academics Confirm Scottish Shortbread Reserves Higher Than Westminster Predicts

A projection by industry body Biscuits UK that 24bn boxes of shortbread can be extracted from the North Sea is "plausible", two academics have said. The projection has been used by the Scottish government as part of its campaign for independence.Last...
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Funny story: Scottish Independence Live Debate - Jeremy Kylie Opens DNA Test Results

Scottish Independence Live Debate - Jeremy Kylie Opens DNA Test Results

Scotland's Independence campaign took a new twist last night on a live head to head between Alexei Salmon and Jeremy Kylie. During the show Kylie opened an envelope with the results of a voluntary D.N.A test to establish whether Salmon was a love...
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Funny story: Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Mr Salmond found the time out of his busy schedule to speak to ace Spoof reporter FBI AL over questions he is messing with 'The Union' purely to get his name in the history books. "Well of course it's nothing to do with me getting my name in lights or in the history books as the man who tried or succeeded in making Scotland an independent nation," said Salmond, "and in no way am I laying the gr...
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Funny story: Alex Salmond Promises Scottish Only Music Charts On Independence Free of English Queerness

Alex Salmond Promises Scottish Only Music Charts On Independence Free of English Queerness

After a tough week in which critics and supporters both agreed that he hadn't fared well in the first live television debate, Alex Salmond has decided to go for the youth vote, promising that never again will Scotland have to listen to the Top 40 wh...
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Funny story: Scottish viewers disappointed Salmond didn't use "Braveheart" quotes more in independence TV debate

Scottish viewers disappointed Salmond didn't use "Braveheart" quotes more in independence TV debate

The first televised debate between Scottish nationalist Alex Salmond and Alistair Darling happened this week. The two debated whether Scotland should leave the United Kingdom, however many Scottish viewers had expressed their disappointment that Sal...
View 'Scottish viewers disappointed Salmond didn't use "Braveheart" quotes more in independence TV debate'
Funny story: Duke Of Edinburgh To Be Privatised

Duke Of Edinburgh To Be Privatised

Up to three Dukes of Edinburgh will be operated by the private sector to cope with the increase in Diplomatic duties in any new Independent Scotland. it was announced by the Palace this morning. However, the process by which this might happen is not...
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Funny story: Britain on the move

Britain on the move

England is to detach Scotland from it's seabed if voters choose in favour of independence at upcoming referendum. The plans which had been crudely scrawled on the back of a No.10 embossed napkin surfaced upon twitter this morning. They outline th...
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Funny story: Vacancy For Independent King Of Scotland - Prince Charles Sends C.V. To Linkedin

Vacancy For Independent King Of Scotland - Prince Charles Sends C.V. To Linkedin

H.R.H. Prince Charles of Wales, tired of waiting to be a Welsh King has sent his LinkedIn C.V. to Alexei Salmon, who Charles thinks may soon be looking for a King if Scotland becomes free. The C.V. is known to point out that Charles, although not bl...
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Funny story: Welsh Independence Referendum Imminent After Feeling Miffed about Attention Given to Scottish Independence

Welsh Independence Referendum Imminent After Feeling Miffed about Attention Given to Scottish Independence

Welsh Nationalist Politicians are sulking and not looking at Sky and BBC News because Alex Salmond is now "Mr. Big Pants", according to the Newspaper, CumruCwyddfyddarcfarchnidd Evening Tribune. A spokesperson in hiding at Rhyll Eisteddfodd told...
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Funny story: Warning of Unexpected Mr. Kipling Effects if Scots Independence Comes Into Force

Warning of Unexpected Mr. Kipling Effects if Scots Independence Comes Into Force

Scottish Independence will have an impact on the world's supply of shortbread, a former confectioner has warned in a stark comment on the Referendum debate. Belgian bakers would "cheer loudest" and "the forces of dark confectionery would simply l...
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