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Funny satire stories about Alcohol

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Skies Rain Brandy After Fires Raze California Wine Country

Funny story: Skies Rain Brandy After Fires Raze California Wine Country

Homeowners from Las Vodkas, Nevada to Boozeman, Montana have been pleasantly surprised to discover their rain barrels brimming over with a libation not unlike VSOP Cognac after recent storms coming in from the west. "It should really come as no su...

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Hillary and Bill Clinton have a heart-to-heart talk over vino fino and java

Funny story: Hillary and Bill Clinton have a heart-to-heart talk over vino fino and java

"Oh waiter, waiter, get me another glass of wine." Hillary Clinton smiled at the handsome young waiter, who was also the bartender at Taste of France in a suburb of Flint, Mich., and then scowled at her significant other. Bill Clinton was slumped...

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Jacko and Feducious T. are on a trek to grab ahold of the 'world's perfect beer glass'

Funny story: Jacko and Feducious T. are on a trek to grab ahold of the 'world's perfect beer glass'

My friend and neighbor Jacko and my old English Comp teacher Feducious T. Flynt stopped by the other day and informed me they were on a sojourn for what they considered to be the quest for the holy grail. "We're taking a road trip, then we'll be t...

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Water Waste Of Time

Funny story: Water Waste Of Time

One thing you can always rely on with BATTL News is that we will eventually come back with something irrelevant and pointless just when you thought we'd finally buggered off. Yet after discovering that a "Water Only Bar" was to open in London we k...

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Excessive alcohol consumption now compulsory in Australia

A new law which became effective today makes it compulsory for all Australian adults to consume more alcohol. All adult citizens must now drink at least two litres of alcohol per day. The quota can be made up through the consumption of alcohol drinks...

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Spinny McGintz's Guide to Completing AA 12-Step Program in 1 Day

Funny story: Spinny McGintz's Guide to Completing AA 12-Step Program in 1 Day

Yo everybody! It's me, your good friend Spinny McGintz. I'm here to help everyone succeed in completing AA's 12 Step program in only 1 day. AA, for those who don't know, is something about alcohol, so if you don't drink a lot of alcohol or haven't been arrested for a DWI and been ordered by some asshole judge to attend AA, you've probably never heard of it. Yeah, yeah, I got caught while d...

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Revised UK Department Of Health Guidance On Alcohol Consumption Meets With Widespread Anger And Criticism

Funny story: Revised UK Department Of Health Guidance On Alcohol Consumption Meets With Widespread Anger And Criticism

Revised UK Department of Health guidance on alcohol consumption has met with widespread anger and criticism. 'Government cuts have now gone too far,' said John Smith, a typical British drinker. 'First they reduce spending on essential public servi...

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The Case Against Recreation - Part 3: Diner, Drinks, and Dancing

Funny story: The Case Against Recreation - Part 3: Diner, Drinks, and Dancing

Dinner, Drinks and Dancing This entertainment combo frequently goes together as a dating package. The way it works is like this: The couple knows the routine, they want to have fun but to do it right they need to follow a standard procedure that they can count on. The Three Ds have been a reliable strategy for generations as a ritualistic part of the traditional game playing involv...

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Boyfriend knows girlfriend is exactly one glass of wine away from falling asleep on couch

Funny story: Boyfriend knows girlfriend is exactly one glass of wine away from falling asleep on couch

Charlie Barlow reported with confidence on Saturday night that his girlfriend Stacey Cunnings was just one glass of wine away from passing out on the couch and leaving him in peace to go on his laptop the rest of the night and have some "me" time.

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Queen Mother Beat Me Every Day - Royal Memoirs Book Sensation

Funny story: Queen Mother Beat Me Every Day - Royal Memoirs Book Sensation

An ex-kitchen servant has told of daily beatings by the gin soaked Queen mother at Balmoral, the Royal Family's private super palace. The maid, Eileen Over is writing the story of her traumatic time as a kitchen maid at the Scottish palace. Beatin...

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Being sober now classed as legitimate fundraising event

Funny story: Being sober now classed as legitimate fundraising event

The act of not drinking for 31 days has now been officially recognised as the most gruelling charity sponsorship activity in the world today, it has emerged. Emma Thorpe, spokesman for the 'Stoptober' movement said "It used to be enough to train r...

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Becks - A Review

Funny story: Becks - A Review

After been told repeatedly by various editors/people in the street to "report on important things" and "why don't you get an actual job" we decided to knuckle down and do some real reporting. By that we meant we bought some Becks and reviewed the shit out of what is a great smooth beverage. In the hope that Mr Becks will see this humble review/tribute and pay us handsomely for it, we have sent...

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Sarah Palin Denies Family Was Involved In a Drunken Brawl

Funny story: Sarah Palin Denies Family Was Involved In a Drunken Brawl

Wasilla, Alaska Former Alaska governor and Republican vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin denied reports that her whole family was involved in a drunken brawl over the weekend; a brawl that the police had to be called in to break up. "My whole...

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Huge Investment As Welsh Water Supplied To London Is To Contain Ice And Lemon

Funny story: Huge Investment As Welsh Water Supplied To London Is To Contain Ice And Lemon

Investors are clamouring to buy shares in Welsh Mixers P.L.C as news broke yesterday that gigantic Welsh reservoirs containing ice and lemon are to be commissioned in Snowdonia. An open "aquaduct" system will be built to supply London's Hoorah H...

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Man who gets drunk daily denies that he's an alcoholic

Funny story: Man who gets drunk daily denies that he's an alcoholic

New York, N.Y. - Drew Dow of Roosevelt Island is an ordinary man with an extraordinary ability: his stomach uses excess yeast in his digestive tract to ferment carbs and sugar-dense foods into alcohol. This rare health condition is called auto-brewer...

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Father Blames Son For Drunken Death

Funny story: Father Blames Son For Drunken Death

In a startling revelation, the father of recently deceased Jason Doebsin, 21, has blamed his son, not the alcohol he consumed, for his death. With Jason growing up in a generation that can't hold its beer, he was dared to jump from the top of The...

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Alcohol In Danger Of Helping You Enjoy Life

Funny story: Alcohol In Danger Of Helping You Enjoy Life

An extensive study has revealed that people who drink on a weekly or fortnightly basis with friends are in serious danger of enjoying their lives. Contrary to popular belief that alcohol just leads to health problems, fights and contracting STDs f...

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Former Teen Idol David Cassidy Sentenced To Rehab

Funny story: Former Teen Idol David Cassidy Sentenced To Rehab

HOLLYWOOD - Several Tinsel Town entertainment media publications including Bedroom Pillow Talk are reporting a story about one of the biggest teen idols of the 70s. David Cassidy who starred in the musical sitcom The Partridge Family has just been...

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Breaking news…

Philadelphia Eagles Only Need 2-Passenger Corvette For Official White House Visit After Winning Super Bowl Team

The delegation was the team coach who lost the coin toss and the team driver. The rest boycotted.
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