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Funny satire stories about Alcohol

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Funny story:  Nevada to Lower Drinking Age to 12

Nevada to Lower Drinking Age to 12

CARSON CITY, NV - Nevada Governor, Brian Sandoval, announced today that Nevada will lower the legal drinking age in Nevada from 21 to 12. The announcement came shortly after Colorado announced that it reaped $2.1 million from marijuana sales in J...
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Funny story:  Coke Could Kill (and Pepsi May Maim)

Coke Could Kill (and Pepsi May Maim)

Although there is no evidence in the forty-nine other states (or, as yet, even in Washington, D. C.) that drinking soft drinks could be hazardous to consumers' heath, California, The Land of Nuts and Fruits, will require Coca-Cola, Pepsi, and other s...
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Funny story:  Alcohol Makes You Lose Brain Cells? Not According To Idiot/Savant!

Alcohol Makes You Lose Brain Cells? Not According To Idiot/Savant!

Everybody's alarmed at the recent report that "Alcohol Destroys Brain Cells". Of course, I tell them we only use ten percent of our brain anyway according to those same people, right? So I read about how many brain cells we have to lose and it's...
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Funny story:  Move Over Clydesdales, Bud Lite has New Mascots

Move Over Clydesdales, Bud Lite has New Mascots

ST. LOUIS, MISSOURI - Anheuser-Busch announced today that in light of the difficult economic times, they are making a change in the mascots for Bud Lite and their other alcoholic products. "Feeding 250 Clydesdales that weigh up to 2300 lbs. each...
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Funny story:  Weed-smoking Potlandians debate whether to legalize Nicotine and Alcohol

Weed-smoking Potlandians debate whether to legalize Nicotine and Alcohol

CANNABISTOWN, PO--In Potlandia, marijuana is legal for recreational purposes and is commonly smoked by nearly all of the adult citizens of that country, while alcohol and nicotine are banned. But the alcohol and tobacco industries regard Potlandia's...
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Funny story:  The Traditional British Christmas

The Traditional British Christmas

What could be more heart-warming in a cold winter than a British Christmas - homeless people fishing for leftover chips in bins; people in dole queues jauntily wearing Santa hats while reeking of booze; and supermarket staff and Chinese restaurants d...
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Funny story:  Khloe Kardashian Files For Divorce From Lamar Odom On Friday The 13th

Khloe Kardashian Files For Divorce From Lamar Odom On Friday The 13th

HOLLYWOOD - Well it will certainly be a Friday the 13th that Lamar Odom will not soon forget. His wife Khloe Kardashian, 29, has filed for a divorce on grounds of Alienation of Caressititis Boomba Boom. The couple was married in September of 2...
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Funny story:  Lindsay Lohan Says She Has Said Sayonara To Her Party Girl Days

Lindsay Lohan Says She Has Said Sayonara To Her Party Girl Days

LOS ANGELES - The former number one party girl of LaLaLand, Lindsay Lohan has stated that she has mended her evil, wicked ways and her lips no longer touch alcohol. Lohan who spent three months in rehab told Tequila Tallyho with Left Coast Mirror...
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Funny story:  Crack-Smoking Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Asked To Please Move Out of Canada

Crack-Smoking Toronto Mayor Rob Ford Asked To Please Move Out of Canada

NEW YORK CITY - American Spotlight Magazine is reporting that Tornoto Mayor Rob Ford says he cannot believe all of the BS that he is being put through simply because he told the truth. The rather plumpish mayor admitted to crack-smoking, binge dri...
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Funny story:  Anti-Smoking Ad Campaign Gets Teen Drunk

Anti-Smoking Ad Campaign Gets Teen Drunk

Valvoline, MI - Various public health advertisement campaigns in recent years have depicted graphic ads showing real smokers and the physical pains that they suffer including tracheotomy valves and the like. Studies show that the advertisements have...
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Funny story:  That Budgie of Mine

That Budgie of Mine

That Budgie Harold of mine, forever drinking and all the time. A squirt of whisky, a glug of Guinness it's surprise at all he's still here with us. There he go a shouhy loud at regulare passer-by, shouby in the morning tide this budgie who imbibe. But what else for a bird who sing and squawk and scream, we hang him by the lamppost bright and watch him gently dream. God Harold, noddy...
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Funny story:  Bartender Asserts Local Tequila Drinker is Dyslexic

Bartender Asserts Local Tequila Drinker is Dyslexic

"She kept messing up the order!" stated local bar keep Jim Bean, "she'd suck it, slam it, then lick it. Then she'd try again. Slam it, suck it, lick it. Never in the right order!" When asked about the debacle, the cute patron replied "Does it rea...
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Funny story:  Lindsay Lohan's Favorite Bar Names A Drink After Her

Lindsay Lohan's Favorite Bar Names A Drink After Her

MARINA DEL REY - Lindsay Lohan has made it known in the past that out of all of the bars and lounges she has been in her very favorite one is The Drunk Duck Lounge in Marina Del Rey. Lindsay has been going there for the past three years and she ha...
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Funny story:  Absinthe: a drink with so much kick it'll drill holes in your brain

Absinthe: a drink with so much kick it'll drill holes in your brain

"For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and smoother than oil is her speech; but in the end she is bitter as wormwood, sharp as a two-edged sword. Her feet go down to death, her steps lay hold of Sheol." -Proverbs 5:4 I'll start this in my usual stupid and inane way - If the Internet had an official bird it would most likely be a turkey vulture. If it had...
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Funny story:  Blackpool erect customs points

Blackpool erect customs points

Blackpool, the ageless seaside town, has erected customs booths on all the roads into the town. "There are three major routes into the town," said Blackpool Community Chairperson, Tony Blackburn. "At each of these points, we are putting booths to...
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Funny story:  I'm sick of being a dirty little secret, says kebab

I'm sick of being a dirty little secret, says kebab

Donor kebab has said it is tired of being a late-night booty call and wants men to admit to their relationship when sober and not only after consuming twenty-five Jaeger-bombs and enough ketamine to knock out a small bear. The statement came after...
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Funny story:  TV Sports Announcer Al Michaels Says The DUI Meter Was Broken

TV Sports Announcer Al Michaels Says The DUI Meter Was Broken

SANTA MONICA - One of the most popular television sports announcers in the entire country Al Michaels was recently arrested for having a blood alcohol level over the .08 percent legal limit. Michaels allegedly told the investigating Santa Monica p...
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Funny story:  Cheap alcohol bin helps poorer drinkers

Cheap alcohol bin helps poorer drinkers

Plans to collect cheap beers, wines and spirits in a big bin were welcomed by poorer drinkers worried about Government proposals to increase minimum prices on units of alcohol. The big brewers and wine merchants have been wondering what to do with...
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True Facts From Snoops #1335

Snoops: The average number of toothpicks people swallow in their lifetime? Three. Mostly from laughing after dinner.

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