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Funny satire stories about Alan Shearer

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All Quiet On The England Front

Funny story: All Quiet On The England Front

After England's failure in the Everyone Got A Invite (Except Scotland) Championships the inevitable inquest into what went wrong began. Back and to the Left news believes that we scored less goals than the opposition and that's what went wrong. Then...

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Alan Shearer Will Not Take Reins At Cardiff

Funny story: Alan Shearer Will Not Take Reins At Cardiff

Talks between Alan Shearer and Cardiff City have proved 'unsuccessful' and the Geordie favourite will not manage the nPower Championship club. The former Newcastle boss said: "I can confirm that I was one of the candidates that the club spoke to a...

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Shearer Scandal Rocks BBC

Funny story: Shearer Scandal Rocks BBC

A former BBC employee has shocked the footballing world by claiming that he once saw football pundit Alan Shearer wearing a shirt that didn't have any of these stupid epaulettes on the shoulders. Lesley Agnew, who was a production assistant on BBC...

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Talking tactics with Gabby Logan and Alan Shearer

In another in our series, Gabby and Alan give their insightful nuggets on how the beautiful game should be played. Interviewer: "So then, what tactics would you employ in order to come off as winners?" Gabby: "When playing away from home, you have to keep it really tight at the back..It's suicide otherwise. Get your head on everything. Give the ball a slight tickle with your hand or foot,...

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Shearer Stays Tight Lipped On Rumours

Funny story: Shearer Stays Tight Lipped On Rumours

BBC Football pundit Alan Shearer is remaining tight lipped about rumours linking him with ITV sports presenter Gabby Logan. The former Newcastle United and England centre forward issued a "no comment" when approached by journalists outside the BBC...

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£50 Million Striker Torres Insists: "I'm No Jaffa"

Funny story: £50 Million Striker Torres Insists: "I'm No Jaffa"

Chelsea's £50 million striker, Fernando Torres apparently confided to friends last night that an old episode of British sit-com, Only Fools And Horses was ruining his life. The episode in question revolved around used car dealer, Boycey, who, desp...

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Raoul Moat Manhunt - Alan Shearer And Peter Beardsley To Be Drafted In?

Funny story: Raoul Moat Manhunt - Alan Shearer And Peter Beardsley To Be Drafted In?

With no immediate solution to hand as the manhunt for gunman and suspected killer Raoul Moat continues in the Rothbury area of Northumberland, Skoob News decided to go to the heart of the matter and ask people in Newcastle what they think should be d...

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'No room' for poor presenters at the BBC

Funny story: 'No room' for poor presenters at the BBC

It has been disclosed that the BBC were asked to provide 'poor' presenters by FIFA for the world cup to 'show empathy' to poverty stricken South Africans - but none could be found, even with 7yrs' notice. The best the BBC could muster was the poor...

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Priceless Alan Shearer Art Work Stolen

Funny story: Priceless Alan Shearer Art Work Stolen

Priceless Artwork painted by former England and Newcastle Striker Alan Shearer has been stolen. The painting known as "Tyne Bridge in Abstract Autumn Sunlight" was stolen from a safe at St James's park just 48 hours before it was set to be auctioned...

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Alan Shearer set to return to St James' Park as Newcastle United's famous number 9

Funny story: Alan Shearer set to return to St James' Park as Newcastle United's famous number 9

It has been confirmed that Alan Shearer is due to make a shock return to football, not as a BBC pundit but as Newcastle United's famous number 9 striker. The announcement was made just days after Obafemi Martins completed his move to Wolfsburg, af...

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Jarrow Marchers Set Off For London Again

Funny story: Jarrow Marchers Set Off For London Again

Police on Tyneside were out in force last night, as a column of marchers set off from Jarrow to walk to FA headquarters in London to register a complaint on behalf of their beloved and beleaguered Newcastle United. The Magpies, it was, who were r...

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Alan Shearer targets Joey Barton for punishment

Reports are indicating that Newcastle temporary manager Alan "Niceguy" Shearer has already handed out some notable punishment to Joey Barton following his sending off against Liverpool. It is an interesting turn of events, as given his nice guy im...

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Newcastle United Manager Alan Shearer sacked

Funny story: Newcastle United Manager Alan Shearer sacked

In a move considered knee jerk even by Mike Ashley standards, Alan Shearer was sensationally sacked last night by the Newcastle chairman after just three games in charge. Shearer, tall, blonde, 41, from Newcastle was said to be "devastated" to be...

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Shearer resigns from Newcastle, admits whole thing was a bad prank

Funny story: Shearer resigns from Newcastle, admits whole thing was a bad prank

Alan Shearer has today resigned from the post of temporary Newcastle FC manager. The announcement came at a press conference this morning in which he in effect admitted that the whole thing had been an April Fool's prank that had gotten somewhat o...

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Alan Shearer admits that he's 'A Very Naughty boy'

Funny story: Alan Shearer admits that he's 'A Very Naughty boy'

Alan Shearer, the so called 'saviour of Newcastle' was forced to admit last night that he was "not the messiah, but a very naughty boy." Speaking after Newcastle's 2-0 defeat to Chelsea, Shearer owned up to a elaborate hoax, after admitting that h...

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A new Christmas carol for the Messiah Shearer

Funny story: A new Christmas carol for the Messiah Shearer

Once in Royal St. James's city Stood a lonely football club Where an owner laid out no money Like a dog in a manger bed Ashley was that owner mild Alan Shearer the little child He came from the Beeb to Tyneside Leaving Hansen, Lineker, et al And his new club was unstable Never winning bugger all Geordie fans all must be Hopeful, incomprehensibly And our eyes at last shall see him...

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Shearer greeted like the Messiah in Newcastle

Funny story: Shearer greeted like the Messiah in Newcastle

Following Barack Obama entering London looking like an ass - or rather sitting on one - it was new Newcastle United manager Alan Shearer's turn to get the Messiah treatment today. Thousands of adoring people lined the streets of Newcastle-upon-Tyn...

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Shearer - I Wouldn't Employ Him Says Garage Boss

Funny story: Shearer - I Wouldn't Employ Him Says Garage Boss

As Geordies everywhere welcomed the appointment of 'Messiah,' 'Saviour,' 'Holy Moses,' 'Winston Churchill,' etc ad nauseum of Alan 'God Jesus And All The Saints' Shearer as temporary manager of Newcastle United in a desperate last ditch bid to a...

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Jabba the Trump

I find when I watch cable news in the morning, I much prefer watching Donald Trump talk with the volume off. Imagine an orange Jabba the Hutt as a talentless mime.
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