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Funny satire stories about Alan Shearer

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Funny story:  Talking tactics with Gabby Logan and Alan Shearer

Talking tactics with Gabby Logan and Alan Shearer

In another in our series, Gabby and Alan give their insightful nuggets on how the beautiful game should be played. Interviewer: "So then, what tactics would you employ in order to come off as winners?" Gabby: "When playing away from home, you have to keep it really tight at the back..It's suicide otherwise. Get your head on everything. Give the ball a slight tickle with your hand or foot,...
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Funny story:  Shearer Stays Tight Lipped On Rumours

Shearer Stays Tight Lipped On Rumours

BBC Football pundit Alan Shearer is remaining tight lipped about rumours linking him with ITV sports presenter Gabby Logan. The former Newcastle United and England centre forward issued a "no comment" when approached by journalists outside the BBC...
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Funny story:  £50 Million Striker Torres Insists: "I'm No Jaffa"

£50 Million Striker Torres Insists: "I'm No Jaffa"

Chelsea's £50 million striker, Fernando Torres apparently confided to friends last night that an old episode of British sit-com, Only Fools And Horses was ruining his life. The episode in question revolved around used car dealer, Boycey, who, desp...
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Funny story:  Raoul Moat Manhunt - Alan Shearer And Peter Beardsley To Be Drafted In?

Raoul Moat Manhunt - Alan Shearer And Peter Beardsley To Be Drafted In?

With no immediate solution to hand as the manhunt for gunman and suspected killer Raoul Moat continues in the Rothbury area of Northumberland, Skoob News decided to go to the heart of the matter and ask people in Newcastle what they think should be d...
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Funny story:  'No room' for poor presenters at the BBC

'No room' for poor presenters at the BBC

It has been disclosed that the BBC were asked to provide 'poor' presenters by FIFA for the world cup to 'show empathy' to poverty stricken South Africans - but none could be found, even with 7yrs' notice. The best the BBC could muster was the poor...
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Funny story:  Priceless Alan Shearer Art Work Stolen

Priceless Alan Shearer Art Work Stolen

Priceless Artwork painted by former England and Newcastle Striker Alan Shearer has been stolen. The painting known as "Tyne Bridge in Abstract Autumn Sunlight" was stolen from a safe at St James's park just 48 hours before it was set to be auctioned...
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Funny story:  Alan Shearer set to return to St James' Park as Newcastle United's famous number 9

Alan Shearer set to return to St James' Park as Newcastle United's famous number 9

It has been confirmed that Alan Shearer is due to make a shock return to football, not as a BBC pundit but as Newcastle United's famous number 9 striker. The announcement was made just days after Obafemi Martins completed his move to Wolfsburg, af...
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Funny story:  Jarrow Marchers Set Off For London Again

Jarrow Marchers Set Off For London Again

Police on Tyneside were out in force last night, as a column of marchers set off from Jarrow to walk to FA headquarters in London to register a complaint on behalf of their beloved and beleaguered Newcastle United. The Magpies, it was, who were r...
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Funny story:  Alan Shearer targets Joey Barton for punishment

Alan Shearer targets Joey Barton for punishment

Reports are indicating that Newcastle temporary manager Alan "Niceguy" Shearer has already handed out some notable punishment to Joey Barton following his sending off against Liverpool. It is an interesting turn of events, as given his nice guy im...
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Funny story:  Newcastle United Manager Alan Shearer sacked

Newcastle United Manager Alan Shearer sacked

In a move considered knee jerk even by Mike Ashley standards, Alan Shearer was sensationally sacked last night by the Newcastle chairman after just three games in charge. Shearer, tall, blonde, 41, from Newcastle was said to be "devastated" to be...
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Funny story:  Shearer resigns from Newcastle, admits whole thing was a bad prank

Shearer resigns from Newcastle, admits whole thing was a bad prank

Alan Shearer has today resigned from the post of temporary Newcastle FC manager. The announcement came at a press conference this morning in which he in effect admitted that the whole thing had been an April Fool's prank that had gotten somewhat o...
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Funny story:  Alan Shearer admits that he's 'A Very Naughty boy'

Alan Shearer admits that he's 'A Very Naughty boy'

Alan Shearer, the so called 'saviour of Newcastle' was forced to admit last night that he was "not the messiah, but a very naughty boy." Speaking after Newcastle's 2-0 defeat to Chelsea, Shearer owned up to a elaborate hoax, after admitting that h...
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Funny story:  A new Christmas carol for the Messiah Shearer

A new Christmas carol for the Messiah Shearer

Once in Royal St. James's city Stood a lonely football club Where an owner laid out no money Like a dog in a manger bed Ashley was that owner mild Alan Shearer the little child He came from the Beeb to Tyneside Leaving Hansen, Lineker, et al And his new club was unstable Never winning bugger all Geordie fans all must be Hopeful, incomprehensibly And our eyes at last shall see him...
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Funny story:  Shearer greeted like the Messiah in Newcastle

Shearer greeted like the Messiah in Newcastle

Following Barack Obama entering London looking like an ass - or rather sitting on one - it was new Newcastle United manager Alan Shearer's turn to get the Messiah treatment today. Thousands of adoring people lined the streets of Newcastle-upon-Tyn...
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Funny story:  Shearer - I Wouldn't Employ Him Says Garage Boss

Shearer - I Wouldn't Employ Him Says Garage Boss

As Geordies everywhere welcomed the appointment of 'Messiah,' 'Saviour,' 'Holy Moses,' 'Winston Churchill,' etc ad nauseum of Alan 'God Jesus And All The Saints' Shearer as temporary manager of Newcastle United in a desperate last ditch bid to a...
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Funny story:  Shearer hits Bullseye with the Toon!

Shearer hits Bullseye with the Toon!

Alan Shearer has given up spending afternoons in the bookies to take on the uphill struggle that will be keeping this once great team in the Premiership. "I'm ever so happy", mumbled the eloquent Geordie beaming his winning smile at the assembled...
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Funny story:  Alan Shearer Appoints Shrek As Assistant

Alan Shearer Appoints Shrek As Assistant

Alan Shearer, the new Newcastle United manager, followed-up his sacking of cheeky chirpry Cockney chappy Dennis Wise yesterday, by today appointing his former Southampton striking partner, Shrek, as his assistant. Shrek, 44, has had unsuccessful s...
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Funny story:  Alan Shearer resigns/sacked...

Alan Shearer resigns/sacked...

Alan Shearer, balding, has been sacked... or did he resign. The decision came a couple of minutes after Shearer's press conference, where the board are believed to be unimpressed by his constant fidgeting and annoying body shifting in his chair. T...
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