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Funny satire stories about Addiction

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Life Continues to Get “Bettor and Bettor” for Gambling Addict

Funny story: Life Continues to Get “Bettor and Bettor” for Gambling Addict

Calvin Jones, a self-identified gambling addict, says that his life continues to get “bettor and bettor” as he continues to discover new and exciting things on which to wager. As a former semipro baseball player, Cal explained that he initially gr...

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Neurologist: Millions Afflicted With "Tweetism"

Funny story: Neurologist: Millions Afflicted With "Tweetism"

Hundreds of Millions of people around the globe have a new modern illness called Diminished Intellectual Capacity and Knowledge Starvation or DICKS for short. Tweetism, however seems to be the popular handle for the newly named illness, and as the na...

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Drug Addicts Fund A Kick-Starter Account To Free El Chapo

Funny story: Drug Addicts Fund A Kick-Starter Account To Free El Chapo

Everytown, U.S.A - Coke heads, crack heads, pill freaks and heroin junkies have all banded together in support of freeing their beloved El Chapo, the Mexican drug lord, from prison, by opening a Kick-Starter page. "Our goal is to raise enough mone...

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Lois Lane, Clark Kent Advocate For Clean Needle Exchange

Funny story: Lois Lane, Clark Kent Advocate For Clean Needle Exchange

In the past, conservatives successfully pushed Congress to prohibit federal dollars from being used to distribute sterile syringes to intravenous drug users. Now, with a severe outbreak of H.I.V. and hepatitis due to a surge in heroin use in states...

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New warning to Scotland's parents - shock 'substance' abuse heads north

Health Scotland, Police Scotland and Mars Confectionery issued a joint warning to Scotland's parents and teenagers last night as fears grow around a new substance abuse crisis sweeping large areas of the central belt in Scotland. Teens and pasty face...

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Teenage girl puts down smartphone, grabs book

A Chicago-area teenage girl, who, according to her parents, hasn't put down her smartphone in 4 years, recently put her device down and picked up a book. "I was shocked," said the girl's father, Neil Withers, about the seeing his daughter with a...

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Nation's Poor Smoking More Crack Due To Pot Price Peak

Funny story: Nation's Poor Smoking More Crack Due To Pot Price Peak

A new research study out today shows that the nations poor, as defined by poverty rates, are smoking more crack than ever now that legal pot prices are souring! "I can't even afford a roach now" said 22 year old stoner Cody Nevins. "Crack is by far t...

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The Cell Cycle: Development of a Productive Life

Life begins when the alarm of my fully charged cell phone shouts, "Hit snooze, hit snooze! Just five more minutes. Sleeping five more minutes won't hurt anyone. Trust me, I'll wake you up again." Five minutes later, my cell phone, Ringo, screams, "It's time, time to open your eyes and do something productive. Get up, get dressed, get ready now!" Ringo is my best friend. He reminds me to do t...

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Fighting Healthcare Addiction

It's that time of year when companies ask their employees to sign up for another year of benefits like healthcare and dental care. As the GOP has been discussing, it is easy for Americans to become addicted to "the sugar" of healthcare. Most empl...

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Community Outreach Programs Established Nationwide To Help "Breaking Bad" Fans Cope With Withdrawals From Favorite T.V. Show

BREAKING BAD aired its final episode over the weekend, leaving many fans, desperate, alone, and distraught. Outreach programs are being set up throughout the nation to ease woes. "We see this as a time to really put our best foot forward and he...

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Meth Addicted Dentist Losing Clients As He Loses His Own Teeth

COUNCIL BLUFFS, IA - "It's not like I don't do quality work," states Dr. Ernest Spunn, "I have been making my living on quality AND quantity. I have been moving through people in sheer volume, especially when I'm tweaking! Root canals, extractions,...

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Justin Bieber Explains His Unusual Fetish

Funny story: Justin Bieber Explains His Unusual Fetish

HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Justin Bieber appeared on The Viagra View and he revealed to co-hosts Larry King and Regis Philbin that he has a rather strange fetish. The 19-year-old said that he has never told anyone but he has a strong addiction to Chinese f...

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Oscar De La Hoya Admits Himself Into Rehab For An Unusual Affliction

Funny story: Oscar De La Hoya Admits Himself Into Rehab For An Unusual Affliction

LOS ANGELES - Former boxing champion Oscar De La Hoya has announced that he will be entering The Henry & Betty Ford Clinic. The boxer who won world titles in six different weight classes told Rufus Reno with Sports Balls Illustrated Daily that...

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Candy Crush woman has Easter in September

Funny story: Candy Crush woman has Easter in September

The Easter bunnies are hopping already for a Northumberland woman, while for the rest of us, the Autumn leaves are only just starting to twirl their way to the ground. Edna Ballcock, 97, of Holy Island, has been having problems with her timing eve...

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Couple addicted to coffee enemas finally release names of favorite blends

Funny story: Couple addicted to coffee enemas finally release names of favorite blends

TAMPA, Fl. - The Florida couple who came clean this week about their addiction to coffee enemas has released a short list of the highly anticipated names of coffee blends that they shoot into their colons via anus up to four times a day. Wife Tamm...

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Rowling Sues French Magazine over "The Casual Vacancy".

Funny story: Rowling Sues French Magazine over "The Casual Vacancy".

J.K.Rowling has issued a writ for libel against Paris Match, France's most renowned popular magazine. At a hastily convened press conference her chief Public Relations officer Andrew McTaggart told reporters: "Eeeh,... averybiddy knows that this...

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Facebook Pandemic On the Rise

Funny story: Facebook Pandemic On the Rise

It has been announced that Facebook use has reached one billion, with experts warning as much as three quarters of that figure may be dependant abusers, raising fresh concern about the ongoing pandemic. Facebook use emerged in 2003 with the first...

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Health Minister Andrew Lansley classifies 'Binge Spoofing' as a Mental Personality Disorder!

Funny story: Health Minister Andrew Lansley classifies 'Binge Spoofing' as a Mental Personality Disorder!

Bartholomew Utterswaithe (65), a former Street Gas Lamp Wick-trimmer, lighter, and extinguisher from Nottingham, is the first person to be officially graded/classified as a 'Binge Spoofer' by the NHS. We visited Mr Utterswaithe's GP, a very pretty...

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Breaking news…

Ex-CIA John Brennan Heads Up New Militant Group

Emulating his hero Robespierre, a pissed-off Brennan leads a new faction of Contra-Deplorables. The goal is to execute via guillotine at CIA HQ all those who disagree with him.
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