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Freed Abu Qatada shaves off beard, vows to replace Alex Salmond as head of Scottish Nationalists

Funny story: Freed Abu Qatada shaves off beard, vows to replace Alex Salmond as head of Scottish Nationalists

Amman, Jordan - Radical hate-spreading preacher Abu Qatada walked from court a free man today following a Not Guilty verdict in the 'Millenium Plot' trial. Prosecutors had claimed he sought to plant improvised explosive devices - IEDs - in a Jorda...

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Compulsory brain scans for appeal court judges

From the first of April all appeal court judges will be forced to undergo compulsory brain scans to see if they really are partially brain dead. The scans are to be carried out in private clinics because the government lacks confidence in the NHS to...

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Brits to Send Qatada to Mars

Funny story: Brits to Send Qatada to Mars

In a shocking announcement, the UK Government has revealed its plans to 'kill 2 birds with one stone' as plans to combine solving the controversial issue of Abu Qatada, with the development of a UK Space Programme. USA (The UK Space Agency) had be...

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Queen's sordid shaggings Scene 666, Act 9/11: Abu Qatada

Funny story: Queen's sordid shaggings Scene 666, Act 9/11: Abu Qatada

Newbury - Dastardly non-dom terrist Abu Qatada may not be quite so Jordanian as most people think according to latest DNA findings. Apparently he is the rogue spawn of the Queen's sordid shaggings with Shaikh Rashid RIP, late Ruler of Dubai. T...

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May Days Alarming Cock Up

Funny story: May Days Alarming Cock Up

Theresa May has got her days in a muddle in a European Court bid by Abu Guitar over his deportation to Jordan. May claims she has the date of May Day right because it is her birthday. 'Would I get that wrong?' she asked a puzzled House of Commons.

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Abu Qatada May Go Or He May Not. He May Be Gone By May. May Still Be Here For The Olympics

Funny story: Abu Qatada May Go Or He May Not. He May Be Gone By May. May Still Be Here For The Olympics

Home Secretary Theresa May, may or may not have got her dates confused over the appeal deadline for terror suspect, Abu Qatada, although independent lawyers insist that Qatada may or may not be deported by May - stating that a monumental cock-up with...

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Abu Qatada sent to Jordan

Theresa May has announced that she's sending preacher Abu Qatada back to Jordan. Qatada was deeply distressed by this and said 'No, please don't make me go. Jordan makes me dress in pink hot pants and every night she sings at me until I scream. I wou...

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Abu Qatada to be extradited to Seer Green & Jordans

Funny story: Abu Qatada to be extradited to Seer Green & Jordans

Buckinghamshire - Residents of the posh Chilterns enclave promised today not to torture the old terrist bastard ahead of Theresa May's statement in the House of Commons. Months of worry that some villagers might be tempted to follow the 'concrete...

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Candidates for Archbishop of Canterbury post announced

Funny story: Candidates for Archbishop of Canterbury post announced

After an initial flurry by headhunting and recruitment parasites who quickly withdrew when they realised there was no commission in it, the official short list has been announced. Chief Rabbi Lord Sachs who himself is retiring soon was in talks wi...

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Troops on stand-by as Abu Qatada invited to Palace for Valentine's Happy Meal

Funny story: Troops on stand-by as Abu Qatada invited to Palace for Valentine's Happy Meal

London - The Queen's face turned puce this morning as flunkeys revealed the ID of the 'Secret Valentine' being parachuted in by human frights lawyers to dinner at the Palace tomorrow night. Apparently it's part of the rehabilitation of fat extremi...

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BBC warns against 'fat extremist' slur

Funny story: BBC warns against 'fat extremist' slur

London - Journalists at the Corporation have been barred from calling the grossly obese - such as bankers - 'fat cats' after some City big wigs lost a bit of weight over January. The move follows a complaint from a once portly RBS director who poi...

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Radical cleric Abu Qatada says he will go to Jordan

Funny story: Radical cleric Abu Qatada says he will go to Jordan

In a strange turnarond of affairs, the firebrand and radical Muslim cleric, Abu Qatada, has now said that he will happily be sent to Jordan by the British Government. Mr Qatada, whose name in English means "murdering bastard", was on remand in jai...

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Law Lords deport Abu Qatada because "his beard is too long

Funny story: Law Lords deport Abu Qatada because "his beard is too long

Jordanian terrorist and beard fanatic Abu Qatada lost his appeal against deportation. In a unanimous decision, five Law Lords lambasted the length of the radical cleric's beard, saying that there was simply no room in the country for beards of that l...

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Abu Qatada Deported To Wales

Funny story: Abu Qatada Deported To Wales

Law Lords deliberating over the appeal against deportation of the radical Muslim cleric Abu Qatada, have given the all-clear for his deportation from the UK to go ahead as soon as possible. He will be sent to Wales this afternoon. Qatada had ap...

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Al Qaeda 'Mothman' Prophecies and the Official State Opening of the Can of Worms

Funny story: Al Qaeda 'Mothman' Prophecies and the Official State Opening of the Can of Worms

London - (9/11 Mess): Osama bin Laden's right hand-job man, Omar Mahmoud Othman, - also known by aliases as 'Omar the Mothman' and Abu Qatada, has been caught in a plot to nuke the Palace of Westmonster on Wednesday's Official State Opening of Parlia...

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