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Funny satire stories about ATM

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Milked cows run stampede at a Lancashire ATM!

Funny story: Milked cows run stampede at a Lancashire ATM!

Police were called out to a filling up station on the M61 near Chorley, Lancashire, yesterday as a herd of dissatisfied cows attempted to raid an ATM! The cows broke out of their paddock claiming the farmer paid them less than the minimum wage for...

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New National Sperm Bank "ATM" Machine Proposal

Funny story: New National Sperm Bank "ATM" Machine Proposal

The new National Sperm Bank in Birmingham is to have "night deposit boxes" and sperm withdrawal A.T.M machines like any other bank, a spokesperson for the N.S.B told our sperm welfare staff this morning. Nasty letters will be sent out to customer...

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Local Woman Arrested After Asking Men to Strip in Front of Her!

Funny story: Local Woman Arrested After Asking Men to Strip in Front of Her!

The police in Salt Lake City have arrested a beautiful lady that has been a bank teller there for several years. She was charged with asking several local men to strip in front of her and some of the men were married and some not. "It was very...

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Sperm Banks ATM Machines Not The Best Idea!

Funny story: Sperm Banks ATM Machines Not The Best Idea!

Several cities, because of the lack of donations, have placed after hours ATM Machines at their sperm banks. Now you can go to the blood plasma bank and get some cash and then you go over to the Sperm Bank ATM and who knows how many children we wi...

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New ATM Opens At Local Sperm Bank

After several months of construction, the staff at Little Wigglies Sperm Bank celebrated the opening of their eagerly anticipated ATM today. "It was very exciting. We had a ribbon cutting ceremony and served Red Bull and oyster snacks," gushed...

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Bank of America Joins Forces with Astrology.web to Introduce Automatic Fortune Teller Machine

Funny story: Bank of America Joins Forces with Astrology.web to Introduce Automatic Fortune Teller Machine

Bank of America, in partnership with Astrology.web, recently announced its latest initiative: the Automatic Fortune Teller Machine, which combines modern-day financial technology with age-old astrological principles. Millions of AFTMs will become ava...

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The Snake at the ATM Machine: First Interview

Funny story: The Snake at the ATM Machine: First Interview

The trouble began when a customer found not only cash but also a snake waiting for him at the ATM machine in Spain. Eek! All's well that ends well, though. Local authorities were called and released the snake from the machine's cash-dispensing...

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Bank of America Fails to Make Promised Settlement Payments to Defrauded Customers; Claims to Have Forgotten Its PIN

Funny story: Bank of America Fails to Make Promised Settlement Payments to Defrauded Customers; Claims to Have Forgotten Its PIN

After thousands of plaintiffs in the class action lawsuit against Bank of America reported that they had not received any portion of the $410 million in settlement amounts owed them by BoA, BoA president and CEO Brian Moynihan abashedly explained tha...

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Elderly Man Gets Pulled Into Bank's ATM Along With His Plastic Card!

Funny story: Elderly Man Gets Pulled Into Bank's ATM Along With His Plastic Card!

A 93 year old East London man was taken to hospital yesterday afternoon after he was pulled into a bank's ATM machine along with his bankers card when trying to use it to withdraw money from a hole-in-the-wall cash dispenser machine outside a bank in...

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Manchester Mole Thieves - most underpaid thieves in Britain?

Funny story: Manchester Mole Thieves - most underpaid thieves in Britain?

Police are investigating the daring raid of an ATM, completely emptying it. The thieves, dubbed the Manchester Moles, dug a five hundred foot tunnel from an embankment to the shopping centre ATM; working only between midnight and five in the morning...

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A return to the dark ages as Supermarkets are only able to take cash!

Funny story: A return to the dark ages as Supermarkets are only able to take cash!

100s of Supermarkets, Britain: Across the length and breadth of Britain, thousands of shoppers were unable to buy food today in what could be a sign of things to come. Investigations are ongoing, with Store Manager realising it was causing "great...

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Man Opens ATM with Can Opener, Steals ATM, Leaves Cash

A Wisconsin man opened up a local bank's ATM with a can opener, pulled out the cash and put it on the ground and then rode away with the ATM on the back of his pickup truck. "I was shocked when I saw it on the security video", said the bank manage...

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Drama at funeral of inventor of the ATM

Earlier this week, it was reported that John Shepherd-Barron, the inventor of the Automatic Telling Machine (ATM), had died. His funeral was held yesterday, and he had chosen to be cremated. However, the ceremony did not go smoothly. The min...

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Down on your Knees if you want your money

Funny story: Down on your Knees if you want your money

Basketball players have complained about a cash machine in the HSBC in Whitchurch, Hants which is only 18 inches off the ground. After a local basketball match some players average height 6 feet 8 inches who were out on the town decided to go to the...

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Gangsta ATMs in South Central

Funny story: Gangsta ATMs in South Central

Los Angeles, Ca, UEssay A trial program of placing specialty Automatic Teller Machines (ATMs) designed for specific neighborhoods began in South Central Los Angeles this week. The modifications were inspired by a similar program in Great Britain whi...

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Cash Machines Increasingly Used by Criminals

Funny story: Cash Machines Increasingly Used by Criminals

Figures released today show that criminal gangs are using Cash Machines all over the UK. Innocent members of the public are being tricked into giving over their hard earned money to these criminals, and then these same criminals are using cash m...

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Report: ATM Not Sorry You Have Insufficient Funds

Funny story: Report: ATM Not Sorry You Have Insufficient Funds

More problems arose today for the nation's beleaguered banks when it was revealed that all of their Automated-Teller Machines are not actually sorry that you have insufficient funds. The shocking revelation was outlined in a report released by the FS...

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ATM Sparks Massive Queues

Funny story: ATM Sparks Massive Queues

A Cash Machine in Stretford, Manchester, today made residents of Stretford with a cash card quite rich. The ordinary looking ATM started handing out fifty times the amount requested due to a software glitch that many IT experts believe the ATM cam...

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Breaking news…

United States Stupidity Quotient

The S. Q. increased 16% in the first year of Trump's term of office. It now stands at 69%.
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