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Funny satire stories about Football (Soccer)

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Hull City Fans In New Protest

Funny story: Hull City Fans In New Protest

Hull City supporters, angry at the lack of investment in the club by its owners, which has resulted in a shortage of available players from which new manager Marco Silva can select, have organised a new protest. The fans attending Saturday's home...

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Scottish Football's Last Chance

The swivelling bowel of corruption that is FIFA has farted out it's newest half baked after birth covered idea. The world cup will be expanded to 48 teams. The declaration which was nailed onto the drawbridge at fortress FIFA read that by 2022, like...

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Arsenal's Missed Targets

With the news that long term arsenal target Julian Draxler has joined PSG on a four year contract we at BATTL news decided to pre-empt all the news and sport websites. We are great believers in the hyperbole and complete shrieking nonsense around football being the thing that has destroyed the game. Not the endless streams of money (nobody says a word about baseball contracts, formula one drivers...

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United sack Jose Mourinho!

Funny story: United sack Jose Mourinho!

The Manchester United board of directors have decided to part way with their recently acquired manager, Jose Mourinho! After 3 successive wins and a run of 10 games unbeaten the board told the parasitical British press that this was an unacceptable s...

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The Problem With Pep

After even more holes were shot into St Pep's wings by the incomparable lad Jamie Vardy (who celebrated his hat trick with two kebabs and a packet of Marlborough) we caught up with the Manchester City Maestro to find out what was going wrong. When...

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Saudi Cash Injection

According to a think tank of "investment consultants" (read: probable wankers) a large group of Saudi Arabian investors are looking to invest in a number of "top London" football clubs. A statement which immediately ruled Tottenham Hotspur out of the...

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Stokes In Possible Jailhouse Rock

Funny story: Stokes In Possible Jailhouse Rock

Blackburn Rovers superstar striker Anthony Stokes has pleaded guilty to attacking an Elvis impersonator one night out in the ghetto. The 28 year old has was described as having a "wooden heart" by the prosecutor displayed a lack of empathy as he ente...

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Messi's Manchester Mess

Lionel Messi will escape any punishment for his childish outburst after his side were comprehensively beaten by Arab club Manchester City. The Argentinean whinger was visibly upset when the referee refused to award Barcelona a penalty or send a o...

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"Stratfords' Olympic Athletics Stadium to be rebranded as THE ANTS NEST!" states the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

Funny story: "Stratfords' Olympic Athletics Stadium to be rebranded as THE ANTS NEST!" states the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

THE ANTS NEST, Stratford, LONDON: In developments that have even taken the footballing world by surprise, Ms Karen Brady, known by her world wide name as the Duchess of Knightsbridge, has revealed a new rebranding development! "Stratfords' Olympi...

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"Why were 300 Upton Park stewards sacked?" shrieks the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

Funny story: "Why were 300 Upton Park stewards sacked?" shrieks the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

THE Athletics Stadium, Stratford, LONDON: Following the manhandling ejection of the Duchess of Knightsbridge from the London Stadium, whilst the 'Duchess' was standing up singing the West Ham National anthem and being labelled a 'trouble-maker', ser...

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London Stadium latest: "We can never go back!" advises the Duchess of Knightsbridge

Funny story: London Stadium latest: "We can never go back!" advises the Duchess of Knightsbridge

LONDON STADIUM at Stratford: As the ongoing crisis continues at the athletics track that hosted the 2012 Olympics, even 'Duchess' Brady is losing her patience. It is becoming clear now that Messrs Sullivan, Gold and DUchess Brady are losing sleep...

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Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

Funny story: Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

England football manager Sam Allardyce today stepped down from the post, and immediately became the first England team manager in history to leave the job with a 100% record. Allardyce, who took over from previous boss, Roy Hodgson, in July, guide...

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Transfer Speculation Part Three

More transfer news coming at you quicker than a speeding train as you lie on the tracks of life. After keeping our ears on the ground and risking getting trampled on Back and to the Left news have caught wind of five more transfer "done" deals. •...

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Walcott's Wing Worry

One of Arsenals professional injury specialists has came out in support of the new England manager and finally clarified the position he wants to play. Surprisingly it's not left back on the fracture ward. Theo Walcott has stated that he "wants' t...

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Wayne Rooney's final wig attempt televised live on Facebook!

Funny story: Wayne Rooney's final wig attempt televised live on Facebook!

Facebook have decided to show a unique insight into the bald life of superstar footballer, Wayne Rooney, tonight! They will be live-streaming his road to baldness live and there will even be close-ups of several attempts to reconstruct his thinning,...

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Feeding Frenzy In The Transfer Market

Premier League clubs have spent £475million in the month of July! Meaning on average £15.3 million a day, £634K a hour, £10K a minute and £177 a second is haemorrhaging out the clubs like blood from a stab victim. We grabbed one frightened officia...

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Transfer Speculation Part Two

Here at Back and to the Left news we have our fingers on the pulse of the transfer market and let us tell you it's not a cadaver. Many other news outlets will scream about "hot tips" and "near certainties" when in reality they overheard a bloke on th...

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Pogbas Pogs

The sensational £100 million transfer of Paul Pogba (The French Lee Cattermole) to Manchester United is being held up by one tiny detail. Pogba's involvement in a upcoming TV show which he will host called: Pogbas Pogs. In the ten part series (wit...

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Name Calling Trump

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