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Al Franken accused of touching himself inappropriately but not what you think!

Funny story: Al Franken accused of touching himself inappropriately but not what you think!

Washington D.C. - Comet Pizza regular, Edray Uttbay, called our pervert hotline in our newsroom to report yet another sordid case of inappropriate touching. The perpetrator? Al Franken. The victim? Al Franken. Comet Pizza regular, Edray Uttbay,...

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Yale solves hanging portrait white race issue

Funny story: Yale solves hanging portrait white race issue

Yale University - The Dean of Yale's Pierson College, Phallus Blanco, has responded to complaints surrounding his hanging portraits of white men in the residence halls. As reported previously (Click to read) "Yale college removes portraits of wh...

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Bernie drafts new healthcare bill

Funny story: Bernie drafts new healthcare bill

Washington D.C. - Bernie has done it again. His new healthcare bill draft is pure genius. And it's not what you think. Inspired by the British national socialist medical pogrom, and Prince Charles' desire to be reincarnated as an AIDS virus, deta...

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Painful ingrown penis removal videos to trend online predicts doctor pimple popper

Funny story: Painful ingrown penis removal videos to trend online predicts doctor pimple popper

Los Angeles, CA - In an exclusive interview with Dr. Pimple Popper, who called our newsroom's deviant hotline, the next big thing in medical videos will be painful ingrown penis removal videos shot at home. The doctor would not reveal her sources, b...

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Hillary renamed book "I Fart"

Funny story: Hillary renamed book "I Fart"

In an effort to boost flagging sales, the notorious loser, Hillary, has renamed her losing 'book', from the insipid "What Happened?", to "I Fart". The new publisher selected for this new edition is a little known vanity publisher the name of which w...

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Al Gore warns of a pending eclipse of the sun by the earth

Funny story: Al Gore warns of a pending eclipse of the sun by the earth

Washington DC - Al gore today announced that his team of scientists has discovered that we are almost at a point in time when the earth could in fact eclipse the sun resulting in hours of darkness. Unlike the recent harmless eclipse of the sun b...

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Big ag has cross bred chickens with Dolly Parton

Funny story: Big ag has cross bred chickens with Dolly Parton

Big Bend, TX - Scientists working with big agriculture have increased chicken breast size Texas style. The mutant chickens resulting from the work, according to local farmer Culo Gordo, are increasing profits by 126 percent. According to our sci...

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Americant Airlines to double passengers per flight with THIS

Funny story: Americant Airlines to double passengers per flight with THIS

Washington D.C. - The Federal courts have cleared the way for Americant Airlines to use THIS new invention to double passenger payload. The Federal courts have cleared the way for Americant Airlines to use THIS new invention to double passenger pa...

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Security robot dies chasing after a bird

Funny story: Security robot dies chasing after a bird

Washington DC - A security robot answering to the name "Tin man", was found tipped over in a fountain in the cities largest mall today. Tin moonlighted as a gigilo in addition to his security job. A bird drinking at the walk in fountain triggered Ti...

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Rony Tobbins hot reactor walk injures scores Japanese authorities say

Funny story: Rony Tobbins hot reactor walk injures scores Japanese authorities say

Fukushima, Japan - 331 people were treated for horrid burns after walking on hot nuclear corium during self-help guru Rony Tobbins' "Unleash the Canine Within" seminar in Fukushima, Japan, Mr. Sukanigga of TEPCO said. "It was ghastly", Ms. Hote...

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Governor of New Jersey took a crap on the beech

Funny story: Governor of New Jersey took a crap on the beech

The Beech, New Jersey - Governor Christie spent the 4th on a beech from which he had removed all citizens, even those that had homes on the beech. This assured he and his family of complete privacy. According to an anonymous family member, our sou...

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Granite counter tops no longer in fashion

Funny story: Granite counter tops no longer in fashion

Emmaus, PA - Once the height of fashion, granite counter tops are going the way of the Studebaker. What's in fashion now, according to Ms. McBoobay, Emmaus real estate agent, are the old counter tops that were in during the 1990's. The cheap old com...

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New York Times invents new flying machine

Funny story: New York Times invents new flying machine

New York, NY - The failing New York Times, in a drastic effort to save itself, has invented a new flying machine. Dubbed "The Cannard", the new machine has been problematic. Our secret source at the embattled NYT reveals the following about the pr...

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Kim Jun Un suffering from projectile disfunction

Funny story: Kim Jun Un suffering from projectile disfunction

NK - After last weeks failed missile launch hit Kim Jong Un in the zipper, he has been issuing coded messages. The NSA has finally decoded the messages. Dr. D. Phase of the NSA pubic relations department held a press conference today to release t...

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New bicycle ride service beats Uber and Lyft

Funny story: New bicycle ride service beats Uber and Lyft

Phoenix, AZ - According to WedG spokes-person, Streck "The Streak" Baque, WedG's new bicycle ride service is much cheaper that Uber or Lyft. Customers sit on the crossbar. Customers have a choice of facing the peddler or facing the handlebars. A...

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Radical process will restore the coal industry to its glory days

Funny story: Radical process will restore the coal industry to its glory days

Osucit, Japan - Ken Assosuka of the Osucit Power and Light Company held a press conference today to reveal a new process for burning coal that reduces CO2 emissions to zero. The new process captures the CO2 and uses it to carbonate saki, orange juic...

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New vaccine mandate meeting increasing opposition

Funny story: New vaccine mandate meeting increasing opposition

Central Park- New York,NY - Dog walkers in Central Park are voicing protests to the AMA over the new vaccine pogrom reported on here. Ms. Penny Triever contacted our newspaper to complain about the pogrom which requires citizens to lick the bottom...

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The Sulk Institute Announces the New Universal Vaccination Mandate

Funny story: The Sulk Institute Announces the New Universal Vaccination Mandate

La Jolla, CA - Lizzy Lackbrain of the Sulk Institute held a major press conference today at noon to announce a new policy that will forever change how mankind protects itself from disease causing organisms. Babys, children and adults will no long...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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