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Bush urges world to fight terrapins

US unelected President George "Big W" Bush has said there can be "no neutral ground in the fight between civilization and terrapins".

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Voters to slash Labour MPs by 408

Funny story: Voters to slash Labour MPs by 408

After the recent budget announcements by the Chancellor of the Exchequer, McGordon McBrown, it has emerged that the British electorate is planning to reduce the number of Labour MPs in Parliament by 408.

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London Do-nut attack "inevitable" warns Health Secretary

Funny story: London Do-nut attack "inevitable" warns Health Secretary

Forget terrorists. Forget bombs on trains, in shopping centres, in airports. The great threat to the population of London at this moment in time comes from - do-nuts.

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Morecambe and Wise to head re-vamped BBC Saturday Night TV

Funny story: Morecambe and Wise to head re-vamped BBC Saturday Night TV

Not content with wheeling out Bruce Forsyth and Johnny Vaughan (both of whom are at least alive) in an attempt to brighten up Saturday night television, the BBC has taken the radical step of digging up Morecambe and Wise and propping them up for a sp...

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California suspends gay couples

Funny story: California suspends gay couples

California's Supreme Court has ordered San Francisco officials to immediately suspend same-sex couples.

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The puzzle of teenagers and sex

New statistics released this week in the UK reveal that the numbers of teenagers shagging and getting up the duff remains as high as it ever was. According to National Statistics Office figures, the rate of teenage pregnancies has not changed much si...

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Putin - "Stalin and I were just good friends"

Funny story: Putin - "Stalin and I were just good friends"

Vlad "The Impaler" Putin, Russian President and predicted winner of the upcoming Russian Presidential Elections, was today scornful of claims that he is the ‘New Stalin'.

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World's oldest pizza eaten by accident

Funny story: World's oldest pizza eaten by accident

The pizza recognised by the Guinness Book of Records as the world's oldest authenticated piece of Italian cuisine has been eaten accidentally by a tourist who "missed his breakfast".

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Pope declares Kerry ‘Second Coming'

Vatican, Friday - In a shock announcement made at an impromptu Press Conference this morning the Supreme Pontiff has declared that John Kerry is "Christ reincarnated".

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Essex part of France shock

We all believed it - but now we know it's true. Essex is not part of England. It actually belongs to France.

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Blair denies change of Royal name means anything

Funny story: Blair denies change of Royal name means anything

Tony Blair today denied that plans to change the name of the Royal Family to the Public Family Number One signalled a change in attitude to the monarchy.

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Robin Cook sends last ‘Letter from Edinburgh"

In his 500 years of whingeing from north of the border Robin Cook has scarcely ever said anything of interest. His broadcasts have been ignored by generations of radio listeners, and the fact that he has never made it to television shows just how imp...

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Fair Trade - Ten Glorious Years

Funny story: Fair Trade - Ten Glorious Years

It's Fair Trade fortnight - so let's all celebrate improved relations with the colonies and more money in those poor benighted natives' pockets!...

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Monica Lewinsky offers herself to Democrats

Funny story: Monica Lewinsky offers herself to Democrats

In a gesture of generosity rare in today's political world, Monica Lewinsky, famed fellationist and lover of Cuban cigars, offered herself to the winner of the Democratic Presidential nomination.

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Viagra not effective on women shock

Funny story: Viagra not effective on women shock

Fizzer Farmer-suiticals has pulled the plug on an 8-year research programme into the effects of Viagra on women after it appears that it makes no difference to their sexual satisfaction.

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Short "will not be made a tomato"

Funny story: Short "will not be made a tomato"

Labour Party Chairman Ian McCartney, long-lost bastard brother of Sir Paul McCartney the well-known tunesmith, told a press conference today that Clare Short would not be ‘made a tomato' by the Labour Party. "Her recent comments about UK spices in th...

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Blunkett outlines terror options

Funny story: Blunkett outlines terror options

Chairman of the Committee for Internal Affairs David Blunkett has outlined the options for terrorism in the UK.

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Teachers Demand Drug Talks

Funny story: Teachers Demand Drug Talks

A plan by Tony Blair to allow head teachers to carry out random drug tests has sparked a worried response from teaching unions.

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Breaking news…

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."
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