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Musician who knows more than three chords, and doesn’t out-stay his welcome shocks small crowd in a pub

Funny story: Musician who knows more than three chords, and doesn’t out-stay his welcome shocks small crowd in a pub

Ray Winstone Smythe shocked a small gathering at his local pub, the King’s Left Elbow in Chutney on the Fritz, after playing some Ragtime on the pub’s old guitar, and putting the instrument back on its stand. Onlooker Chunky Jumper said ‘It was ve...

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Good Poet turns up for Poetry open mike night

Funny story: Good Poet turns up for Poetry open mike night

There was consternation in Chutney on the Fritz when a fairly decent writer, who doesn't bang on about his poetry on social media turned up for the Words Matter poetry night in the King's Bottom on Wednesday night. Deirdre Rhyming Couplet from the...

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Labour voter disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is more popular with the ladies than he is

Funny story: Labour voter disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is more popular with the ladies than he is

A Labour supporter who has been single for five years is disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is popular with the ladies than he is. Gary Johnson of Chutney on the Fritz has been largely single for five years, apart from a few forgettable fi...

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Man Disappointed by the lack of Josh Widdicombe on Televison

Funny story: Man Disappointed by the lack of Josh Widdicombe on Televison

Jason Johnson, a recent divorcee too old for nightclubs, has revealed his regret that there is just not enough Josh Widdicombe on television these days. Josh, famed for his comedy appearances on panel shows, and his serious look at the worlds of M...

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40 year old man discovers he is too old for night-clubs

Funny story: 40 year old man discovers he is too old for night-clubs

Recent divorcee Jason Johnson, 41 has discovered that he really is too old for nightclubs. 'I went to Scratchy's, down on the high-street' said Johnson 'You know how well Chutney on the Fritz is served for the night-life, don't you? 'Anyway, I...

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Saint Valentine not popular, says Saint Kevin

Funny story: Saint Valentine not popular, says Saint Kevin

Saint Kevin, patron saint of scissor makers has claimed that despite his reputation for lovers, Saint Valentine was never popular with anyone. Speaking to Vatican Matters,the magazine of record for all Saintly issues, Kevin said 'Valentine was alw...

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Predictive Text Ruins Valentine's Day

Funny story: Predictive Text Ruins Valentine's Day

The first Valentine day for any new couple should always be special, but it was spoilt for Gary Johnson and Isabel Smith by predictive text. 'It was going to be really special. I had put together a really nice meal, bought Isabel's favourite wines...

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Jumper Admits it hates the cold

Funny story: Jumper Admits it hates the cold

Gary Johnson, a nine year old green jumper from Chutney-on-the-Fritz has declared that he hates the winter. 'I hate it, I really do' said the woollen mass. 'It is so cold, and I hate to go out in, but that chap, Wayne, or Kevin or whatever he is c...

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Teresa May's Magic Moneytree has a fungal infection

Funny story: Teresa May's Magic Moneytree has a fungal infection

British Prime Minister Teresa May's famed magical money tree is slowly dying from a fungal infection, reveals revered gardening expert and thinking woman's Poldark Alan Titchmarsh. The tree, which has been mentioned a few times is only really used...

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Teresa May to Change her name

Funny story: Teresa May to Change her name

Following a series of arguments with naysayers, British Prime Minister Teresa May is set to change her name to Teresa Not On Your Nelly. Famously wishy-washy, and liable to go with the consensus, like Donald Trump, Teresa May has found herself in...

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Man Shocked by number of repeats

Funny story: Man Shocked by number of repeats

Quentin Bedale Posh-Gob III has revealed, that like most of us, he is shocked by the number of repeats on Television. Quentin told us: 'There I was indoors, just polishing and cleaning my space-hopper, with oil all over the floor, when I suddenly...

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Space Hoppers to make a come-back

Funny story: Space Hoppers to make a come-back

Following the reformation of both Banarama, and The Spice Girls, another out-dated relic from the youth of many of our loyal readers is set to make a comeback, with the relaunch of the humble Space Hopper. The re-inforced balloon with two handles,...

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Trump's Twitter Feed Gains Sentience

Funny story: Trump's Twitter Feed Gains Sentience

President Donald Trump's twitter feed has, according to those in the know in the scientific community has gained sentience, able to have its own thoughts, feelings and moods, as a separate entity to Trump. 'This changes everything' said Dr Chutney...

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Man who read all of Fire and Fury still suffering from headaches

Funny story: Man who read all of Fire and Fury still suffering from headaches

Shane Whotsit, from Chutney on the Fritz who read all of Michael Wolff's despised political tome Fire and Fury - Inside Trump's White House for a bet. He still has headaches one month after finishing it. "Yes, I bet my cousin Nathan that I coul...

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Man who voted Brexit still disappointed

Funny story: Man who voted Brexit still disappointed

Nathan Whotsit, from Chutney on the Fritz has said that he only voted for Brexit, so it would mean that his wife of 15 years could not put them through the horror of Eurovision, ever again. 'Imagine my surprise' said the incredulous man 'when I re...

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Please stop the Spice Girls reforming, says desperate man

Funny story: Please stop the Spice Girls reforming, says desperate man

The Spice Girls are to reform, but that does not fill one man with complete and unbridled joy. Mr Dennis, from Chutney on the Fritz said, 'When the Spice Girls were around the first time, I had a dreadful time of it. I was spotty, picked last for...

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Donald Trump’s Award for Clearest desk won by Ivan BeendoingNothing

Funny story: Donald Trump’s Award for Clearest desk won by Ivan BeendoingNothing

A man with a comedy Russian name has won Donald Trump's latest award, Cleanest Desk. This followed on from a picture on Twitter that showed Trump with a completely clear desk. The leader of the free world, and the champion of the under-represented...

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Artisan Coat-Hanger business becomes Artisan Paper-clip making business

Funny story: Artisan Coat-Hanger business becomes Artisan Paper-clip making business

Following the recent collapse of his Artisan Coat-Hanger making business successful business-man Tarquin Smythe Brassington Heckingthump III from Chutney on the Fritz has started up his own Artisan paper-clip making business instead. 'Well, what i...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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