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Xenomorph rejected from another job, again

Funny story: Xenomorph rejected from another job, again

Diane Smith, a Xenomorph, best known for a fleeting appearance in the Alien: Resolution film has spoken about being rejected for another job. The eight foot tall alien, who bleeds acid, and has an unfortunate habit of incubating her offspring with...

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Elmo feeling sad, says Elmo

Funny story: Elmo feeling sad, says Elmo

Lovable red Muppet, Elmo is sad because Elmo has been told to stop talking in the third person. Elmo doesn't understand this, as Elmo is only a young Muppet, although he has been on the show for years, and knows things about life that even Happy M...

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Man forgets why he did something

Funny story: Man forgets why he did something

In Trumpton under the thumb, local man and purchaser of clothing Lionel Richards forgot why he did something. Posting on his Book of Face, the self important pro-curer of Stationary for a small council building said, 'I did this thing, and then I...

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Him off that thing, you know that thing with her from that thing, anyway he is in another thing

Funny story: Him off that thing, you know that thing with her from that thing, anyway he is in another thing

An actor from that thing, you know where he played a soldier, or a detective, no he was a maverick taxidermist, with a self-destructive streak, no respect for authority, and it starred that actress from that thing, you remember, you watched it with m...

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14 Year old realises the world is not like a glossy film

Funny story: 14 Year old realises the world is not like a glossy film

Gary Johnson, famous in his street for being the 14 year old regret of his parents, has realised that secondary school will not be like it is in the films. 'I always knew that I wasn't in with the in-crowd' bemoaned the befuddled young chap, 'but...

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Cats meeting to discuss their owners

Funny story: Cats meeting to discuss their owners

Mog and Tiddles, two neighbouring cats at The Green, Chutney on the Fritz have met to discuss their respective owners. Mr Brown, a seventy year old widower is Mog’s caretaker, whilst Mrs Smith, a 68 year old divorcee looks after Tiddles, and the t...

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Council meets to discuss the possibility of a meeting to discuss the number of meetings they have

Funny story: Council meets to discuss the possibility of a meeting to discuss the number of meetings they have

Councillors in Chutney on the Fritz have met, at tax-payers expense to discuss the possibility of organising another meeting about the number of meetings they have. Councillor Money-Tree told us, ‘Yes, it is true. Whilst most normal people would h...

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Photographer who spent more than £5,000 on new equipment realises he might not really be that good

Funny story: Photographer who spent more than £5,000 on new equipment realises he might not really be that good

Gary Johnson, a camera fan and aspiring professional photographer has slowly realised that fifteen years into his hobby, and after spending more than £5,000 on equipment he really isn’t that good. ‘Imagine my relief’ said the deluded fool ‘that ha...

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Musician who knows more than three chords, and doesn’t out-stay his welcome shocks small crowd in a pub

Funny story: Musician who knows more than three chords, and doesn’t out-stay his welcome shocks small crowd in a pub

Ray Winstone Smythe shocked a small gathering at his local pub, the King’s Left Elbow in Chutney on the Fritz, after playing some Ragtime on the pub’s old guitar, and putting the instrument back on its stand. Onlooker Chunky Jumper said ‘It was ve...

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Good Poet turns up for Poetry open mike night

Funny story: Good Poet turns up for Poetry open mike night

There was consternation in Chutney on the Fritz when a fairly decent writer, who doesn't bang on about his poetry on social media turned up for the Words Matter poetry night in the King's Bottom on Wednesday night. Deirdre Rhyming Couplet from the...

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Labour voter disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is more popular with the ladies than he is

Funny story: Labour voter disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is more popular with the ladies than he is

A Labour supporter who has been single for five years is disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is popular with the ladies than he is. Gary Johnson of Chutney on the Fritz has been largely single for five years, apart from a few forgettable fi...

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Man Disappointed by the lack of Josh Widdicombe on Televison

Funny story: Man Disappointed by the lack of Josh Widdicombe on Televison

Jason Johnson, a recent divorcee too old for nightclubs, has revealed his regret that there is just not enough Josh Widdicombe on television these days. Josh, famed for his comedy appearances on panel shows, and his serious look at the worlds of M...

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40 year old man discovers he is too old for night-clubs

Funny story: 40 year old man discovers he is too old for night-clubs

Recent divorcee Jason Johnson, 41 has discovered that he really is too old for nightclubs. 'I went to Scratchy's, down on the high-street' said Johnson 'You know how well Chutney on the Fritz is served for the night-life, don't you? 'Anyway, I...

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Saint Valentine not popular, says Saint Kevin

Funny story: Saint Valentine not popular, says Saint Kevin

Saint Kevin, patron saint of scissor makers has claimed that despite his reputation for lovers, Saint Valentine was never popular with anyone. Speaking to Vatican Matters,the magazine of record for all Saintly issues, Kevin said 'Valentine was alw...

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Predictive Text Ruins Valentine's Day

Funny story: Predictive Text Ruins Valentine's Day

The first Valentine day for any new couple should always be special, but it was spoilt for Gary Johnson and Isabel Smith by predictive text. 'It was going to be really special. I had put together a really nice meal, bought Isabel's favourite wines...

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Jumper Admits it hates the cold

Funny story: Jumper Admits it hates the cold

Gary Johnson, a nine year old green jumper from Chutney-on-the-Fritz has declared that he hates the winter. 'I hate it, I really do' said the woollen mass. 'It is so cold, and I hate to go out in, but that chap, Wayne, or Kevin or whatever he is c...

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Teresa May's Magic Moneytree has a fungal infection

Funny story: Teresa May's Magic Moneytree has a fungal infection

British Prime Minister Teresa May's famed magical money tree is slowly dying from a fungal infection, reveals revered gardening expert and thinking woman's Poldark Alan Titchmarsh. The tree, which has been mentioned a few times is only really used...

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Teresa May to Change her name

Funny story: Teresa May to Change her name

Following a series of arguments with naysayers, British Prime Minister Teresa May is set to change her name to Teresa Not On Your Nelly. Famously wishy-washy, and liable to go with the consensus, like Donald Trump, Teresa May has found herself in...

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Breaking news…

Trump Thinks Deaths at End of Avengers Infinity Wars Were Real

He sends the Secret Service to the movie set of Avengers 4 to do some investigating.
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