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Man mutilated in his sleep under mysterious circumstances

Funny story: Man mutilated in his sleep under mysterious circumstances

Jamal Smith woke to find many changes had been done to him. His dreadlocks were cut. Some of his muscle tissue was removed. He was also partially castrated. There were injection marks on various parts of his body, and an adhesive electrocautery g...

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"Blind a Bigot Front" avenges transsexuals

Funny story: "Blind a Bigot Front" avenges transsexuals

After being blinded and emasculated by an attack Thursday night, Jaden Johnson was admitted to Area Hospital. The last thing he remembers before the attack was referring to a transsexual woman as a man. Hours later, two or more unknown assailants...

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New robot invented to help stop certain racially-motivated attacks

Funny story: New robot invented to help stop certain racially-motivated attacks

Spottedville officials have had enough of a sudden increase in specific racially-motivated crimes. According to Mayor Jenny Smith, "You usually don't hear much about anti-white racism, and it isn't politically correct to mention it. We had to do...

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Hacked vocal fold replacement device results in arrest and possible lawsuits

Funny story: Hacked vocal fold replacement device results in arrest and possible lawsuits

Frank Cousins was shocked that his computerized voice replacement device caused him to repeatedly utter racial slurs in public, involuntarily. "I was walking through a predominantly Black neighborhood when all of a sudden, the word 'nigger' came...

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Alien Cosmetics to produce makeup for purple women

Funny story: Alien Cosmetics to produce makeup for purple women

Alien Cosmetics just announced its intentions of producing a line of makeup for purple women called Plum Adorable™. According to Purplicia Greene, spokeswoman for Alien Cosmetics, "Purple women have had to do without proper makeup for years...

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Black rights group sues God over snow

Funny story: Black rights group sues God over snow

A local activist group files class action suit against God claiming that snow is racist and doesn't meet affirmative action quotas. They reason that if white folks get white snow, other groups should get snow that is closer to their skin colors. S...

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Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Funny story: Schmidt & Weissen to produce bidirectional pistol

Schmidt & Weissen, a major gun manufacturer in the US, is developing a bidirectional pistol. Paul Gant of Schmidt & Weissen says, "This is the only gun I'd recommend to scumbags and known gang members." The police have mixed feelings about...

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Local schools discover an epidemic of benign spots

Funny story: Local schools discover an epidemic of benign spots

It all started in a local elementary school. The teachers noticed that several students were covered with spots. Debbie Westmoreland of Springfield Elementary said, "All I know was that at least four of my girls were covered with spots." The stud...

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Animal Rights Activist Cuts Off Own Arm and Cooks It

Funny story: Animal Rights Activist Cuts Off Own Arm and Cooks It

An animal rights activist is recovering in the psychiatric wing of the local hospital after cutting off her own arm and eating it. The patient, who asked to remain anonymous, said she just wanted to know what suffering animals go through. The...

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Activist Vandals Create Earth-Sized Bandage

Funny story: Activist Vandals Create Earth-Sized Bandage

[PP]- A group of vandals broke into a factory which manufactures health supplies and created a bandage large enough to fit around the entire globe. The World Activist Front takes credit for this stunt, saying that the world is sick and someone mu...

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Woman: PlumMart said to purple up or leave

Funny story: Woman: PlumMart said to purple up or leave

Fuchsia, Purplonia [PP] -- An Earthling woman says she was told to put a purple shirt over her orange top while shopping at PlumMart or leave the store. Amber Green told The Tentacle Times she was shopping at a Fuchsian PlumMart with her sister la...

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Two students suspended over using their initials on a group assignment

Funny story: Two students suspended over using their initials on a group assignment

Felicia Underwood and Cindy King were suspended from Squaresville High over placing their initials on their joint assignment. Underwood placed F. U. on the paper, followed by King placing C. K. on the paper. According to them, they gave it no thought...

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Prominent 80's rappers hold press conference apologizing for early hits

Funny story: Prominent 80's rappers hold press conference apologizing for early hits

[PP] -- Cool Man, Smooth G, and other prominent rappers of the 80's held a press conference apologizing for their early hits. "I am embarrassed that I took this stage name," said Cool Man. "We thought we were cool back in the day, but we were real...

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Town of 'Nice' Has Unusual Crime Spree

Funny story: Town of 'Nice' Has Unusual Crime Spree

Amanda Jenkins had quite surprise. Her purse was missing. But some stranger returned her purse with much more money than she had before, and even recharged her phone and replaced the broken compact she carried. "I was worried someone had stolen my pu...

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Bed allegedly commits assault

Funny story: Bed allegedly commits assault

[PP] -- As a man lie sleeping in his bed Monday night, his bed allegedly assaulted him. After calling 911 about the incident, the man was admitted into Area Hospital for treatment. According to doctors, he suffered lacerations to his legs and rectum...

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Women's Groups want Rapeseed Renamed

Funny story: Women's Groups want Rapeseed Renamed

[PP] -- Major women's rights organizations want rapeseed renamed to prevent what they see as trivializing rape. Women First spokeswoman, Connie Lingus, says, "It's impossible for a plant to be raped. How can a plant know the horror of a crime that's...

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Green Haired Girl Sues School District

Funny story: Green Haired Girl Sues School District

Amanda Jenkins only wants one thing, and that is to be able to attend school. However, that presents a challenge for her. Jenkins was born with green hair. "Amanda was born with a difference in how her hair follicles use minerals such as titanium...

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Can the Internet Cause Hip Problems?

Funny story: Can the Internet Cause Hip Problems?

Winston-Salem, NC [PP] -- Doctors at Wake Forest Medical Center are perplexed at a sudden increase of problems in patients buttocks. They blame the Internet for the cause, based on the reports of some patients. "I was just laughing away while mess...

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Breaking news…

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."
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