Showing:

Showing stories written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Try another search?

Apple Recall Triggered by Cellmonella Outbreak

Cupertino, CA. First came an E. coli scare associated with romaine lettuce. That was followed by another health threat involving melons. Now, a nationwide outbreak of a previously unknown strain of cellmonella has forced the Food and Drug Administrat...

Read full story View 'Apple Recall Triggered by Cellmonella Outbreak'

Trump Pardons Lincoln Assassin

Funny story: Trump Pardons Lincoln Assassin

The White House. 24 minutes ago. Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders called reporters to the Briefing Room a short time ago to announce that President Donald J. Trump had issued another celebrity-championed posthumous pardon. Today's recipient was...

Read full story View 'Trump Pardons Lincoln Assassin'

A Mar-A-Lago for North Korea?

A source within the White House, speaking anonymously, revealed today that the private letter written by North Korea's leader Kim Jong-un and which that country's former spy chief hand delivered to President Donald trump contained such major conces...

Read full story View 'A Mar-A-Lago for North Korea?'

Dec. 1. 1941: Roosevelt Cancels Summit with Japanese Prime Minister

Pearl Harbor, Hawaii. Exclusive to Spoof News. "It's not gonna happen!" With that terse comment, President Franklin D. Roosevelt today canceled the long hoped-for meeting between Japanese Prime Minister Hideki Tojo and the American president. Reporte...

Read full story View 'Dec. 1. 1941: Roosevelt Cancels Summit with Japanese Prime Minister'

"Me Too" Bags Another; Disgraced School Chief Quits

In the wake of New York attorney general Eric Schneiderman's resignation, another top government official elsewhere has succumbed after similar startling revelations of unwanted sexual assaults on women. Following a painful and sometimes tearful c...

Read full story View '"Me Too" Bags Another; Disgraced School Chief Quits'

"Ptomaine Romaine" Scare Threatens Lettuce Growers Everywhere

With the E. coli outbreak that infected one variety of Arizona's lettuce crop now seemingly at an end, the Farm Bureau has urged all concerned to romaine calm. However, the fallout from the crisis has had a devastating financial impact on the entire...

Read full story View '"Ptomaine Romaine" Scare Threatens Lettuce Growers Everywhere'

"Pull the Plug!" Taxpayer Group wants Comatose State Pensioner Euthanized

Sacramento, CA. A group of conservative California taxpayers asked a state court to remove all medical support that now keeps a 101-year-old retired state worker alive in a permanent comatose condition. Their request has sparked renewed debate over t...

Read full story View '"Pull the Plug!" Taxpayer Group wants Comatose State Pensioner Euthanized'

Trump versus Clinton: Mad Hater defeats Evil Extremist of the East

The election results are in, and Wonderland has a new president. But the campaign has left numerous scars, including a besmirchment of the country's most famous resident, Alice. When the Mad Hater, the Patriot Party’s candidate for president of Wo...

Read full story View 'Trump versus Clinton: Mad Hater defeats Evil Extremist of the East'

Where's the Donald J Trump leadership high school?

If you think the basic problem with education is the cost of instructing illegal aliens, poor teaching, low test scores or any one of a number of other concerns, you're wrong. The prestigious Manhattan Institute, a conservative think tank renowned f...

Read full story View 'Where's the Donald J Trump leadership high school?'

Teenage Protesters' Plot to Take Over NRA Revealed

Washington, D. C. - Not all the activity at the teenage march on Washington for "common sense" gun control was aimed at convincing legislators to enact tougher and effective laws that might prevent another Parkland tragedy. At high level, secret meet...

Read full story View 'Teenage Protesters' Plot to Take Over NRA Revealed'

Trump at Border Wall Prototypes: "Let's Wall Out California"

San Diego, CA. Standing before models of the border wall he intends to build, President Donald Trump told a group of surprised reporters from Fox News and Breitbart that the barrier between the U S and Mexico will extend from Texas to California, bu...

Read full story View 'Trump at Border Wall Prototypes: "Let's Wall Out California"'

"Shaq" O'Neal to be new head coach at UCLA

Westwood Village, CA. Following the announcement from UCLA that Shareef O'Neal, son of the former NBA super star Shaquille "Shaq" O'Neal, had committed to play basketball for the Bruins next year, reports circulated that the elder O'Neal would beco...

Read full story View '"Shaq" O'Neal to be new head coach at UCLA'

NAR Head Calls for Arming Kids

At their convention yesterday, the head of a politically powerful gun owners organization told a cheering crowd that "It's time to arm the kids." Henry Toulouse LaPere, president and CEO of the National Assault Riflemen [ NAR ], responded to an incr...

Read full story View 'NAR Head Calls for Arming Kids'

Eden Cut Electric Power Rates 10%... Or Did It?

The Public Utilities Commissioner looked pleased as he prepared to announce the long-anticipated reduction in Eden's electric rates. His audience, mostly utility officials, eagerly awaited word that deregulation had arrived. Scattered among t...

Read full story View 'Eden Cut Electric Power Rates 10%... Or Did It?'

Anthem Protest turns Violet in Fredericksville, MD

Fredericksville, MD. John G. Wittier [sick] reporting for The Spoof. While National Anthem protests have dwindled as the professional football season nears an end, a demonstration in Fredericksville, Md., on Martin Luther King Day, turned ugly as "...

Read full story View 'Anthem Protest turns Violet in Fredericksville, MD'

"Hotter than Hell:" Global Warming threatens Satan's High Temperature Leadership

East Hades, Nether World. Exclusive to Spoof News. Official temperature reports for last year indicate an astonishing trend that, if it continues, would result in Death Valley, CA, having a higher temperature on its hottest days than has ever been re...

Read full story View '"Hotter than Hell:" Global Warming threatens Satan's High Temperature Leadership'

Health Problem Linked to Recreational Marijuana

Sacramento, CA. With the sale of recreational marijuana now legal in California, that state's health department has warned young adult males that even minimal use of the product may result in an embarrassing but not lethal problem involving male sex...

Read full story View 'Health Problem Linked to Recreational Marijuana'

Paul Ryan: "To Save Social Security, Shorten the Life Span"

Washington, D. C. In a remarkable reversal of his position, House Speaker Paul Ryan today announced that the way to save the social security system is to shorten the life span of working Americans so that fewer of them retire to collect retirement be...

Read full story View 'Paul Ryan: "To Save Social Security, Shorten the Life Span"'

Breaking news…

Sales blames ring for illness

Boston Red Sox baseball player "Lefty" Sales said his cock ring made him sick. "It turned my penis green," he said. "My girlfriend paid for gold, but obviously, the jeweler sold her brass."
Increase speedPlayback speedIncrease speed Help
Skip backwardsPausePlaySkip forward
Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
52 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more