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Juncker's new agenda for Brexit negotiations

Britons who thought Article 50 of the European Treaty would centre on money and freedom of movement could be in for a surprise. EU President, Jean-Claude Juncker, famously not averse to an early morning beverage, including his favourite breakfast...

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Putin hacks Brexit plans

Yes, he's at it again. After successfully steering the US election in his favour by ensuring hackers released - or fabricated - dubious emails of the Democrat Hillary Clinton, swinging voters towards Donald Trump, the Russian President has now launch...

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Simply the best...B.Johnson wins Liar of the Year Award 2016. 'Akin to Ulbricht and Nixon', says expert

Funny story: Simply the best...B.Johnson wins Liar of the Year Award 2016. 'Akin to Ulbricht and Nixon', says expert

Yes, in the end it was pretty close, admitted jury head, Mark Givens, but Johnson's panache and jocular manner of mendacity tipped the scales in his favour. Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson, as is his full name, fully deserved the award for 'Lia...

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Corbyn goes into hibernation

Labour party leader, Jeremy Corbyn, bereft of any concept, strategy or will to challenge or even question the Prime Minister, Theresa May, about what she's doing, or rather not doing with regard to this bothersome Brexit issue, has stated he needs to...

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Refugees scooped out of Lake Erie

Canadian border control boats rescued almost 800 US Americans yesterday seeking to escape the USA in dinghis across Lake Erie. All were wearing T-shirts declaring 'We love maple syrup' and were humming tunes by Justin Bieber and Katie Moore. They wer...

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Harry Potter and the Nipple Pumps - Culture Minister to consider Ban

Her Majesty's Principal Secretary of State for Culture, Media and Sport, Karen Bradley, has been asked by MPs to reconsider approval of the printing of J.K. Rowling's latest novel, 'Harry Potter and the Nipple Pumps'. "OK", explained the Culture S...

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Right lads, Wall around Britain

If nothing else, Donald Trump's election has at least proven a godsend for the bricks and mortar industry. Walls are to say. In the wake of America's intention to erect a wall along its border to Mexico, Britain's Prime Minister, Theresa...

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Allardyce stumbles over Pokemon Go

The real reason for Sam Allardyce being sacked as England football manager has now come to light. While the official version is that he helped others circumvent FA rules on transfers, insiders have revealed that his obsession with playing games of an...

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Britain's first Minister for Fashion

Prime Minister, Theresa May, has now appointed Britian's first ever Minister for Fashion. Former Lord Chancellor and Brexit architect, Michael Gove, began work yesterday in his new offices just off Carnaby Street. "Couldn't be a better location",...

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Britain enters into Alliance with San Marino, Andorra and the Vatican

In the aftermath of Brexit and desperate to boost its economy, Britain has joined forces with San Marino, Andorra and the Vatican City State to form a new world-beating trading alliance. Now that the doors of the EU and EFTA have been firmly shut on...

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Mick Jagger enters Labour Party Leadership Contest

Backed by his sidekick, Keith Richards, septuagenarian Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones announced at a press conference yesterday that he will be competing for the Labour Party leadership currently being contested by, well, anyone in the party who c...

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Leave and let die, with Boris and Nigel - Brexit cowards scram

Following Boris Johnson's astonishing refusal to help clear up the mess he'd created in the referendum, his companion-in-arms in their 'leave and let die' campaign to destroy the United Kingdom has now also fled the stage. "I want my life back," w...

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'Now is the summer of our discontent..' - Shakespeare to be Brexited

No, not Richard III but Boris I had chosen these words to express the fortunes of Britons in these dark days. While Boris Johnson could be seen sporting an open-breasted tunic and full-pleated skirt, with scruffy hair hanging out from under a blac...

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Obama rattles Cameron on racial equality

"The moral crusade for racial equality is ongoing here in Britain", said Obama, "I mean, you've never had a black Queen." Barack Obama's comments during his visit to the UK concerning Britain's multi-cultural record clearly flummoxed the Prime Min...

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We can dance in France, says Hodgson

As the Football Euro 2016 Championship in France approaches, team managers have not only been scratching their heads wondering how to win a match, but also how to intimidate the opposing team just before kick-off. Roy Hodgson, the England manager,...

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Panama Papers eclipsed by Farnham Frames

Councillors at Farnham, Surrey have leaked data relating to local senior citizens caught on CCTV cameras, guilty of jaywalking. Though not immediately linked to the 'tax laundering' techniques revealed in the Panama Papers scandal, where the rich get...

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Trump calls in National Rifle Association

Republican front-runner, Donald Trump, has revealed further plans relating to defense since announcing his intention to curb American commitment to the North Atlantic Treaty Organization. "NATO is just too expensive. If they want us, they can coug...

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Government to introduce 'flab' tax

Slim as a bin-liner Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, is targeting people's appearance as a major parameter for budget strategy. The increase in tax on sugary soft drinks is merely the tip of the iceberg for Cameron's financial darling.

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Breaking news…

The Only Way to Get the Palestinians to the Table

Our Middle East correspondent M. Voltaire opines: If you want PLO/Hamas to come to the Peace Table, set out copious quantities of rancid cheese --it's the only enticing incentive for street rats.
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