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Kanye, Taylor to Resolve Dispute with Pistol Duel

Funny story: Kanye, Taylor to Resolve Dispute with Pistol Duel

Kanye West and Taylor Swift have agreed that there is only one way to settle their ongoing feud: They will meet this coming Saturday at high noon, packing matching Colt .45 Peacemakers, at the O.K. Corral in Tombstone, Arizona, for a good old-fashio...

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Canadian Government to Buy Playboy Mansion

Funny story: Canadian Government to Buy Playboy Mansion

After only a few short weeks on the market, it appears that the Playboy Mansion has attracted a firm purchase offer from, of all parties, the Government of Canada. McKenzie Brothers Real Estate, acting on Canada's behalf, has revealed that their p...

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North Korea to Accept Ten Million Syrian Refugees

Funny story: North Korea to Accept Ten Million Syrian Refugees

"Well, fuck!" said North Korean leader Kim Jong Un, "It's not like anyone else wants to come here. Yes, the double meaning --I said 'come'-- is intentional: After a typical eighty-hour work week, while subsisting on 1200 calories a day, the averag...

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Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

Funny story: Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

"This has us stumped," said a spokesangel in Paradise. "I mean, do we give them each seventy-two virgins? Do we make them share the same seventy-two? In the latter case, should there be thirty-six male virgins and thirty-six female?" "Or, do w...

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NRA Demands Tighter Controls on Body Armor Sales

Funny story: NRA Demands Tighter Controls on Body Armor Sales

NRA spokesmilf Sierra Paylin caught the first available flight to San Bernardino (She even spelled it right!) to address the press with regards to an issue that has been bugging the NRA for years: "How is it possible for any deranged nut in this c...

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U.S. to Screen Syrian Refugees According to Bra Size

Funny story: U.S. to Screen Syrian Refugees According to Bra Size

A Senate committee on the Syrian refugee crisis held a press conference in Twin Peaks, California this morning to discuss their recommendations on U.S. policy towards granting asylum to Syrian refugees. "We can't let any of the men into the countr...

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Surprise Late Entry into Republican Primary

DETROIT--On Wednesday morning, reporters gathered in the Motor City to hear legendary rocker Vincent Furnier--better known as Alice Cooper-- announce that he was vying to run for president under the Republican banner. Cooper added that, in an unusua...

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DNA Test Confirms: Justin Trudeau Actually Mick Jagger's Son

On Thursday morning of this past week, Dr. Maxwell Zilberhammer of the Great White North Health Sciences Laboratory announced the results of a DNA test ordered and paid for by the campaign of recently defeated Canadian Prime Minister Harpo Stevens.

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Jihadis Attempt to Blow Up Great Pyramid, Extra-Terrestrials Return Fire!

On Tuesday morning, a ragtag band of Muslim fundamentalists attempted to tunnel under the Great Pyramid of Giza with the intent of planting and detonating a crude thermonuclear device underneath it. They were instantly annihilated by an intense brea...

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Worst Mass Shooting in U.S. History

Yesterday morning, everyone in the lower forty-eight states was killed or critically wounded in the worst mass shooting in U.S. history. Investigators from Canada's RCMP and Mexico's Policia Federales issued the following joint statement (as they...

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Donald Trump Sports Hitler Haircut

Attendees at a recent Republican debate were surprised to see Donald Trump sporting a "Hitler" haircut, complete with a toothbrush mustache tattooed onto his upper lip. Before the words "Definite improvement" or "Accurate reflection of the man's id...

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Liberty University Patents New Psychiatric Medication

The faculty of neuroscience at Liberty University has just received a patent for a new psychiatric medication called "Inspiron", which promises to enhance the spirituality of mental patients. Research chair Samuel Isaiah explained to reporters tha...

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"Minions" Movie Full of Subliminal Satanic Messages

Reverend Gerry Fallguy, minister at the Suffering Jesus Christ Baptist church in Atlanta and founder of the Moral Immaturity movement, called reporters to his church last week to announce a startling discovery: "I took my kids to see the "Minions"...

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Quackberry Launches New Smartphone App

Funny story: Quackberry Launches New Smartphone App

As predicted, the release of Apple's new iBitch robot has prompted arch-rival Quackberry to respond with a competing product. However, Quackberry has chosen to tap the same market niche via a completely different approach. At a press conference y...

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Rachel Dolezal to Undergo Race Reassignment Surgery

Former NAACP activist Rachel Dolezal has reportedly hired the late Michael Jackson's plastic surgeon, Dr. Avrahim Schwarzgoy, to perform a race-reassignment operation on her. "She's always felt herself to be a black soul-sista trapped in a nerdy w...

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Apple Reveals New iBitch Robot

Funny story: Apple Reveals New iBitch Robot

Electronics giant Apple chose New York City as a venue to introduce its new dominatrix robot, the iBitch, to consumers last week. Spokesbitch Ivana C. U. Hirt explained to reporters and tech gurus that the idea for the iBitch was actually spawned...

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Fans Can't Wait for Next Month's Hyper Bowl

Trillions of people -- and other sentient beings all across the universe -- are positively catatonic in anticipation of the 2015 Hyper Bowl, scheduled to take place on March 1. In a press conference held this past Sunday, event promoter Max Blowha...

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Jihad Descends on Salt Lick City

Funny story: Jihad Descends on Salt Lick City

Radical Islamists are furious following the ritual posthumous baptism of their Prophet at the Tabernac' of the Jesus Christ Church of Lit Saints, Dude (LSD-Moron) in Salt Lick City, which reportedly took place in a service this past Sunday afternoon.

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Breaking news…

Man Cures Cancer While Sitting In ER Waiting Room

After arriving at the hospital for a health complication a gentleman had to wait to be seen. 8 years later he's still there, but found the cure for cancer in the meantime. That was 6 years ago...
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