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Congrressional Scheduling Conflicted

Since the U.S. Congress has been in recess through the month of August and will be in session for only nine days in September, the leadership is having difficulties in finding a time slot to fit in what President Obama considers a time sensitive issu...

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Radical Extremist Grammarians Riot at Library of Congress

Funny story: Radical Extremist Grammarians Riot at Library of Congress

Members of the Red Pencil Faction of the P.L.O. (Pedants for Literacy Organization) clashed with riot police on the steps of the Library of Congress yesterday morning. Carrying signs that read "'Irregardless' is Not a Word!" and "'General Consensus'...

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Corporate C.E.O.s Organize for More Pay

Ever since President Ronald Reagan busted the air-traffic controllers' union, organized labor has been on the decline. Now, that trend has begun to change with the formation of the 'Fortune 500 Executive Leader's Union'. The fledgling union has a...

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Linguistic Balkanization of Congress Studied

Funny story: Linguistic Balkanization of Congress Studied

Luci Tung, Phd. in Linguistic Research at Babel University, has recently released her groundbreaking study of the increase in disparity of the meaning of common English words as used by members of the U.S. Congress. She begins by showing how cultu...

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'Cruz' Control Needed, Says Immigration Reform Advocate

Lester Montoya, speaking for the group Rational Law Reform, said yesterday that Texas Senator Ted Cruz has gone too far in his latest proposed amendment to the senate bill designed to overhaul immigration policy in the U.S. The amendment would req...

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Jester Program Suffers Setbacks

Harley Quinn died last week at a Glenn Beck event. The 47 year-old comic assigned to Beck by The Ruling Authority choked on his own words and died on-stage before an audience of Mr. Beck's fans. The county coroner, a Republican appointee, ruled t...

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Justice Scalia Gets Knuckles Rapped

93 Year-old Sister Maria Inamorata caused a stir today when she halted court proceedings to admonish Justice Antonin Scalia. In the middle of a series of caustic questions the Justice was delivering to a clearly distressed plantiff's lawyer, the d...

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Ruling Authority announces first congressional draft

In its first pick in the new congressional draft, the Ruling Authority selected Arnold Sayers of New Ipswitch, Maine. The thirty-eight year old plumber was dragged kicking and screaming from his home to replace Senator Jeff Sessions of Alabama, also...

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Ruling Authority to 'let Texas go'

A spokesperson for the R.A. announced its decision yesterday, saying: "Texas is too big, too different, and just too damn difficult to remain in the union... and they never wanted to be a part of the United States, anyway." One of the provisions...

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Breaking news…

Bill Cosby Contacts Kim Kardashian to See if She Can Get Him Pardoned

Kim told Cosby he would have to get in line behind Robert Mueller, Suge Knight, and Jared Folger.
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