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The Grim Reaper to Attend President-elect Donald Trump's Inauguration

Funny story: The Grim Reaper to Attend President-elect Donald Trump's Inauguration

WASHINGTON, D.C.--Trump spokesperson and Slytherin wannabe Kellyanne Conway announced today on FOX News that the Grim Reaper would be attending President-elect Trump's Inauguration on January 20. Explained Mrs. Conway, through her forked tongue: "Y...

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In a Parting Gesture of Good Will, President Barack Obama Issues President-elect Donald Trump an Authentic Birther Certificate

Funny story: In a Parting Gesture of Good Will, President Barack Obama Issues President-elect Donald Trump an Authentic Birther Certificate

WASHINGTON, D.C.-In a ceremony today at the White House, President Barack Obama issued an authentic Birther Certificate, signed and certified by Chief White House Strategist and Wife Beater Steven Bannon and White Nationalist Richard Spencer. Th...

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Texas Legislature Orders Sperm Emissions to be Buried or Creamated

Funny story: Texas Legislature Orders Sperm Emissions to be Buried or Creamated

AUSTIN--Gov. Greg Abbott signed into law what the Texas legislature has deemed the "Save Our Sperm Law," which, Abbott said after signing the legislation, "will give voice to the unconcepted among us." The new law (in part an addition to Texas Adm...

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Donald Trump's Lincolnesque Moment

Funny story: Donald Trump's Lincolnesque Moment

The following is a transcript from Donald Trump's speech at Gettysburg, October 22, 2016. Gettysburg, PA--Eleven score and seven gropes ago our fathers brought forth on this continent a new nation, conceived by libertines, and dedicated to the pro...

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Trump Announces, "I could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of my supporters a fat slob and she'd still vote for me!"

Funny story: Trump Announces, "I could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of my supporters a fat slob and she'd still vote for me!"

Mobile, AL--At a rally last week in Mobile, Donald Trump bragged that he could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of his supporters a fat slob, and she'd still vote for him. When a reporter from The Mobile Register went out to a local trailer pa...

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Patient Dies After Firing His "Career Oncologist"

Funny story: Patient Dies After Firing His "Career Oncologist"

New Hartford, CT--Reggie Whitford, a patient suffering from stage 2 colorectal cancer, died on Tuesday eight months after firing what he groused to his family members was a "goddamn career oncologist." His former oncologist, Dr. Sudhir Parikh, was...

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For Debate Prep, the Clinton Campaign Hires a Nine Year Old Who Ran a Successful Lemonade Stand as a Stand-in for Donald Trump

Funny story: For Debate Prep, the Clinton Campaign Hires a Nine Year Old Who Ran a Successful Lemonade Stand as a Stand-in for Donald Trump

Washington, D. C.--In preparing for the upcoming debates with Donald Trump, Clinton campaign spokesperson Robby Mook announced today that it has has hired Billy Vermon, a successful lemonade magnate, to stand in for Donald Trump. Nine year old Bi...

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Donald Trump's America: A Review

Funny story: Donald Trump's America: A Review

My wife and I went to see a movie called Trump's America at a local multiplex which will remain unnamed. When I purchased the tickets for the movie, the cashier behind the window asked to see my and my wife's photo IDs, to make sure we weren't Mexic...

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Donald Trump Hospitalized After Choking on His Own Ego

Funny story: Donald Trump Hospitalized After Choking on His Own Ego

BURNT CORN, AL--Donald Trump, at a rally Tuesday in Alabama, was hospitalized after he began choking on his own ego. Trump was building up to the peroration of his speech, in which he praised himself as the sole solution to all that ails the Uni...

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Donald Trump Suspends Campaign After Running Out of Adjectives Aimed at the Level of Fourth Graders

Funny story: Donald Trump Suspends Campaign After Running Out of Adjectives Aimed at the Level of Fourth Graders

TRUMP HEADQUARTERS (that is, Trump's head)--Donald Trump today suspended his campaign after running out of adjectives aimed at his main demographic: Those who speak and write at the level of fourth graders. After "Crooked Hillary" began to get old,...

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"The bitter angels of our nature": The Trump Campaign Caught Plagiarizing Again

Funny story: "The bitter angels of our nature": The Trump Campaign Caught Plagiarizing Again

Springfield, IL--Donald Trump, at a rally in the city where Abraham Lincoln launched his political career, was caught plagiarizing the person whom many consider to be the founder of the Republican Party in a campaign speech he delivered to a grou...

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In Kentucky, Answers in Genesis Recreates a Biblical Flood to Float Noah's Ark

Funny story: In Kentucky, Answers in Genesis Recreates a Biblical Flood to Float Noah's Ark

Williamstown, KY--Answers in Genesis, the fundamentalist Bible apologetics organization that advocates the Earth is only four thousand years old and even built a museum in Petersburg, KY, to prove that thesis, announced today that they were going to...

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To Promote Diversity Donald Trump Insults Nearly Every Other Ethnic Group in America

Funny story: To Promote Diversity Donald Trump Insults Nearly Every Other Ethnic Group in America

Twittersphere, USA--Having already insulted Mexicans, Blacks, and Muslims and now--with his attacks on Twitter calling Elizabeth Warren "Pocahontas"--Native Americans as well, Donald Trump today launched a new diversity campaign to offend nearly ever...

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After Losing the News Cycle for Three Days to Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump Declares Himself Dead

Funny story: After Losing the News Cycle for Three Days to Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump Declares Himself Dead

Washington, D. C.--Donald Trump, after watching the news cycle focus on the death of Muhammad Ali for the last three days, today declared to Jake Tapper, on "State of the Nation," that he was dead. Said the bloviating billionaire to Tapper: "Yeah,...

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Donald Trump a Person of Interest in the Sudden Death of Godwin's Law

Funny story: Donald Trump a Person of Interest in the Sudden Death of Godwin's Law

New York, NY--Godwin's Law, the adage that when one resorts in a debate to a comparison to Hitler or to Nazism, one has lost the argument, was found dead on Friday of last week, crumpled up near one of the loading docks at the back of Trump Tower...

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Donald Trump: "I love the Bible! It has the best words!"

Funny story: Donald Trump: "I love the Bible! It has the best words!"

Lynchburg, VA--Donald Trump, speaking at Liberty University, the conservative Baptist college first endowed by Jerry Falwell, Jr., began his address to his young audience by booming, "I love the Bible! The Bible is the greatest book ever written! I...

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Republican Party Now Classified as an Endangered Species

Funny story: Republican Party Now Classified as an Endangered Species

The International Union for the Conservation of Nature (IUCN) has now added the Republican Party to its "Red List," which is a list of species world-wide ranging from completely extinct to near-threatened. The GOP, or the Grand Obsolescent Party, as...

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Republican Candidates for President Pressured to Release Their Anatomical Endowments

Funny story: Republican Candidates for President Pressured to Release Their Anatomical Endowments

Detroit, MI--After Donald Trump revealed at the Republican debate that he was "huge," in response to Marco Rubio's implicit criticism of the size of his genitals, all of the candidates now vying for the Republican nomination are being asked to releas...

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Breaking news…

Philadelphia Eagles Only Need 2-Passenger Corvette For Official White House Visit After Winning Super Bowl Team

The delegation was the team coach who lost the coin toss and the team driver. The rest boycotted.
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