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More "Daily Mail" Things From Day-To-Day Life Which Cause Cancer

Back and to the Left news has today teamed up with the Daily Mail to bring you the top five surprising signs you definitely have cancer: 1. Being a “reomoaner”: Does the fact that the glorious new dawn of Brexit cause you to complain and bleat lik...

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Mourinho Bites Back

Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has launched into a astonishing defence of his time at United. Predictably blaming anything and everything but himself for a string of mediocre performances throughout the season. He said: Against Sevil...

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Boris and Bluster

Political blowhard, part time Foreign Secretary and full time hard boiled twat Boris Johnson has claimed that “Russia has stockpiles of chemical weapons”. After a steady belch he said: “We’ve got evidence, that I of course can’t disclose here beca...

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Fans advised not to be within spitting distance of Jamie Carragher

Ex Liverpool legend Jamie Carragher has apologised after sensationally spitting at a fourteen year old girl and her dad on the motorway. The Sky TV pundit had been driving back from the Manchester United V Liverpool clash and was clearly a little ann...

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Austerity Authentication

Captain Bellend himself, Philip Hammond, has said “we’re not out of the woods yet” in reference to austerity. The policy that has been condemned by governments all over the world and is killing off the weakest of our population. Philip Said: A...

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Alan Pardew Ponders

Innovative football manager Alan Pardew has managed the impossible! He’s made fans of a club that used to have Tony Pulis in charge hate him more than they do Pulis. Which is a fantastic achievement as Pulis is the most fundamentally unlikable man in...

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NRA Sues Florida

In yet another brazen display of sticking your tongue in a plug socket insanity, the NRA have decided to sue the state of Florida for enacting limited gun control laws. Apparently the NRA won’t be happy until six year olds can buy automatic weapons s...

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Boomerang Kids Winging Back Home to Disappointed Parents

A study has found that “empty nesters” are beginning to resent “boomerang” kids. Any idea what that means? Nope us neither but we’ll plough on anyway. It’s said that “baby boomers” are tired of “millennials” thinking they know all “the swag” and then...

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NRA - National Rat Association

The NRA has finally flipped and released a video informing “every lying member of the media, to every Hollywood phoney, to the role model athletes” that their time is “running out”. With the threats emanating from an association whose revel gleef...

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What Do You Think?

Austria is generally remembered for giving us Hitler. On a local scale that’s like everyone knowing your restaurant gave the local synchronised swimming team the shits before the big final. The pool was never the same again. However an Austria...

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Brexit Means Brexit

Funny story: Brexit Means Brexit

“For Brexit everyone must give up something” The voice boomed out over the Manchester slum as the recently commissioned helicopter “Mogg One” descended towards the waiting crowd. The vehicle was shaped like a Victorian schoolmaster bending a young...

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Hollywood Hoax

TV icon Paul Hollywood has sensationally quit Twitter after a huge storm over buying fake followers. Paul, whose sex offender beard has captured the hearts of a nation, had accrued over 600k followers on the site. All eager to hear his advice or...

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England Head Coach Shocker

For the last few years women's football has been on an upward trajectory with record attendances at world cups, the Dutch side winning the European championships playing some excellent football and the standard of goal keeping improving to the point...

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Food Banks Poverty Wank

Conservative MP, Tobias Strom, today blasted the use of food banks up and down the country. Talking to forty other like minded cock ends he said: There is a growing epidemic in this country and I'm not talking about poor people! This got the ex...

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Boris and the Mail

Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, has blasted Virgin Railways for banning the Daily Mail. Or as we at Back and to the Left news refer to it as "A Rag for people who love racism to have a wank over". Boris, who looked like he'd been drinking but he a...

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Worboys Worries

We at Back and to the Left news aren't qualified to do a number of jobs. Brain surgeon, structural engineer, milkman or professional sportsmen are all occupations that are well beyond us. However it seems that being a member of the UK justice systems...

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NHS Crisis

Please note that we at Back and to the Left news hate writing about the Tory party. As we type about them our fingers bleed and we can hear the scratching of demons pushing though the thin veil of reality that surrounds our office. We'll get back to...

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Sheerans Silence

We at Back and to the Left news were unable to avoid eye contact with Ed Sheeran today and we ended up conducting an interview with him. I've just written the theme song to the new James Bond Movie! Ed we couldn't give less of a shit. Nobo...

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Breaking news…

The Queen Takes A Knee

The Queen of England takes a knee in front of Trump during the playing of the Stars Spangle Banner, joining the protest.
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