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Food Banks Poverty Wank

Conservative MP, Tobias Strom, today blasted the use of food banks up and down the country. Talking to forty other like minded cock ends he said: There is a growing epidemic in this country and I'm not talking about poor people! This got the ex...

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Boris and the Mail

Foreign Secretary, Boris Johnson, has blasted Virgin Railways for banning the Daily Mail. Or as we at Back and to the Left news refer to it as "A Rag for people who love racism to have a wank over". Boris, who looked like he'd been drinking but he a...

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Worboys Worries

We at Back and to the Left news aren't qualified to do a number of jobs. Brain surgeon, structural engineer, milkman or professional sportsmen are all occupations that are well beyond us. However it seems that being a member of the UK justice systems...

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NHS Crisis

Please note that we at Back and to the Left news hate writing about the Tory party. As we type about them our fingers bleed and we can hear the scratching of demons pushing though the thin veil of reality that surrounds our office. We'll get back to...

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Sheerans Silence

We at Back and to the Left news were unable to avoid eye contact with Ed Sheeran today and we ended up conducting an interview with him. I've just written the theme song to the new James Bond Movie! Ed we couldn't give less of a shit. Nobo...

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Sunderland Struggle

In an announcement that has shocked no one Northern Ireland manager Michael O'Neil has said he's "not interested in the Sunderland job". Which came as a surprise to Sunderland as, up to that point, they'd not approached him. Michael joins a long...

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The News At Me

The world is awash with important breaking news stories that scream so loud they surely cannot be ignored. There's a endless parade of sexual assault claims in Hollywood. Ex-Generals claiming the US could lose a war against the tinpot dictatorship of...

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Brexit Love Crimes

Statistics have shown that "hate attacks" have gone up since Brexit began (sometime in the 1900s we think, not sure it's been going on forever). We have to admit we have taken part in them as well. We shouted "your full of shit you hate filled bitch!...

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Tractor Disaster

Tragedy occurred in Lower Upper Middle Poppleton on Gastric By The Bypass as a parade to commemorate the 1956 tractor disaster ended in disaster. Back and to the Left news investigates......at the end of this sentence....from here.... In 1956 fort...

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Trump V Tillerson

In the last few minutes Donald Trump has sensationally called out his Secretary of (Oh my God this countries in a fucking) State and challenged him to an IQ test! We at Back and to the Left news are surprised that Mr Trump not only knows what an IQ t...

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Cooking For A Queen

Always at the forefront of breaking news (or at the very least listening in on other peoples conversations) we spoke to the Queens ex chef to find out what grub she loved! An exquisitely tall gentlemen, easily approaching 9ft 5, his arms the lengt...

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Mayday Failday

Embattled Prime Minister, Teresa May, has claimed she has "the full support of the cabinet" and the table and dining room chairs we guess. Mrs May, who was sat on what looked like a tub of vipers, said: "The country needs calm leadership and t...

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Southgate V Slovenia

England's managerial waterboy, Gareth Southgate, has sensationally admitted that "some if not all" of his current squad don't deserve to be there! England are scheduled to play Slovenia tonight and Gareth is obviously worried about the threat the...

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We Dislike Morrissey

Being as open minded, charismatic and good looking as we are we at Back and to the Left news often change our opinions on things. Except Morrissey. Fuck Morrissey. We were informed that he courted controversy at a gig, we assumed it's because even...

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Laundrette Islamification

In a massive middle finger to this great nations historic culture and values a laundrette has opened in Malaysia that is "Muslim friendly". Immediately social media went into meltdown as supporters of Britain First, EDL, BNP and BHS all vented their...

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Throw Another Chimp In The Sky

*Warning this story may contain lazy stereotypes and bad grammar. Don't judge us but we've got a little bit of a grudge against Australia* Australia is to set up it's own National Space agency to grow it's own space program. With typical Aussie se...

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The New Party

Big Nige Farage is coming back! Not that he ever really went away because every time you hear a foreign accent in the street and think "why are you still here I voted Brexit" that's the little Farage in you. After the blistering the success of UK...

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Strictly's Back and Shit as ever

Strictly Come Dancing is back on our screens and we couldn't give less of a fuck about it! Well we could but we got asked to stop writing about obscure things and making thinly veiled attacks on the right and could we please just write something norm...

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Breaking news…

Name Calling Trump

One thing about Trump, no one will ever call him simpatico!
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