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Congress to Outlaw Coitus Interruptis - 'Just Another Sleazy Way to Avoid Pregnancy!

A new Republican bill before Congress criminalizes coitus interruptis --the act of male withdrawal during heterosexual intercourse seconds before orgasm so as to avoid pregnancy. "If we're going to illegalize abortion and birth control," said Rep...

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Madonna Posing Topless As Aging Male Fans Hope They're Still Erection-Capable

At 56, Madonna has posed topless for a magazine photo shoot, hoping to prove that the same 16-year-old boys first experiencing the wonders of manhood by masturbating to her nude photos 30 years ago, will still do as lonely, broken, well-moisturized m...

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Official - Wanking Not A Cause Of Blindness!

Funny story: Official - Wanking Not A Cause Of Blindness!

A Medical Journal has published sensational clinical trial results proving that continuous wanking is not a cause of blindness. The results, published in "Better Lancit" contradicted what was commonly believed to be the truth. In the controlled e...

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Armless man caught masturbating on subway

A disturbing scene unfolded on the Los Angeles Metro Red Line Monday afternoon (Yes, L.A. actually does have mass transit), when an armless man began masturbating on the train in plain sight. The incident, which occurred around 4:30 PM between th...

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Masturbation Police May Be Necessary

Funny story: Masturbation Police May Be Necessary

Joni Ernst, the GOP candidate for the U.S. Senate in Iowa today spoke about the "sanctity of sacred sperm." "While it is true that a fertilized egg is a person, which is my position that certainly outlaws abortion in the cases of rape or incest,...

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Tybee Man Tells Son That 'Selfies' Could Make Him Go Blind

Funny story: Tybee Man Tells Son That 'Selfies' Could Make Him Go Blind

A Tybee Island father who tried to lecture his son on the dangers of 'selfies', after learning his son had posted about them on Facebook has made a complete fool of himself. Kevin Weller, 47, told his 15 year old son, Bobby, that not only were 's...

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Marathon Session Of James Bond DVD Viewing Comes To Abrupt Halt

Funny story: Marathon Session Of James Bond DVD Viewing Comes To Abrupt Halt

A Florida man's highly anticipated weekend of watching every James Bond on DVD came to a sudden and abrupt halt mid way through the movie 'Die Another Day'. The man, who can not be named for legal reasons (imminent divorce proceedings), was mid wa...

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Scientists promise New Robotic Arm will make masturbation "incredible"

Funny story: Scientists promise New Robotic Arm will make masturbation "incredible"

Scientists in San Francisco have unveiled a new robotic arm at the 2014 Technology Spring Convention. The machine which has taken 8 years to make, is made of steel but wrapped in a case of plastics made to resemble human skin. Head scientist Roger...

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The greatest love of all

Funny story: The greatest love of all

Let's face it guys, we all get nervous before a date with a beautiful young lady. And if it is one that you suspect and hope that you are going to get lucky on, then it's only natural that some performance anxiety will creep in. There are several ways to combat this but one of the commonest is to have a little "me time" prior to your date. This not only relaxes you but will hopefully make you a li...

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Voyeurism: It's not just for perverts anymore!

Voyeurism is the pastime of spying on someone who is unaware of his or her presence. were the victim aware, he or she (usually, she) wouldn't be lolling around naked in the first place, especially in the presence, seen or unseen, of anyone else (unless she is also an exhibitionist). If the voyeur is hard up enough to ogle someone in secret and there is no one available to ogle, he will usually...

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"Playboy" launches Braille issue

CHICAGO, IL - Christie Hefner, Hugh's daughter and president and CEO now that her father, the magazine's founder and publisher emeritus, is encumbered by his having to wear Depends diapers for adults to avoid embarrassing accidents, announced during...

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Pres. Obama 'Grounds' Imaginary Son for Excessive Masturbation

WASHINGTON, DC - It would seem that Chap is in the national doghouse once more as President Barack Obama announced to the White House press corps that he's grounded the "if I had a son" once more for participating in a public masturbating contest...

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Local Man Experiences Super Bowl Blackout

Funny story: Local Man Experiences Super Bowl Blackout

Wisconsin man Elliot Holmes experienced his own personal Super Bowl blackout during Sunday's big game and is wondering "what the hell happened?" after waking up in a pool of vomit and urine, his trousers down to his ankles and his dog whimpering in a...

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Masturbatorium To Close

Funny story: Masturbatorium To Close

A room which has become known to his friends as The Wanking Palace, has been designated 'Out of Bounds' by the parents of Clark Dylson, a juvenile in one of the South African capitals, Cape Town. Dylson, an habitual masturbator, regularly retires...

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My life as a man #16

Funny story: My life as a man #16

What's this mutual masturbation craze about? I believe I've mentioned here, once or twice, that I am attempting to get laid. Hour after hour I troll all of the sexual dating sites to check out women's profiles. I peruse their Sexual, Kinky, and Fetish Scales, and match them with mine, just to see if I measure up. I find that I lack one important arousal quotient that would make me more attr...

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Nevada college course requires girls to masturbate

Funny story: Nevada college course requires girls to masturbate

FALON NV (ABSNN) - "The teacher said I had to masturbate to pass his class," said WNC sophomore, Imanice Gurl, a 19-year-old who lives with her mother. "Momma says it's wrong to play with myself. I really don't know how. I guess I learn, though,...

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Man Who Donated Heavily To A Sperm Bank Keeps Running Into His Kinfolk

Funny story: Man Who Donated Heavily To A Sperm Bank Keeps Running Into His Kinfolk

Lancashire, U.K. - In a story that can only be seen in light of that old adage, reversed, 'What comes a round, goes around,' a German expatriate living as a civil servant in Britain, Helmut Heins, has claimed to have fathered over 10,000 children thr...

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Britain's Top Tosser Breaks Wrist

Funny story: Britain's Top Tosser Breaks Wrist

In a stunning volte face regarding stories containing smutty innuendo and double entendres, top satirical website thespoof.com today ran a story about Britain's Biggest Wanker breaking his wrist in an unfortunate onanistic accident, as he was lobbing...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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