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Funny satire stories about Walmart

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Costco woos millennials and illegals

A NEIGHBORHOOD NEAR YOU -- Costco's sales have declined as millennials take their place as adults in society's workforce. Used to living at home and having mom and dad foot their bills, many of the latest generation don't want to own a house, muc...

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Albertsons buys Safeways

NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK -- As more states move to legalize "medical marijuana" use, Albertsons will purchase Safeway in an attempt to "take on" Walmart, and the two supermarket chains will compete as one against the world's largest retailer (yes, that wou...

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Great WALL-mart of China! Ancient landmark purchased by corporate giant

In a joint press conference held by US corporate giant Walmart and Chinese officials in Beijing this morning, the sale of the Great Wall of China was announced. "The Great Wall will be the single largest retail outlet in the history of mankind,"...

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Walmart Removes All Of Its Miley Cyrus Action Figure Twerking Dolls From Its Shelves

Funny story: Walmart Removes All Of Its Miley Cyrus Action Figure Twerking Dolls From Its Shelves

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's biggest retail chain has just announced that due to a public outcry, it will be removing every Miley Cyrus Action Figure Twerking Doll from its shelves. Walmart spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace stated that the...

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Walmart Wants To Sponsor NASA's Next Space Shuttle

Funny story: Walmart Wants To Sponsor NASA's Next Space Shuttle

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail store has just contacted the National Aeronautics Space Administration about a business proposition. Walmart spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace stated that the Walton family has decided that they w...

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Some Walmarts Will Begin Selling Automobiles

Funny story: Some Walmarts Will Begin Selling Automobiles

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail giant is getting ready to revolutionize the retail store industry. Walmart Spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace has unveiled Walmart's new "We Got It All" policy by revealing that the retail franchis...

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Psychologists Worried About Growth Of 'Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome'- In Other Words- Christmas Shopping Madness!

Funny story: Psychologists Worried About Growth Of 'Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome'- In Other Words- Christmas Shopping Madness!

Mental authorities are warning of the expansion of a relatively new psychic dysfunction they have named PBFBS- Post Black Friday Buying Syndrome. It is the description given when the shopping instinct that many have developed in many countries contin...

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Walmart Admits Food Drive Was Simply Misplaced Compassion

Walmart issued a rare apology today for the tasteless advertisement that claimed its workers were so needy that they could use donations from its customers in the United States. The Bentonville, Arkansas based company which advertises better li...

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Walmart Removes All of Their Megyn Kelly Bobblehead Dolls From Their Shelves

Funny story: Walmart Removes All of Their Megyn Kelly Bobblehead Dolls From Their Shelves

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Walmart, the largest retail chain in the entire world, has just made it known that it does not take kindly to anyone attacking the sanctity of Christmas or Santa Claus. Walmart spokeswoman Kimberley Silverlace stated that t...

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Walmart Is Closing Its One Store In North Korea

Funny story: Walmart Is Closing Its One Store In North Korea

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail store has just stated that they will be closing its North Korean Walmart on January 3, 2014. A spokesperson for the retail giant said that the company was reporting an average of 15 shopping carts...

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Walmart to Hold Tent Sale for Homeless Employees

Funny story: Walmart to Hold Tent Sale for Homeless Employees

Bentonville, AR Walmart announced today it will hold a special sale in a HEATED tent for their homeless employees. "There will be lots of great sales on items that homeless people need, like shopping carts and sleeping bags. And because they ar...

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Walmart Spokesman Loses Control Punches Reporter

Funny story: Walmart Spokesman Loses Control Punches Reporter

New York - At a press conference today Walmart spokesman Scott A. Reid faced hostile questions from gathered reporters. The press were called so that Mr. Reid could justify the U.S. retailers decline to aid factory victims in Bangladesh by participa...

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Walmart acquires North Pole, outsources Santa to FedEx!

In a dramatic press conference held this morning at the corporate headquarters of Walmart, Inc. in Bentonville, Arkansas, a spokesman for the corporation announced the acquisition of the North Pole and the transfer of all of its operations to Benton...

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Walmart To Drop The Name Black Friday

Funny story: Walmart To Drop The Name Black Friday

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - After yet another Black Friday shopping fiasco where people were shoved, pushed, and attacked, the world's largest retail chain has issued a statement. A Walmart representative stated to the news media that although the vas...

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Some Black Friday Shoppers Don't Pussy Foot Around

Funny story: Some Black Friday Shoppers Don't Pussy Foot Around

NEW YORK CITY - An NYPD policeman said that he has been a police officer for 14 years. Officer Dwayne Peckashevski, 39, said that he has been working security on Black Friday at various department stores for the past 10 years and he has never seen...

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Thanksgiving Found Battered and Beaten In Back Alley. Police Clueless.

Funny story: Thanksgiving Found Battered and Beaten In Back Alley. Police Clueless.

The holiday of Thanksgiving was found badly beaten in a back alley today. The holiday, which has been waning in power and influence in the last decade, is now virtually homeless and forgotten as it has been minimized by the more commercial, and there...

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Due To The State Of Our Society, Thanksgiving Name To Be Changed To 'Selfish-Taking'.

Funny story: Due To The State Of Our Society, Thanksgiving Name To Be Changed To 'Selfish-Taking'.

Thanksgiving, once a proud cornerstone of our traditional American holidays with roots harkening back to our Pilgrim forefathers, is now comatose on the border of rigor mortis. At one time it was considered to be the most family oriented of celebrati...

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Valentine's Day Sales Promotions to Start on Christmas Day

Funny story: Valentine's Day Sales Promotions to Start on Christmas Day

BENTONVILLE, AK-Sources close to the marketing department of Walmart Stores, Inc., the world's largest retailer, have confirmed that all Walmart stores will open at 1 p.m. local time on Christmas Day in order to kick off the frenzy of sales of Valent...

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Breaking news…

Republicans Respond To Trump's Madness....

Today Congressional Republicans responded to all of Donald Trump's outrageous behavior and lies .....................................................................................................not.
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