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...I dig it, I really dig it!

Funny story: ...I dig it, I really dig it!

Robbers have dug a 50ft tunnel to plunder £70,000 from a cashpoint machine in what could be their fourth raid, it has been revealed! The thieves, dubbed "the great escape crew", are thought to have spent months using teaspoons they had collected v...

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Strange and Unexplained Phenomena Reported by Metro Area Youth

Are the dead rising from local cemeteries and terrorizing our local youth population? You could come to that conclusion after speaking with several local young people who have reported not only "ghostly" and unexplained phenomena, but a steady inc...

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Business magnate sentenced to 25 years to life in maximum-security federal penitentiary for stealing a loaf of bread

Funny story: Business magnate sentenced to 25 years to life in maximum-security federal penitentiary for stealing a loaf of bread

Mike Hawke, CEO of Blue Blood Pharmaceuticals, appeared before the Honorable Judge Colin Stern, this afternoon and was sentenced to 25 years to life in prison for what Forbes declared "The Crime of the 21st Century". The incident in question too...

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Serial Pot Thief Hits Boulder, Colorado

Funny story: Serial Pot Thief Hits Boulder, Colorado

BOULDER, COLORADO - Police authorities in Boulder have been investigating a flurry of pot thefts in the community. Since the end of January over 20 different residents have reported the loss of their Cannabis plants. Colorado's recently passed ma...

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Most Stolen Item in America?

Funny story: Most Stolen Item in America?

You'll have to guess several times as this writer gave it my beat shot! Believe it or not, it's hogs. I know you're thinking why so many hogs? Well, for one thing, an average sized hog can bring you $250 if you already have a customer ready to sl...

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Armed Police mistake colour chart for missing Damien Horst colour spot painting

Funny story: Armed Police mistake colour chart for missing Damien Horst colour spot painting

Armed art trained police swooped on a decorators van in Notting Hill this morning. Mr. C. Mycrack told our reporter, "I had this Crown Paints gloss colour chart in the back of my van, its just a kind of large sheet of coloured circles that my custome...

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Kristen Stewart In Trouble With L.A. Police Department

Funny story: Kristen Stewart In Trouble With L.A. Police Department

During the past several months Thieves have been robbing Kristen Stewart blind while she has been on the road and doing a lot of filming. She had placed call after call to the L. A. Police and no one was ever caught. In fact, she told a reporter t...

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Lady Steals Frozen Chickens

A compulsive shoplifter was admitted to hospital in Margate today suffering from hypothermia. Gladys McGurgle of Conker Road was accused of theft from Tesco on Saturday. Police said that in addition to several other items, Mrs McGurgle had taken...

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Stolen sheep on show for farmers

Funny story: Stolen sheep on show for farmers

Police are to show several hundred ewes which had previously been stolen from farms around the Tees region. The level of excitement in an otherwise pedestrian county is reaching fever pitch, as farmers across the area are gathering to identify th...

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Isle of Wight News - House thieves target the island

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - House thieves target the island

Newport police are asking residents of the whole Isle of Wight to be vigilant until they capture some rogue house thieves targeting the island. "There has been a sudden spate of house thefts recently," said Detective inspector Jenn Darme, who has...

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Day's bakings are stolen

Hungry thieves broke the window of a baker's shop in Gateshead yesterday and stole the day's bakings. Dozens of bread loaves and scores of cream buns were taken along with apple pies and big scones. As soon as George Cook, the baker, arrived,...

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The Marijuana State of Colorado Is Selling More Hostess Twinkies Than The Rest of The 49 States Combined

Funny story: The Marijuana State of Colorado Is Selling More Hostess Twinkies Than The Rest of The 49 States Combined

DENVER - The distributing company for Hostess Twinkies has just announced that the Rocky Mountain state of Colorado sells more Twinkies than the rest of the 49 states combined. Ellen "Sugarlips" Mantanello, 29, a spokesperson for the snack food co...

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Police Unearth Gang of Thieves

Funny story: Police Unearth Gang of Thieves

The Police have discovered a clever way in which thieves can try and fool the authorities. They call it 'Robbing from Dead Bodies'. Two men, known to associate with people of a questionable reputation, were apprehended for the suspected crime.

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The Stig implicated in post office raid

Shock descended on Middle Thrash on Monday afternoon, after drunken locals believed to have seen The Stig holding up the hamlet's post office. Terrence O'Dyer saw a "man in a strange white suit" jump out of a 1975 Vauxhall Viva with a shooter, and...

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Former bubble-gum champion robs sweet-shop

A champion bubble-gum blower is starting another 5-year prison sentence after an armed attack on a sweet-shop in Gateshead. Alan Wrigley, 45, was named in the Guinness Book of Records as the young British record-holder after blowing an 18-inch bub...

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Mother's Day Eve gardeners' vigil - as it happens

Funny story: Mother's Day Eve gardeners' vigil - as it happens

Gardeners up and down the country are on high alert due to the annual predation of daffodils by scroats planning to 'delight' their mothers. Supermarkets yesterday reported selling out of Red Bull, torch batteries and high-power water pistols (nor...

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Metal thieves are pushing up the price of metal

Funny story: Metal thieves are pushing up the price of metal

Every day, one hundred thousand tonnes of metal are stolen across the UK. This is mainly copper, although there is a significant amount of iron also. All of this metal needs to be replaced, as most of it can be quite vital to railway lines, the st...

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Masked bank robber escapes with dozens of "Next Window Please" placards

Police say a lone suspect escaped with dozens of "Next Window Please" placards during a tense bank robbery yesterday. "He rushed in when the bank was filled with customers," said First Insolvent Bank manager Libra-Fawn DeMedved. "He grabbed a stapl...

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Breaking news…

United States Stupidity Quotient

The S. Q. increased 16% in the first year of Trump's term of office. It now stands at 69%.
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