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Funny satire stories about Thanksgiving

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Funny story: Turkey Hotline a Success

Turkey Hotline a Success

A joint program between the Department of Justice and the country's largest turkey producer has been declared a success following the apprehension of over 250 fugitive turkeys. The arrest of the turkeys is the result of tips phoned into the turkey ho...
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Funny story: Thanksgiving Comet or Royal Death Star? The portents look ominous

Thanksgiving Comet or Royal Death Star? The portents look ominous

London, UK - The Astronomer Royal has issued a DeafCon Two alert about the Thanksgiving Comet as it crosses Queen Elizabeth's natal house of horrors in a sun grazing fly-past tomorrow at noon. Comet Ison's imminent cakewalk takes place exactly 333...
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Funny story: NYC's Sidewalk Santa Parade Canceled after 100 Years

NYC's Sidewalk Santa Parade Canceled after 100 Years

New York, NY - For a century, New York's Sidewalk Santas have marched on Fifth Avenue on the morning after Thanksgiving collecting donations from Black Friday shoppers. Now they're calling it quits. "There's just not as much money in it anymor...
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Funny story: American Corporation Expresses Thanksgiving Gratitude for "Citizens United"

American Corporation Expresses Thanksgiving Gratitude for "Citizens United"

"Before Citizens United," mused patriotic, all-American (outsourcing aside) corporation Corp. Inc., "I didn't have a great sense of who I really was. I didn't want to be all business, all the time. Now I don't have to be. I'm a person." A little b...
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Funny story: Thanksgiving Found Battered and Beaten In Back Alley. Police Clueless.

Thanksgiving Found Battered and Beaten In Back Alley. Police Clueless.

The holiday of Thanksgiving was found badly beaten in a back alley today. The holiday, which has been waning in power and influence in the last decade, is now virtually homeless and forgotten as it has been minimized by the more commercial, and there...
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Funny story: Due To The State Of Our Society, Thanksgiving Name To Be Changed To 'Selfish-Taking'.

Due To The State Of Our Society, Thanksgiving Name To Be Changed To 'Selfish-Taking'.

Thanksgiving, once a proud cornerstone of our traditional American holidays with roots harkening back to our Pilgrim forefathers, is now comatose on the border of rigor mortis. At one time it was considered to be the most family oriented of celebrati...
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Funny story: Thanksgiving Day Football Highlights

Thanksgiving Day Football Highlights

Recapping Thursday's Football action Texans 34, Lions 31: Lions coach Jim Schwartz is blindsided by an obscure rule that states throwing a challenge flag on Thanksgiving will result in the other team automatically being awarded a touchdown. Redskins 38, Cowboys 31: Tony Romo insists in post-game interview that another Kenny Chesney set at the start of the third quarter would have been enough...
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Funny story: Speaker John Boehner on the Fiscal Cliff: "Everything's on the Table Except My Benefits"

Speaker John Boehner on the Fiscal Cliff: "Everything's on the Table Except My Benefits"

Washington - During a Thanksgiving message to the nation, John Boener (R), Speaker of the House, revealed that he was absolutely and unswerving committed to avoiding the impending fiscal cliff at all cost. The Speaker promised to sit down in t...
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Funny story: President Forgets To Pardon 45,999,998 Turkeys

President Forgets To Pardon 45,999,998 Turkeys

WASHINGTON, Nov. 22 -- In a pre-Thanksgiving ceremony at the White House yesterday afternoon, President Obama continued a much-beloved American tradition and forgot to pardon approximately 45,999,998 turkeys. Cobbler and Gobbler, two turkeys who h...
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Funny story: Obama pardons America's fattest and stupidest turkey: Karl Rove of Fox News

Obama pardons America's fattest and stupidest turkey: Karl Rove of Fox News

WASHINTON, DC (ABSNN) - President Barack Obama carried on the tradition of pardoning a turkey this Thanksgiving, but the recipient of the clemency, Karl Rove, was not at all impressed. "We received requests to pardon more than 50,000 turkeys this...
View 'Obama pardons America's fattest and stupidest turkey: Karl Rove of Fox News'
Funny story: Walmart's Grey Thursday Takes The 'Thanksgiving' Out Of Thanksgiving

Walmart's Grey Thursday Takes The 'Thanksgiving' Out Of Thanksgiving

The intense focus on post Thanksgiving retail selling initiated by Black Friday has now been one-upped by Walmart's new play of starting specials on Thanksgiving night, thus luring people out of their homes on a major family holiday. It also forces W...
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Funny story: Celtics Giving Thanks, but No Thanks on Thanksgiving

Celtics Giving Thanks, but No Thanks on Thanksgiving

The Celtics now lose by leaps and bounds. If Superman can leap over tall buildings, the Celtics found themselves playing like Clark Kent when he forgot where he put his cape. In a game where rebounds are everywhere, there is not a drop in the buck...
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Funny story: My life as a man #31

My life as a man #31

God damn you merry gentlemen! What I've learned in my 61 years is that if you spend too much time in the past, you get trapped there, especially if the past is all you have to get you through the day. I am as much a historian as anything I may be. But the past is the past. And while I admire those who plan well for their futures, I am also smart enough to know that a significant number of th...
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Funny story: Major retailers to put out barf buckets Thanksgiving afternoon

Major retailers to put out barf buckets Thanksgiving afternoon

Plymouth, Mass - Mal*Wart, JC Farthings, and Maced stores all plan to open right after millions of giant turkey dinners are consumed. Who wants to wait for Black Friday? According to Dr. Drew Upbird, medical consultant to the retail industry, con...
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Funny story: Elvis reborn in Germany

Elvis reborn in Germany

Staff at Graceland today were shocked when the US army revealed that a DNA sample taken from a visitor to an Army Base in Germany matched that of the King. Elvira Muntz from Berlin who works part time as a waitress was hired as part of a staff for...
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Funny story: Honey Boo Boo Thanksgiving and Christmas specials will air on TLC

Honey Boo Boo Thanksgiving and Christmas specials will air on TLC

ATLANTA (ABSNN) - Alana Thompson (Honey Boo Boo) and her mother June Shannon (Fat Demonic Hell Pig) are the stars of TLC's Toddlers and Tiaras. They visited a television station in Atlanta, the home of The Learning Channel, to discuss their upcoming...
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Funny story: Wrong 'Turkey ' Giving Thanks to White House

Wrong 'Turkey ' Giving Thanks to White House

There has been a mix up in the annual presidential pardoning of a Thanksgiving turkey, as a White House aide unwittingly pardoned Turkey the country instead of an actual turkey. It is, as yet, unclear what exactly Turkey has been pardoned of, but...
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Funny story: A Turkey of a Holiday

A Turkey of a Holiday

In a stunning development yesterday, President Barack Obama has declined to grant clemency to Tom Turkey. The White House press secretary read a written statement which said in part, "I know this decision is going to make me unpopular, but there sim...
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Breaking News...

"Goop" Introduces Coal Egg

"Once you muster enough pelvic muscle strength to compress this baby into a diamond, you will have a beautiful gemstone to present to the man of your dreams," declared spokesmodel Gwyneth Paltrow.
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