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Area Mom's Facebook Response to Nice Attack Notes She Had a Great Meal There Once

MORRISTOWN, NJ--In a Facebook post offering her condolences on the tragic events unfolding in Nice, France, area mother Brianna Simpson pointedly noted that she had a great meal in Nice several years ago. "My heart is broken about what is happenin...

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Unfazed, Istanbul Airport Terror Bombing Suspects Return To Normal Minutes After Carnage

Istanbul, Turkey - Traveller Cenak Dropzekluk did not let terror stop him from continuing to watch a Denise Milani Youtube Video on his Samsung Galaxy. "You should check out her tits," he said, his head wrapped in a bloody bandage. Next to hi...

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"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier": A Look at George W. Bush On The Eve Of His 70th Birthday

Funny story: "A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier": A Look at George W. Bush On The Eve Of His 70th Birthday

Almost born on the day that our beloved country was born (July 4), George Walker Bush, son of former president and vice president George Herbert Walker Bush and brother to former governor of Florida Jeb Bush, will turn 70 this July 6th. It is fitting that his birthday falls within such an auspicious range of dates since he, and his vaunted political family, has been so integral in the formati...

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Trump, the new terrorist

Funny story: Trump, the new terrorist

Listen up ISIS. There is a bigger threat these days nearer to home (the USA). While the ISIS operates in the Middle East and has only spouted threats for actual terrorism in mainland USA, there is a regime shaping up that is more terrifying than ISIS...

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Upon Hearing New UN Sanctions, North Korea's Kim Jong Un Talks of Retaliation

Funny story: Upon Hearing New UN Sanctions, North Korea's Kim Jong Un Talks of Retaliation

Pyongyang, North Korea Rotund North Korean dictator Kim Jong Un issued some new threats to the Western World, in retaliation for the latest round of sanctions on North Korea by the UN. Kim Jong-Un will: *No longer allow his all-girl band to travel outside the country. *No longer let tourists photograph the giant Kim Song-Il statue. *Flood the Internet with penile enlargement spam. *...

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Obama Disarms ISIS with His Trademark Smile

Funny story: Obama Disarms ISIS with His Trademark Smile

After decades of an expanding - and largely ineffective - "War on Terror," President Barack Obama recently succeeded in disarming the militant jihadist group ISIS using merely his trademark smile. Sources report that in a confidential meeting wit...

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Humiliation for Terrorists!

The new Terrorism Control Act which became law at midnight last night introduces a new range of Terrorism Related Offences (TROs) and takes a surprisingly innovative approach to the punishment of those offences. The Act defines TROs as the manufa...

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Guantánamo Detainee Refuses Offer of Release After 14 Years in Prison and Tosses Conical Hat in the Ring

Funny story: Guantánamo Detainee Refuses Offer of Release After 14 Years in Prison and Tosses Conical Hat in the Ring

WASHINGTON - Three Guantánamo detainees were slated to leave the American prison in Cuba this week after 14 years in captivity, but early Wednesday morning, only two were willing to board the plane. The third - Mohammed Ali Abdullah Bwazir of Yemen -...

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Jobs Outlook Report Shows Likely Shortage of Suicide Bomber Instructors

Funny story: Jobs Outlook Report Shows Likely Shortage of Suicide Bomber Instructors

A report released yesterday by the United Nations subcommittee for Global Employment Outlook predicts a shortage of competent suicide bomber instructors beginning in the first quarter of 2016 and continuing, likely, forever. According to the repo...

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Congress Gangs Up On ISIS

Funny story: Congress Gangs Up On ISIS

Capitol Hill - Lawmakers are launching a new strategy to fight the ISIS threat, creating the nation's first Homeboy Security Gang. The street-level enforcement group will include every American citizen, except for those who are already in pris...

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Obama orders creation of No Walk List

Funny story: Obama orders creation of No Walk List

Washington, D. C. - President Obama doubled down on his anti-second amendment rhetoric today, announcing executive action to create several new lists along the lines of the "No Fly List", including a "No Work" list and a "No Walk" list. Reaction was...

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Heaven Running out of Virgins

Funny story: Heaven Running out of Virgins

With war raging in the Middle East and terror attacks happening with greater frequency all over the world, heaven is starting to run out of virgins. According to the Koran, every Jihadist who dies is promised 72 virgins, but ever since the Syrian civ...

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Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

Funny story: Paradise Unsure of What to Do With Martyr Couple

"This has us stumped," said a spokesangel in Paradise. "I mean, do we give them each seventy-two virgins? Do we make them share the same seventy-two? In the latter case, should there be thirty-six male virgins and thirty-six female?" "Or, do w...

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NRA Demands Tighter Controls on Body Armor Sales

Funny story: NRA Demands Tighter Controls on Body Armor Sales

NRA spokesmilf Sierra Paylin caught the first available flight to San Bernardino (She even spelled it right!) to address the press with regards to an issue that has been bugging the NRA for years: "How is it possible for any deranged nut in this c...

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Wikileaks Latest...

Dear diary, *sigh I have been working for five years on the International Anti-Terrorism Forensic Task Force and after examining the Paris attacks I have yet again come to the conclusion that it was the governments that were behind this. It's always the freakin' governments! Boston - government! Charlie Hebdo - government! Australia - government! And my superiors (obviously) don...

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Nazi Technology under Consideration for Modern Application

PARIS - In response to the atrocities which unfolded in Paris this weekend, the United Nations Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) have deployed UN sanctioned engineers to Oswiecim, Poland, to conduct analysis on the functional...

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Drone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (2/2)

Last time, just for a change, President Obama Sanders-meandered around for a bit, and made very heavy weather of expressing his policy intentions. But at least he got around to admitting that the world is not just shades of grey, and that there is such a thing as objective good and evil, right? Either way, (or "both and neither," if you're a certain notable Swiftboat celebrity), here's the...

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Drone Address: Obama Condemns (-Ish) Suicide Bombers (1/2)

President Obama has conclusively refuted all the unpatriotic pinkos who hate America so much, they want to maliciously and opportunistically hinder his drone campaign… Which latter, as we all know and agree, exists purely in order for your safety alone. Read it with an open mind. Well, I mean, c'mon; at least he's not a neocon, right? ;) Now let me say this. Well, why not? I...

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