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Safer Swimming

Funny story: Safer Swimming

After a series of mishaps in public swimming pools, the government have decided to step in and bring the public swimming baths rule sheet up to date. No longer will it display No Running, No Bombing, No Petting and No Food or Drink. Instead, H...

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Hunt on for hot tub burglary gang who take a dip in victims' pools

Funny story: Hunt on for hot tub burglary gang who take a dip in victims' pools

Yes, 'cheeky burglars' abound in part of England. So far they have struck four times. Each time they have made a "clean" getaway. Police are said to be looking for three 'squeaky-clean' men in their early 20s, according to forensic expert, Luk...

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Swimming Pool Bans Flotation Aids On Elf & Safety Grounds

Funny story: Swimming Pool Bans Flotation Aids On Elf & Safety Grounds

A local swimming pool has banned children's floats on grounds of health and safety. Following an incident where a young child almost choked, having taken a bite out of one of the polystyrene floats, the floats have now been removed from use. Pool...

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Wayne Rooney Exclusive: It's Synchronised Swimming!

Funny story: Wayne Rooney Exclusive: It's Synchronised Swimming!

We can exclusively reveal that it's not money or the attraction of another club that is pulling Wayne Rooney away from Manchester United. He wants to perform in Britain's synchronised swimming team at the 2012 Olympics in London! The shocking n...

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Delhi Belly strikes Commonwealth Swimmers

Funny story: Delhi Belly strikes Commonwealth Swimmers

Stomach cramps, diarrhoea and vomiting is sweeping across the swimming squads at this year's Commonwealth games in Delhi. Team doctors have identified several different bacteria responsible and have concluded that they are picking up the strains from...

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Commonwealth Games Swimming Pool 'Full Of Piss'

Funny story: Commonwealth Games Swimming Pool 'Full Of Piss'

There were calls for the Commonwealth Games swimming pool to be emptied and cleaned tonight, after investigations by games officials found that it was full of urine. The investigation took place after several swimmers complained of stomach upsets...

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Shades of Stuart Lubbock at Amanda Holden childhood home pool death tragedy

Funny story: Shades of Stuart Lubbock at Amanda Holden childhood home pool death tragedy

Bournemouth - (Deep End Mess): Police are probing the death of a young man found at the bottom of a Bournemouth swimming pool. Twenty five year-old Luke Barnes' lifeless body was found on Saturday following a rowdy Friday night party at a house wh...

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Black kids in the US can't swim, why?

Funny story: Black kids in the US can't swim, why?

The US black population cannot swim, don't want to learn and have never bothered, WHY? A US survey has discovered that Blacks just don't like water (swimming in it) and tend to avoid swimming pools and lessons like the pest. A Professor at Yale...

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Welsh woman gains six stone after misinterpreting advice from a cross channel swimming coach

Funny story: Welsh woman gains six stone after misinterpreting advice from a cross channel swimming coach

A 43 year old, divorced mother of four from Tredegar in South Wales recently sued her swimming coach for damages after she misinterpreted his advice to 'cover herself in lard' before attempting to swim the English Channel. The woman (who wishes to re...

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Shark Found In Kid's Paddling Pool

Funny story: Shark Found In Kid's Paddling Pool

Parents and carers were warned today to check their childrens pools after a Great White Shark was found swimming in the paddling pool of a family in Surrey. Mr and Mrs Findus, said their four year old daughter, Marina, was splashing about in the...

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Brick Saving to be new Olympic Sport

Funny story: Brick Saving to be new Olympic Sport

Following England's woeful turn at the World Cup, British sport's chiefs are looking to field a strong team for the 2012 Olympics, to be staged in what is now London, but in future times could be called Cleggsville, or Cameron Villas. Mr Russell...

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Swimming Pools Set To Close For Ramadan

A local council has announced moves to close ALL swimming pools for the duration of the Islamic tradition of fasting during Ramadan. Council leader Duncan Goodhugh said "There is a very real danger that ravenous Muslims will imbibe chlorinated wat...

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Phelps swims channel, does flip turn, returns to UK

Funny story: Phelps swims channel, does flip turn, returns to UK

Michael Phelps, Olympic phenomenon, swam the English Channel in 4 hours 17 minutes, did flip turn and returned in 3 hours and 58 minutes. Asked why he didn't stay in France for a visit Phelps replied, "My rental car was parked in Dover".

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Scout breaks world 100 metre swimming record

Funny story: Scout breaks world 100 metre swimming record

A scout in Lytham St Annes, near Blackpool, has broken the world swimming record for the one hundred metres freestyle thanks to an obscure ruling in the scouting organisation. After examining how dangerous water is, the British Scouts (BS) have de...

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Man Crosses English Channel In Shoe

Funny story: Man Crosses English Channel In Shoe

Thirty-nine year old Eric Dewit crossed the English Channel on Saturday afternoon, in a Cuban Heeled Shoe, in a time of F days, y hours and q seconds. In a bizarre twist, after landing at Zerf Point in northern Switzerland, Dewit, a Hairdryer sale...

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Ted Kennedy Actually Dead Ten Hours Before it was Reported

Funny story: Ted Kennedy Actually Dead Ten Hours Before it was Reported

In a stunning news announcement, it was learned today that Ted Kennedy was actually dead for ten hours before it was reported. Instead of dying in his home on Tuesday evening, it actually happened in the early afternoon. One of those involved, sp...

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Michael Phelps To Wear Bikini

Funny story: Michael Phelps To Wear Bikini

Michael Phelps, the US swimmer who won an amazing 8 gold medals at the Beijing Olympic Games, today astonished his critics as he revealed that, to avoid allegations of cheating in future competitions, he will wear a bikini when racing. Many people...

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Philadelphia Pool Manager Accused of Racism Will Now Accept Black Kids

Funny story: Philadelphia Pool Manager Accused of Racism Will Now Accept Black Kids

PHILADELPHIA - Josh Hoodmeister, manager of The Friendly Friends of Freedom Private Suburban Swim Club, which denied 60 black kids access to the club's pool has changed his mind. Hoodmeister admitted that he was wrong in denying the kids access to...

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Breaking news…

Trump Sorry For 'Horseface' Tweet

Trump apologizes to Stormy Daniels for calling her 'horseface' in a
tweet. Tweet was actually meant for Kelly Ann Conway.
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