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Trump is Trying to Bring Osama Bin Laden Back to LifeHe has vowed to undo EVERYTHING Obama ever did.
The NBA's Decision to Allow Space Aliens to Play Met with OppositionAn anonymous basketball player who refuses to speak on camera is allegedly saying, "I don't see why these slimy, 2-headed creatures are allowed to play. It's a wonder they let us black athletes play."
Study Finds Eggs are Good For You Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.Putting the debate to rest once and for all, researchers concluded that eggs are good for you Mondays,Wednesdays,and Fridays,and bad for you Tuesdays, Thursday,and alternate Saturdays.
President Trump Found Dead In Apparent Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation!Visitors to the Oval Office were stunned today to stumble upon the corpse of #45 lying face down on his desk with the plastic bag from Wonder Bread over his head,and child porn on his laptop.
Moore Wins Alabama Senate Seat; 30,000 Jones votes InvalidatedTuscaloosa. The Alabama Republican Sec. of State today ruled 30,000 votes for Doug Jones in Montgomery and Birminghan were cast fraudulently by Russian hackers and therefore invalid.
"Pedophilia now, pedophilia tomorrow, pedophilia forever!"Oh, if only Alabamians could reanimate ol' George Wallace to campaign for Judge Roy Moore.
I can hear him now, roaring to the crowds, "Pedophilia now, pedophilia tomorrow, pedophilia forever!"
Alabama's New State MottoAfter Tuesday Alabama's state motto, Audemus jura nostra defendere ("We dare defend our rights"), will most likely be changed to Audemus pedophilium nostra defendere ("We dare defend our pedophiles").
Republicans Decide Al Franken Must Be Executed to Set an ExampleTrump tweets his support and reminds voters that Roy Moore never admitted HE did anything wrong.
After Slashing Size of Utah Monuments,Trump Will Next Sub-Divide the Grand CanyonThe portion of the Grand Canyon freed from historical status will be filled in and a casino built.
Congressman Conyers Names Son to Succeed Him in U.S. House and Confers New TitleRetiring Mich. Rep Conyers proclaims his son as rightful inheritor of his Detroit fiefdom. Jealous of his seniority in the House as King o'Droopy Underpants, he quickly dubs Junior as Knave of Boxers.
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