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A Golden Treasury of Kennedy Family Mattress Stains Published

Funny story: A Golden Treasury of Kennedy Family Mattress Stains Published

New York - Decades of off piste shagging have brought Robert F Kennedy Jr to his carpet-burnt knees. Cited as a co-respondent in a former squeeze's divorce case RFK's cell phone directory of cheap and tacky hos was being touted as exhibit one in N...

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Florida Grandmother Can't Believe That Neighbors Daughter Has A Tattoo

Fort Lauderdale, Florida: Grandmother of six Betsie Hallmark 75, expressed utter shock Tuesday when her neighbors 34 year old daughter dropped by to return a long since borrowed plate. "I can't believe that Annie Grassmire would let her daughter h...

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Jane Goodall: I Know What Happened to the Missing Men

Funny story: Jane Goodall: I Know What Happened to the Missing Men

Jane Goodall, the primatologist celebrated for her meticulous studies of chimps in the wild has stated that she wants people to know before something could happen to her. "I know what happened to the leading male scientists and best brains of the...

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Prostitutes In Pueblo, Colorado Are Reportedly Acceptiing Marijuana In Lieu of Cash

Funny story: Prostitutes In Pueblo, Colorado Are Reportedly Acceptiing Marijuana In Lieu of Cash

PUEBLO, Colorado - A member of The Pueblo City Council has just informed the public that they've learned that prostitutes working the downtown area of Pueblo have developed a new payment method. It appears that the streetwalkers are now accepting...

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Teen Hookers See 12% Pay Increase in 2013

Funny story: Teen Hookers See 12% Pay Increase in 2013

Local teen hookers are doing pretty well in this rough economy according to a Pew Research Poll. The Poll taken the last week of December 2013 showed that the average hourly pay for teen hookers is up 12% from the same time last year. "I think t...

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Professor Quits Job To Open Brothel In Nevada

Funny story: Professor Quits Job To Open Brothel In Nevada

DEMOCRACY NOW! TRANSCRIPT This is a rush transcript. Copy may not be in its final form. AMY GOODMAN: Here today with me is Professor Hugh Hurrong who has just resigned from the University of Houston to open a brothel in Nevada. Professor, why did you resign from your position at the university? HUGH HURRONG: Well, Amy, in my role as a Professor of Finance I defended Wall Street, Big...

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Inflation, Schminflation--Why We Pay So Much But Aren't Counted As Paying So Much

Inflation--the phenomenon that economists explain is the inexorable rise in prices that outpace our ability to purchase, doesn't seem to be a concern for central banks in general. Word on the street is that the official inflation doesn't match what i...

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Fat Leonard is At It Again! Navy Flushes Out Bogus Charges

After installing flowmeters in the outputs of all Navy ships serviced by Fat Leonard Francis and his company, the Navy was able to compute just how much Fat Leonard was overcharging the Navy. It appears that Fat Leonard was claiming to be suc...

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Pastor Gives Shocking Advice On How Mainline Churches Can Survive

Funny story: Pastor Gives Shocking Advice On How Mainline Churches Can Survive

The "message" printed below was leaked to JSwift News Service. It was faxed and e-mailed as an attachment to mainline protestant ministers throughout the United States and Canada. The minister who wrote it, Cotton Mather, intended it to be confidential. If you read between the lines its text is quite shocking. It is re-printed here word for word: A MESSAGE TO MY FELLOW CLERGY FROM HOLY G...

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Dixie

"I wish I was in Dixie." - Epitaph on Nicole Brown Simpson's headstone Dixie or Dixieland (not to be mistaken for Disneyland) is an imaginary country celebrated in a number of popular songs and, as such, takes its place not so much among the nations of the earth as it does among other nations of the mind, in a mental atlas alongside Narnia, Middle Earth, Oz, La La Land, Never Never Land, and...

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Bookies Offer Odds on Pope and Berlusconi

Funny story: Bookies Offer Odds on Pope and Berlusconi

A leading bookkeeper has drawn up a book on the possibilities surrounding the disgraced Italian Prime Minister and Bunga Bunga media tycoon Silvio Berlusconi's jail sentence for corrupting minors. I spoke with CEO Jimmy Alyercash. He explained as follows: "1/3 is very good odds that Berlusconi will be acquitted on an appeal. The whole trial looks to us to have been a fix-up so that he would...

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Italian Government Affirms Strict Stance On 18+ At Government Orgies

In a rare act of political unity from the land that brought the world Caligula, Benito Mussolini, and the single most influential cultural factor behind "Jersey Shore", the government of Italy has reaffirmed its stance that all whores in attendance a...

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Hillary Clinton allegedly operated whorehouse

WHITEWASHINGton, DC - Arch-feminist and champion of women's lib, Hillary Clinton allegedly operated as a madame during her tenure as Secretary of State, operating a house of ill repute for high-ranking members of the president's cabinet. "It is uncer...

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Long Island DA swoops on solicitation bottom feeders

Long Island - "Luckily nobody resident in Lily Pond Lane is on the solicitation roll call of shame," an East Hampton pool man commented, "but come August when the Clintons are vacationing here again, maybe the DA will get lucky a second time round."...

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Mayor Bloomberg and The New York City Prostitutes

Funny story: Mayor Bloomberg and The New York City Prostitutes

NEW YORK CITY - Reports are that there is nothing that Mayor Mike "The Big Gulp" Bloomberg enjoys more than making mayoral directives and passing city ordinances, bills, and laws. The mayor of The Big Apple is still not a happy camper about the fa...

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Weddings have become too expensive

Funny story: Weddings have become too expensive

With the economy in the state that it is in, the rising cost of weddings has become something that many men are deciding against tying the knot. "It costs several thousand quid," said Harry Balls, a mathematics lecturer from Sheffield University,...

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"Dirty Jobs" cancelled but Mike Rowe's new series "Dirty Girls" begins Jan on Discovery

Funny story: "Dirty Jobs" cancelled but Mike Rowe's new series "Dirty Girls" begins Jan on Discovery

ATLANTA, Georgia (ABSNN) - The ever smiling Mike Rowe, host of the Discovery Channel's long-running "Dirty Jobs" announced the show would not continue after this year. However, Rowe is not out of a job at the Discovery Channel; he will host a new sh...

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Tiger Woods' mistress to be hooker at Nevada brothel

Funny story: Tiger Woods' mistress to be hooker at Nevada brothel

MOON LIGHT BUNNY RANCH, Nevada (ABSNN) - Dennis Hof, owner of a legal, Nevada brothel, told reporters today that Tiger Woods' porn-star mistress Number 8, Joslyn James, would work "for one week only," at his thriving Moon Light Bunny Ranch. Ms. Jame...

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Breaking news…

Trump Now Also President of Egypt

President Donald Trump now claims to be part Egyptian after a new mummy was uncovered. Noted the President, "Look! It's old, wrinkly, shriveled, and orange! Just like me!"
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