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Cern Boffins Baffled By Faster-Than-Light Particles

Funny story: Cern Boffins Baffled By Faster-Than-Light Particles

Cern scientists have been baffled by experiments which seem to turn a century of physics on its head. They claim to have witnessed neutrinos travelling at speeds faster than the speed of light. If they are shown to be correct, it could throw doubt...

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God Particle Discovered, Shockingly in the Shape of a Cheeseburger

Funny story: God Particle Discovered, Shockingly in the Shape of a Cheeseburger

Scientists were simultaneously elated and confounded over the recent discovery of the smallest particle in the universe, as produced from the $10 Billion Proton Collider on the Swiss/French border. The source for all other particle creation, also de...

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Stockport Man Finds Higgs Boson Particle Behind Sofa

Funny story: Stockport Man Finds Higgs Boson Particle Behind Sofa

Scientists are celebrating today after a retired plumber found the so called "God Particle" behind his sofa. Bill Appleton, 63, has expressed his surprise at his find. "I was only looking behind the sofa for some change to pay the window cleaner...

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'Galaxy Quest' moment as CERN boffins recreate Star Trek anti-matter warheads

Funny story: 'Galaxy Quest' moment as CERN boffins recreate Star Trek anti-matter warheads

Switzerland - Astrophysicists at Switzerland's CERN Institute have replicated anti-matter warheads first debuted on a Star Trek episode in 1966. A report on the Beeb TV news channel broadcast an excerpt on Monday night showing Captain Jim Kirk ord...

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'God' particle to be discovered by end of 2012?!

Funny story: 'God' particle to be discovered by end of 2012?!

As predicted in a previous spoof, the fictional 'God' particle was in fact not found at Easter, and was yet another jibe in the relentless atheist drive against religion. At a recent press conference, the boffins from CERN proudly announced that t...

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Hadron collider in major collision!

Funny story: Hadron collider in major collision!

The so-called Large Hadron Collider, buried deep underground somewhere in Switzerland finally proved its worth yesterday when at 4.21 pm in the afternoon (GMT) it collided with a large hadron. A loud cheer rang through the echoing caverns - this w...

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Cooking for Physicists

There are plenty of "How To" articles for buying houses and the other big decisions. How To books for cooking, however, are rarely called "How to Cook", unless you look for books by Delia Smith. Instead, they have a bewildering array of names, such as "30 Minute Meals", "101 Recipes for Lentils", and the like. This makes selecting appropriate reference material more complicated. Many of you wil...

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How to tell the difference between the sexes for physicists

Funny story: How to tell the difference between the sexes for physicists

Many long hours in the lab, observatory or one's own head can leave many dedicated physicist unable to make the basic distinction between the sexes. Fortunately, there is a handy reference for identifying the sexes that can prevent many an unfortunate encounter. This is similar to the process for confirming a hypothesis, and contains many null hypothesis, thus it is totally scientific and can b...

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Meeting women for Physicists

Funny story: Meeting women for Physicists

There is nothing trickier in life than finding The One. Not Neo from the Matrix, but a partner with which to spend one's life; a soul-mate. The One is often typified by a strong attraction, and it is here where we can look for help in physics with the laws of electromagnetism. Faraday's law of induction (or in this case, introduction) states that moving a magnet induces electricity. Or to put i...

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Directions for physicists

Funny story: Directions for physicists

At school, we are taught that there are four states of matter (in decreasing order of order) Solid, Liquid, Gas and Plasma. Physicists know of a fifth, which is Bose-Einstein Condensate, which is a kind of solid liquid. However, this is an extreme and rarely encountered outside of the lab. But what does this have to do with asking for directions? Well, there are four states of being lost.

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Laws of Home Economics for physicists

Funny story: Laws of Home Economics for physicists

As with the laws of thermodynamics, there are three laws of home economics. The dedicated physicist should bare these in mind when setting up home. 1. Conservation of energy No matter how often lights and appliances are switched off, elsewhere in the home, a spouse or child is turning on something else. This keeps the house energy levels constant. Adding insulation, energy saving bulbs and tri...

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Obama wins Nobel Prize in Physics

Funny story: Obama wins Nobel Prize in Physics

The Royal Swedish Academy of Sciences has awarded the 2010 Nobel Prize in Physics to Barack Obama, current president of the United States. Mr. Obama accepted the prize at the traditional royal ceremony in Oslo, Norway. He addressed the distinguis...

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Bees May Hold Secret to Fourth Dimension

Funny story: Bees May Hold Secret to Fourth Dimension

Remember the year the bees all but disappeared? Not many were left and beekeepers were beside themselves wondering if their livelihoods had been taken from them forever, only to realize a year later that the bees were back. Where did they go? Quan...

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Dark Matter Found in 6-Month Old Fast Food Hamburger Patty

Funny story: Dark Matter Found in 6-Month Old Fast Food Hamburger Patty

Physicist Moby Ustrip from Simi Valley, California has just published a scientific paper that is poised to set the world of physics on its ear. For years now, Ustrip has been studying the theory of dark matter first introduced in 1933 by Swiss astrop...

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Theoretical Physicist Fails to Impress America's Got Talent Judges with Wormhole Act

Funny story: Theoretical Physicist Fails to Impress America's Got Talent Judges with Wormhole Act

Things got a little strange Wednesday night in Chicago when a one-man act by the name of Arcus Temporis came on stage armed only with a chalkboard and a piece of chalk and an eraser. "What is your name?" asked Piers Morgan of this wild-eyed man. In a Swedish accent, the man gave his name, "I am Arcus Temporis and I am 87 years olt," he said as he took in the huge crowd he stood before. "And...

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Israeli Physicists Denied Place in Book of World Records

Funny story: Israeli Physicists Denied Place in Book of World Records

Book of World Records adjudicator, Martin Cransky, was sent to Israel to certify that two Israeli physicists have achieved a world record of entangling or inextricably linking five light particles that possess what they call a "weird feature of super...

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Justin Bieber vs Stephen Hawking

Funny story: Justin Bieber vs Stephen Hawking

A cataclysmic feud has begun this week between the biggest force in hip hop and the immovable object of physics. Justin Bieber vs Steven Hawking is a true example of an unstoppable force, meeting an immovable object. It started early this week whe...

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Headlights slow cars down

Funny story: Headlights slow cars down

Most drivers will agree, getting home from work when it's raining takes longer. They will also admit that the same is true when it is dark, foggy or snowing. The Highways Agency got a team of scientists from the University of Bristol to find out w...

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United States Stupidity Quotient

The S. Q. increased 16% in the first year of Trump's term of office. It now stands at 69%.
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