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Funny satire stories about Murder

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Death by Lambrini

Funny story: Death by Lambrini

A mother and daughter from London have been accused of 'a Christmas day plot to murder London bus driver with poisoned Lambrini'. Jacqueline Patrick, 54, has been charged with attempting to murder her husband Doug, now 72. Allegedly she slipped an...

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Brave Holiday Makers Defy Terrorists by Continuing to Sip Cocktails by the Pool.

Funny story: Brave Holiday Makers Defy Terrorists by Continuing to Sip Cocktails by the Pool.

In the global War Against Terrorism, there are one group of combatants that refuse to give in to the Islamic Extremists who threaten to destroy their way of life: The British Holiday Maker. With the latest tragedy in Tunisia, where 18 British sun...

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Man Walking Dog In Woods Doesn't Find Murder Victim

Funny story: Man Walking Dog In Woods Doesn't Find Murder Victim

A man walking his dog in a wooded area near Evesham has told friends how, despite expecting to any minute, he didn't find a mutilated corpse, the victim of some gruesome revenge killing or spontaneous, frenzied 'rape-gone-wrong'. The man, Ernest N...

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Deep Blue doo-doo

The most powerful computer in the world has been indicted in the US for murder. It is alleged that the machine killed a janitor who worked at IBM. Jilberto Einstein took the job at IBM last Christmas. The pumped-up calculator, known as Deep Blue-i...

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Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Funny story: Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Paddy O'Flynn had had enough it seems. He had decided to apply to his local housing authority for help with his rent having vacated his old house and moved into a rented apartment in Clapham Common, South London. That is where his troubles began. His wife Caitlin takes up the story. "They sent him a form to fill in. It was thick as the London Times. For three months he tried to figure it o...

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Rifle Club to send Members to Kill in Pakistan

Funny story: Rifle Club to send Members to Kill in Pakistan

WASHINGTON - appalled by the death of a women after a beating by her family in Pakistan, Wayne La P'nis, Head Phallus of the Rifle Club of America (RCA) offered to send assault weapons to that country. "There are many honor killings of women in...

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NY man wrongfully acquitted sues state for $25M

Funny story: NY man wrongfully acquitted sues state for $25M

A Brooklyn man wants a million dollars for every year the state did not lock him up in prison. Dean Dork, who spent almost a quarter-century at liberty and free after being found not guilty for a crime he committed, has hit the state with a $25 m...

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Men Walking Dogs In Woods Know Its Only A Matter Of Time Before They Discover Murder Victims

Funny story: Men Walking Dogs In Woods Know Its Only A Matter Of Time Before They Discover Murder Victims

Describing it as 'bound to happen sooner or later' male dog walkers acknowledged Saturday that they shall all, at some point or another, discover a murder victim buried deep in the woods where they walk their dogs. Dog owners of all ages across th...

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Fowl pay suspected in bizarre murder case

Police have rounded up several angry chickens, following the discovery of the badly-tattered body of an elderly woman last week. After forensic investigations, Detective Inspector Ivor Nyedeer reckoned that 81-year-old Gladys Sawloaver had been th...

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Mistrial Declared on Murder Charge in Loud-Music Trial

Funny story: Mistrial Declared on Murder Charge in Loud-Music Trial

TAMPA BAY, FL. - A Caucasian man was found guilty of three counts of attempted murder for the fatal shooting of an African-American teenager over loud music, but a mistrial was declared after the all-black jury broke out their boom-boxes and started...

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Zoo kills baby giraffe, feeds it to homeless people

Funny story: Zoo kills baby giraffe, feeds it to homeless people

There has been an outcry tonight after an 18 month old giraffe, the product of incest behind zoo bars, was put down with a bolt gun before being chopped up and sent to charity kitchens feeding vagrants and other homeless people. Young Marius had b...

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Is Kim Jong un having a cull of relatives?

Funny story: Is Kim Jong un having a cull of relatives?

Already demonstrating his ruthlessness by executing both his uncle and his one-time mistress, not to mention numerous other North Koreans who have incurred his displeasure but could Kim Jong Un, the country's new dictator, have purged even his own wi...

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Cannibal Cop From Germany Blames Horse Meat Lasagna

Funny story: Cannibal Cop From Germany Blames Horse Meat Lasagna

DRESDEN, Germany - A cannibal cop arrested for the killing of a man he met online is blaming his crime on the fact that he ate horse meat lasagna purchased and eaten last year and claims it gave him mad cow disease. A representative from Findus,...

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FCC Announces Phone Service Subsidy for Murderers

Funny story: FCC Announces Phone Service Subsidy for Murderers

The Federal Communications Commission today took long-overdue steps to ensure that long-distance rates made by convicted felons are just, reasonable and fair. Studies have determined that law-abiding taxpayers will pick up the cost. The Commis...

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Celebrity misquotes

Most celebrities, most of the time, have nothing important or interesting to say, but, because they are famous (and rich), their every word is reported to the world. Unfortunately, they are usually misquoted, because their words are taken out of context, or so they say, and, when they are not being misquoted, they are misspeaking. No matter what they do or say, they claim that they are seldom, if...

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Dr David Kelly: It's come to this - 'Death Squads' in Great Britain!

Funny story: Dr David Kelly: It's come to this - 'Death Squads' in Great Britain!

Harrowdown Hill, The Valley of Death Police Area: Nothing to hide? Nothing to fear? Why seventy years secrecy? No fingerprints on the knife, blister packs of tablets, opened water bottle, specs, watch and mobile phone found with the body of Dr K...

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Amanda Bynes Vagina Murdered, She Employs The Cloak of Invisability in Time Square

Funny story: Amanda Bynes Vagina Murdered, She Employs The Cloak of Invisability in Time Square

Apparently Drake took Amanda Byne up on her offer to murder her vagina. People have come to this conclusion because Amanda was spotted in Times Square and it looks like Drake must have really worked her over because she covered her head up with a...

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Britain's Oldest Woman in fear of her life

Funny story: Britain's Oldest Woman in fear of her life

Emily Harrison, Britain's oldest woman has contacted police, afraid for her life. "She believes that Maggie Davies of Kings Close in Dorking is gunning for her, in order to take the title of oldest woman in Britain for herself," said Detective Ins...

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Breaking news…

National Park Service Rewrites Statue of Liberty Plaque

"Give me your strong, your rich, your workers yearning to breathe capitalism. Send no homeless, impoverished, or those seeking refuge from MS-13 to me. I want no trash to tarnish our golden door."
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