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Discarded flea-ridden mattress trend sweeps through Dalston, East London

Demand for old mattresses "full of fleas" has soared in recent months in the infamously hipster Dalston district in northeast London. Imported from north Manchester, the increasingly expensive showpiece is now regularly seen on balconies throughout t...

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Matthew's Suicide Note

Funny story: Matthew's Suicide Note

Scotland Yard Police are trying to trace the origins of a suicide note. Police were summoned to Blackfriars Bridge last night when a man out walking his dog spotted a pair of boots mid-way across the bridge on the pavement beside a briefcase full of...

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Riderless Bicycles in London by 2020

Boris Johnson as vowed that riderless bicycles will be common on UK streets by 2020, and has printed 50 million pounds of public funds toward the project. The bicycles, the result of a government think tank on new pedastrain propulsion systems, wi...

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London's Lonely Hearts

Funny story: London's Lonely Hearts

Grace Power - Tattoo Artist (35) Short haired lady with muscular build whose interests include pumping iron, spitting and football. Is looking for a professional and handsome business-like man. Murray Miller - Retired Factory Assistant (104) 4 ft 4 in height, decrepit, wrinkly and covered in moles and liver spots who enjoys waking up in the morning. Is seeking a woman who can take him to...

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You Now Have Nowhere to Hide... "For your Own Good".

Funny story: You Now Have Nowhere to Hide... "For your Own Good".

The man from Home Security, Klaus Offenbach, told us that "it is all for your own good". What was he referring to? And did any of us ask him or the totalitarian government masquerading as a multi-party 'democracy' that he serves for any help? He is r...

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Damien Hirst's "Ephemeral Sculpture Store" Opens in London

Funny story: Damien Hirst's "Ephemeral Sculpture Store" Opens in London

Famous British artist Damien Hirst, said to be the world's wealthiest artist, has opened a small store in Soho London that was once a Chinese restaurant. He calls it his "Ephemeral Sculpture Store". It is the size of a small supermarket with all y...

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Bookies Celebrate 2015 with London Bash

Funny story: Bookies Celebrate 2015 with London Bash

Sir Philip Mebag, chairman of the United Federation of UK Bookmakers, compered an end-of-year mammoth banquet last week at Coventry's Masonic Hall, London. 2014 had been a great year he reminded over four hundred guests from the worlds of enterta...

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Worst Ever Tsunami

Funny story: Worst Ever Tsunami

This time of year is always high on calamities; but nobody on earth was prepared for this one. A mighty tsunami of human excrement that had accumulated in the North Atlantic over many years has been unleashed. Myriad towns and villages in North A...

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Ex-Beauty Queen to be New James Bond

Funny story: Ex-Beauty Queen to be New James Bond

Idris Elba has declined the role of a black James Bond as he considered it condescending to fellow blacks as well as the total misportrayal of the original character. Fleming's 007 was a MI6 spy proficient in languages and the martial arts; and a...

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"Offended" Woman to Sue

Funny story: "Offended" Woman to Sue

A 23 year old London woman is to sue British Rail for what she claims is "personal trauma". It seems the woman boarded a subway train on the Bakerloo line on her way home from work. Then a couple of young men seated opposite her made what she cal...

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Sweden sends female prosecutor to question Assange she disappears into his room for two hours

Funny story: Sweden sends female prosecutor to question Assange she disappears into his room for two hours

The prosecutor's office in Sweden has finally sent a representative to question Julian Assange in Ecuador's London embassy. This assistant prosecutor is Ms. Valerie Thighborg, 29, brunette, slender, wearing Madame Orientale rouge lipstick, and att...

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Terror at Heathrow Airport

Funny story: Terror at Heathrow Airport

American insurance salesman James Henry Galbraith thought it was just another tedious return home from the three-week business conference he had attended in London. It wasn't. A Heathrow customs official found a bottle of whiskey in his holdall. "I'm sorry Sir but I have to confiscate this." "Aw... come on buddy. Gimme a break! I always take a bottle home to the wife." "Excuse me." The officia...

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Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Funny story: Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Paddy O'Flynn had had enough it seems. He had decided to apply to his local housing authority for help with his rent having vacated his old house and moved into a rented apartment in Clapham Common, South London. That is where his troubles began. His wife Caitlin takes up the story. "They sent him a form to fill in. It was thick as the London Times. For three months he tried to figure it o...

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Arsene Wenger rings credit card fraud team after seeing Sanchez purchase on monthly bill

Funny story: Arsene Wenger rings credit card fraud team after seeing Sanchez purchase on monthly bill

Arsenal FC manager Arsene Wenger reported the theft of his credit card to his banks fraud team today. The football coach became suspicious that someone was using his card when coming across the £30 million purchase of Chilean striker Alexis Sanchez i...

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Johnson Away: Boris Caught On Tinder

Funny story: Johnson Away: Boris Caught On Tinder

London's worst kept secret is out as the world now knows that Boris Johnson is a regular user of fuck free-for-all application Tinder. The news ironically broke to groans across the country, with Boris's scheduled appearances being cancelled, as w...

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Waitress Laughs At Customer's Awful Jokes. Receives 50% Tip.

Funny story: Waitress Laughs At Customer's Awful Jokes. Receives 50% Tip.

A waitress in a London restaurant has recently broken records for the amount of tips received by a single employee. Rebecca Taylor put her recent success down to the fact she now laughs at all of her customer's awful jokes. "When I first star...

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Hipster in London Attempts To Start New Trend By Throwing Away Oranges, And Eating The Peel.

Mark Anderson isn't your typical hipster. He doesn't drink flat whites, because that's what all the other hipsters drink and he's a lot more alternative then that, admits Anderson. The first rule of being a hipster, is to not admit that you're a...

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Blindness Could Lead To Not Being Able To See Things

Funny story: Blindness Could Lead To Not Being Able To See Things

Although yet to be confirmed by independent scientific corroboration, a research group from Chadswhipple Crosshire Down By The Lake Rockshire University, outside London, has asserted that blindness could have a definite connection to someone not bein...

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Breaking news…

Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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