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Economy in Colorado Higher Than The Rockies

Funny story: Economy in Colorado Higher Than The Rockies

Denver Mayor Hancock says that, although he was against legalizing recreational marijuana at first, he says it is making his city and the whole state wealthy. "I had previously thought about all the problems but they don't seem to be any worse tha...

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U.S. Running Out of Ph.D. Positions

Funny story: U.S. Running Out of Ph.D. Positions

BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS - The Boston Consortium announced today that the U.S. is running out of Ph.D. positions. With a student count of 122,000, the Boston Consortium Schools report they cannot possibly guarantee their Ph.D. candidates jobs when they...

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Ted Cruz, Wealthy Oppose Min. Wage Hike

Funny story: Ted Cruz, Wealthy Oppose Min. Wage Hike

The current federal minimum wage in the U.S. is $7.25 an hour, full time pay less than $15,000 a year, way below the poverty level. Current proposals before congress would raise the floor to $10.10 an hour. This would leave a full-time employee still far below the poverty line but would be helpful. There is now widespread public support to raise the minimum wage. That is largely attribute...

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Unusual Competent Thyroid Nodule Sets Workplace Efficiency Record

An unusual thyroid nodule set a record in Louisville for the most hormone produced for its relative size. In fact, it was so efficient, it was doing ALL of the jobs assigned its entire section, aptly named "the thyroid". Sadly, it was given its walki...

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If you're in the box, stop thinking outside it--interviewing tips for job seekers

Funny story: If you're in the box, stop thinking outside it--interviewing tips for job seekers

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study this week which suggests that beliefs about interview etiquette may amount to nothing more than wives' tales. How long has it been cool to say, "I think outside the box"? Well, according to Dwi...

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Top Twelve Worst Jobs

Funny story: Top Twelve Worst Jobs

All the following jobs are available and some pay well, if you are really desperate for work: 1. Stool Examiner for Pin Worms 2. Towel Distributor at Geriatric Sauna. 3. Referees needed for wild boar fights 4. Ear wax collector for the Rich and Nutty 5. Gas Station bathroom cleaner at a chain of Stop & Plops. (Mask furnished) 6. Traveling Foot Stool for Michael Moore.

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Salesmen Find Value in 'Good Cop, Bad Cop'

Coco Deet, 26, a salesman at the new clothing store, Shoppers Unite, recently discovered how effective the technique, "Good Cop, Bad Cop," can be when applied to potential shoppers. "Since the economy has been so bad, our store has really suffered...

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Laxative Testers: The Last of A Once Proud Profession

Funny story: Laxative Testers: The Last of A Once Proud Profession

FLAGSTAFF, Arizona - According to recent research studies it appears that the once proud profession of laxative testers has gone the way of stagecoach drivers. The Amalgamated Data Gathering Agency has just released a year-long study which shows t...

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Super Pacs Adapt Campaign Tactics for the Common Folk

Funny story: Super Pacs Adapt Campaign Tactics for the Common Folk

Washington, DC - Now that the 2012 Presidential campaign is finally over, Super Pacs, those zany organizations that played a major role in funding the candidates, are left wondering what to do. Then there is Super Fund manager, Carter Deustch of t...

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New York Woman's Examined Life Not Worth Living

Funny story: New York Woman's Examined Life Not Worth Living

New York attorney Diana Campbell was proud of having earned her law degree at the age of 54. She had steady work that wasn't too mentally demanding and which served to pay the bills. And, after nearly three decades of therapy and twelve-step work, sh...

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Over 12 Million New Jobs Found Locked in an Omaha Warehouse

Funny story: Over 12 Million New Jobs Found Locked in an Omaha Warehouse

Omaha, Nebraska - America's frantic search for new jobs has hit the mother load. A team of Navy SEALs has uncovered and seized a long-forgotten human resource center, containing over 12.4 million private sector jobs. "At 1:09 AM, Greenwich Mean Ti...

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Vast majority doesn't believe you can do anything you put your mind to: study

Funny story: Vast majority doesn't believe you can do anything you put your mind to: study

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released a study this week, the results of which may have a profound effect on the way Americans view life. The vast majority or 90.9% of people surveyed, or 10 of 11 kids at Harfold Fish & Chips, reveal a...

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Jobseeker's Allowance Now Paid in Biscuits

Funny story: Jobseeker's Allowance Now Paid in Biscuits

David Cameron announced to the House of Commons yesterday the Tories latest plan to ensure that it always pays to work. 'Too many people on benefits see it as a free lunch,' said the Prime Minister. As of Friday, Jobseeker's Allowance will be paid in...

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Tsunami-Driven Toyota Dealership Washes Up In California

Funny story: Tsunami-Driven Toyota Dealership Washes Up In California

Venice, California - Japan's 2011 tsunami has brought yet another surprise to American shores. A Toyota dealership, complete with a sales staff and a service dapartment, has landed on the beach here, less than a week after a Japanese fishing doc...

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Ron Paul Solves Jobs Crisis: 4-Day Work-Week!

Funny story: Ron Paul Solves Jobs Crisis: 4-Day Work-Week!

In a flash of insight he calls divine inspiration, presidential hopeful Ron Paul singlehandedly discovered the solution to the nation's current job crisis: scaling down the work-week from five days to four. "It's so obvious!" exclaimed Paul to joy...

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Jobs Crisis OVER: Wage Slavery Up 3%!

Funny story: Jobs Crisis OVER: Wage Slavery Up 3%!

The United States Bureau of Labor has reported that for the first time in the past 6 years, unemployment rates have dropped a statistically remarkable 3%, with a corresponding 3% increase in levels of wage slavery. According to President Obama, th...

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Jobs are 'boring', says everyone

Funny story: Jobs are 'boring', says everyone

Employment has been found to be buttock-clenchingly monotonous, a new study suggests. Last week many in employment noted that work is as dull as reading a Brontë book; this is in fact one definition of the term. Now a new study has been published showing that the things we do to earn money, is never the thing we want to do. What is surprising is that while work has been piling up and gett...

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United States to be Homogeneous by 2020

Funny story: United States to be Homogeneous by 2020

Washington DC: President Obama has issued an Executive Order that the USA will become homogeneous by 2020 (next census). This new order does not exclude homosexuals (Gays and Lesbians) or transgender persons. President Obama was reading the 2010 C...

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Breaking news…

Ex-CIA John Brennan Heads Up New Militant Group

Emulating his hero Robespierre, a pissed-off Brennan leads a new faction of Contra-Deplorables. The goal is to execute via guillotine at CIA HQ all those who disagree with him.
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