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Isle of Wight News - Dog Walkers strike

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Dog Walkers strike

Residents of Newport are facing a bleak few days as the Newport Union of Dog Exercisers have unanimously agreed to go strike. "Industrial action is the only recourse for our members," said Jack Russell, head of NUDE. "In real terms, the amount we...

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Isle of Wight News - Park and Ryde Program Cancelled

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Park and Ryde Program Cancelled

The innovative Park and Ryde Program has been cancelled. While introduced to great fanfare as a sustainable initiative to reduce traffic, the program has been plagued with confusion and inefficiencies from the start. Residents seemed more than wil...

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Isle of Wight News - DNA: Dogs Not Allowed

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - DNA: Dogs Not Allowed

In a bold move, the Isle of Wight councillor, David Pugh, has elected to spend his twenty-million pound lottery win on putting every dog on the island onto a doggy DNA database. "I was going to buy a bigger house," he said. "However, I already hav...

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Isle of Wight News - Hostage situation in Newport

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Hostage situation in Newport

There was high drama in the Island's largest city today as seven armed hostages took over Newport's tallest building, the five story Debenhams Department Store. They stormed the building just before opening time and herded the thirty staff up to t...

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Isle of Wight News - Ryde Pier is still green after St Patrick's Day

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Ryde Pier is still green after St Patrick's Day

On March 17th, Ryde Council painted Ryde pier bright green to celebrate St Patrick's day. "Sadly," said Pat Saint, councillor for Ryde and District, "Patrick's day fell on a Sunday this year, and the council painters refused to work on a Sunday. W...

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Isle of Wight News - Flowerpot statue comes under fire

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Flowerpot statue comes under fire

The controversial new sculpture erected at the end of Ryde pier has come under even more fire from an unexpected source, the children's television programme Bill and Ben. "When we had that charity appeal in 1986 for people to send in spare flower...

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Isle of Wight News - I'm a Celebrity get me out of Ventnor

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - I'm a Celebrity get me out of Ventnor

Ventnor Zoo my be home to the ferocious fennec fox and the terrifying terrapin twins, but the Australian jungle it is not. Not yet anyway. Producers of the surprisingly popular televisual reality show I'm a Celebrity Get Me Out of Here are facing bud...

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Isle of Wight News - Argentinian Pope gives the island to the Argentines

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Argentinian Pope gives the island to the Argentines

In a move that is is sure to anger somebody, the new Pope, Pope Francis the something or other, has been approached by the Argentinian government who have requested that the Falkland islands are given to Argentina. Sadly, Frank's knowledge of geog...

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Isle of Wight News - Cloud startles Ventnor Residents

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Cloud startles Ventnor Residents

Residents of Ventnor were alarmed this week as a cloud approached the island from the English channel. "Normally," said Tom O'Row, a teenager who has lived in Ventnor all of his eleven years of life, "we either have wall to wall blue sky, or floor...

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Isle of Wight News - Mayor Baffled by Decision

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Mayor Baffled by Decision

A TOWN mayor has said he is baffled by an Isle of Wight Council decision. The Isle of Wight Council, which made the decision is sticking by the decision despite opposition from the Mayor. Council spokeman Gordon Gillies says "It is the right of...

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Isle of Wight News - A3054 to have the potholes filled

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - A3054 to have the potholes filled

The Isle of Wight Council have announced plans to finally solve the problems with the A3054 Queens Road between Ryde and Newport. "Since the bad winter of 1963," said Councillor David Pugh, "we've suffered with pot holes on this busy main road. We...

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Isle of Wight News - The island voted Top TV Destination

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - The island voted Top TV Destination

The Isle of Wight has been identified as the place in the UK with more transvestites than any other, with Ryde being the town with more cross dressers than any other town in the UK. "It's been estimated," said councillor, David Pugh, in a lovely p...

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Isle of Wight News - Scab collection stolen

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Scab collection stolen

Kenneth Dunston has been left distraught following the theft of his scab collection. Dunstan, 52 from Ryde on the Isle of Wight, discovered the theft on Sunday morning when he returned from the Ryde twenty-four hour bowls marathon. "It's terri...

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Isle of Wight News - Garlic Festival's latest event

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Garlic Festival's latest event

The world famous Isle of Wight Garlic Festival is looking for the country's Garlicks to come forward and be recognised. "We've been running the Garlic Festival for something like fifteen hundred years," said event organiser, Carl Garlick. "We felt...

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Isle of Wight News - Ring of Fire scares off terns

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Ring of Fire scares off terns

Environmentalists have slammed the Island's decision to have a ring of fire around the island to celebrate the Queen's Jubilee. Fifteen hundred beacons were set up at quarter mile intervals around the island, and were all lit on Bank Holiday Mond...

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Isle of Wight News - Tsunami threatens island

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Tsunami threatens island

A tsunami alert for the Isle of Wight has been issued by the UK Met Office after a landslip in Cuba has sent a wave travelling in our direction. "The tsunami is currently three centimetres high," said Met Office spokesman, Matt Welcomme. "It was c...

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Isle of Wight News - Librarian fined over overdue books

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Librarian fined over overdue books

Librarian, Gemma Paddlworth, of Ryde has been fined nearly three thousand pounds in late fees for overdue library books. "It's quite embarrassing," said Gemma, 34 a single mother. "I'm the only librarian at Ryde Library, so when I discovered that...

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Isle of Wight News - Heather's Nails are Simply Stunning

Funny story: Isle of Wight News - Heather's Nails are Simply Stunning

Heather Fields, 24, of Shanklin has put the Isle of Wight on the map thanks to her nails! In the National Nail Championships held at Birmingham's NEC Arena, Heather competed among the country's finest nail growers. "It's such an honour," said H...

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Breaking news…

Ex-CIA John Brennan Heads Up New Militant Group

Emulating his hero Robespierre, a pissed-off Brennan leads a new faction of Contra-Deplorables. The goal is to execute via guillotine at CIA HQ all those who disagree with him.
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