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India Inhaling Death

Funny story: India Inhaling Death

INDIA - In the wake of many deaths by methanol in India, the resurgence of aspartame inhalation is rampant. According to our source, staff doctor, Dr. Whine Galena, when inhaled, pure aspartame releases enough methanol to produce a narcotic 'high'...

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FDA bans restrictive diets devoid of aspartame

Funny story: FDA bans restrictive diets devoid of aspartame

WASHINGTON DC - It soon may be a crime to go on a diet of 500 calories, unless you consume at least 6 aspartame flavored beverages - per day. FDA spokesman, Dr. Strangedeath, indicated that too many cases of people losing weight by using the HCG hor...

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Sawdust Approved as Food Supplement

Funny story: Sawdust Approved as Food Supplement

Special to INS - The Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has approved sawdust as a food supplement. FDA administrator Constance Twiddle announced that the following varieties are suitable for human consumption: white pine, white birch, and white ash.

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FDA admits to switching 'Morning-after' pill to fertility drug

Funny story: FDA admits to switching 'Morning-after' pill to fertility drug

The FDA has issued a warning on the box of the Evital, otherwise known as the 'Morning after Pill' as counterfeit and is actually Clomiphene, a pill that can release multiple eggs and result in a pregnancy of two or more infants during unprotected se...

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F.D.A. Declares Kool-Aid A Fruit In School Lunch Program

Funny story: F.D.A. Declares Kool-Aid A Fruit In School Lunch Program

Parents who look to their children's school lunches as a source of nutrition can now rest easy, knowing that their Federal Government (through the Food and Drug Administration) has declared Kool-Aid to be a fruit. The beverage will count as a full se...

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R&B Heart-Throb Darvon asked by FDA to Stop Performing

Funny story: R&B Heart-Throb Darvon asked by FDA to Stop Performing

LAS VEGAS - Romantic soul singer Darvon has announced he will voluntarily comply with an FDA request to stop performing due to serious and sometimes fatal heart rhythm abnormalities in older female members of his audiences. Darvon and the Darvocet...

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FDA: Our New Warning Stickers On Cigarettes Will Make You Quit. Wait, We Meant 'Vomit'.

Funny story: FDA: Our New Warning Stickers On Cigarettes Will Make You Quit. Wait, We Meant 'Vomit'.

Since the Food and Drug Administration can't actually force you to stop sticking lit cigarettes in your mouth --'cause Prohibition against alcohol worked really well--, the FDA has announced that they will stick really f--ked up imagery on packs of s...

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FDA Claims that Isolation of T-lymphotropic Retrovirus from Cercocebus atys Reacts to Proteolytic Processing of the Pre-Core, Pre-S1 Polypeptides!

Funny story: FDA Claims that Isolation of T-lymphotropic Retrovirus from Cercocebus atys Reacts to Proteolytic Processing of the Pre-Core, Pre-S1 Polypeptides!

Contrasupporters of the US Food and Drug Administration have come out swinging, criticizing the organization for allegedly curbing research into an effective vaccine against lentivirus protagonists and opportunistic 6T and 6T(S) infections. Infec...

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FDA to investigate explosion, fire in San Bruno, California

Funny story: FDA to investigate explosion, fire in San Bruno, California

WASHINGTON, DC - FDA Secretary Thomas J. Vilsack has assigned a task-force to investigate the recent natural-gas explosion and fire that killed four and injured scores in San Bruno, California. When asked why the FDA was investigating, Vilsack res...

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FDA Finds E. Coli in EPA

Funny story: FDA Finds E. Coli in EPA

WASHINGTON DC - After the EPA agreed to consider banning lead bullets, the FDA completed their investigation of EPA. The findings of the FDA investigation cited evidence of E. coli present in the mountain of SH*T that the EPA considers to be in th...

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FDA to Ban Fresh Broccoli

Funny story: FDA to Ban Fresh Broccoli

In an effort to protect the U.S. public from low cost, healthy foods, the US Food and Drug Administration will now ban fresh broccoli from human consumption. "This ban is being implemented after multiple reports of the benefits of fresh broccoli a...

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FDA Bans Sale Of Cereal Variety Packs

Funny story: FDA Bans Sale Of Cereal Variety Packs

The US Food and Drug Administration, taking the unprecedented step of barring the manufacture and sale of a perfectly legal product, has banned the manufacture, sale or use of cereal variety packs. " 'Big Cereal' has taken advantage of moms, value...

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Company Cited Over Doctored Mushroom Soup

Funny story: Company Cited Over Doctored Mushroom Soup

SACRAMENTO, CA - A new strain of hyper virulent, deadly Cryptococcus gattii fungus has been discovered in the United States a new study says. The outbreak has already killed six people in Oregon and it will likely creep into northern California a...

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Children-allergy medicines recalled; panicked adults allergic to children visit ERs & immunization centers in record numbers

Funny story: Children-allergy medicines recalled; panicked adults allergic to children visit ERs & immunization centers in record numbers

A voluntary recall has been issued for more than 40 over-the-counter drugs intended for protection against the toxic byproducts of children, including Tylenol and Motrin, because they don't meet quality standards. "This recall is not being underta...

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FDA Bans Chip Dip for Remainder of NFL Playoffs

Funny story: FDA Bans Chip Dip for Remainder of NFL Playoffs

Following numerous news reports of fighting during National Football League playoff parties, the Food and Drug Association has determined that the source of most man-on-man violence originated over individual hoarding of potato chip dip. Not yet r...

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As old as time? Aspartame disease plagued Pharaoh's court

Funny story: As old as time? Aspartame disease plagued Pharaoh's court

WASHINGTON DC - According to sources at FDA, you can't blame this one on the FDA: Researchers have found signs of aspartame disease -- normally thought of as a modern disease caused by toxic artificial sweeteners protected by the FDA-- in 3,700-year-...

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Give children 'a Holloweeny' stuffed with pure aspartame

Funny story: Give children 'a Holloweeny' stuffed with pure aspartame

WASHINGTON DC - Spokesman Dr. Strangedeath for the FDA held a short news conference today wherein he encouraged parents to give children 'Holloweenies' such as eyeball eggs stuffed with aspartame. Holloweeny could be used to rid the Earth of exces...

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Spate of deaths following vaccinations unrelated, FDA says

Funny story: Spate of deaths following vaccinations unrelated, FDA says

FORT DETRICK, MD - FDA officials assured surviving citizens in the US that the spate of deaths following vaccinations were unrelated to the vaccinations. "Just because someone dies after being vaccinated, for all we know they would have lived a s...

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The Queen Takes A Knee

The Queen of England takes a knee in front of Trump during the playing of the Stars Spangle Banner, joining the protest.
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