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Boris: "Brexit will be a success if only everyone who opposes it would shut up"

Funny story: Boris: "Brexit will be a success if only everyone who opposes it would shut up"

Minister for Malapropism and head clown Boris Johnson made a controversial speech today, in which he claimed that the success or failure of Brexit had nothing to do with his government's negotiations with the EU. Instead, he said, it rested entirely...

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Man who voted Brexit still disappointed

Funny story: Man who voted Brexit still disappointed

Nathan Whotsit, from Chutney on the Fritz has said that he only voted for Brexit, so it would mean that his wife of 15 years could not put them through the horror of Eurovision, ever again. 'Imagine my surprise' said the incredulous man 'when I re...

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The UK in 2050, post-Brexit

Funny story: The UK in 2050, post-Brexit

Berlin, 2050. My name is Herman Boring, German ambassador to the Britons. I recently returned from a mission to that remote island, and I was shocked at what I found. It was my task to try to re-establish contact with the people there after many years of self-imposed isolation. I had expected to see six-toed mutants and incestuous half-breeds living in a backward post-apocalyptic civilization,...

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UK minister says the hardest part of Brexit negotiations is "not mentioning the war"

Funny story: UK minister says the hardest part of Brexit negotiations is "not mentioning the war"

David Davis, the Brexit minister, has given a frank and open interview to journalist Frank Open, and revealed some details about the process of extricating the UK from the EU. "It's very difficult," said Davis. "Barnier [chief negotiator for the E...

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Boris Johnson's speech to the EU in full

Funny story: Boris Johnson's speech to the EU in full

Today in Brussels, Boris Johnson made a long-awaited speech to the EU, setting out the terms of Brexit as he sees them. Here is the full unabridged text of his speech. "Good afterlunch, my fellow Euro-chumps and bureaucratinators. It has been eigh...

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2017 - With thanks to Billy Joel

Funny story: 2017 - With thanks to Billy Joel

Snap election, Britain votes New £1 coins, new £10 notes Robert Mugabe finally goes Mount Agung in Bali blows RyanAir, staff trouble Syria reduced to rubble Fats Domino, Chuck Berry Jeremy Corbyn, Glastonbury Fake news, tweets, sacking Torie...

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Britain's post-Brexit EU role confirmed to be that of "annoying friend"

Funny story: Britain's post-Brexit EU role confirmed to be that of "annoying friend"

Britain is leaving the EU, but that doesn't mean for a minute that it is going to disappear. It is going to hang around the EU and hover over their conversations like a ghost. Prime Minister Theresa May has admitted as much when she said that she wou...

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Brexit is a "biscuit game" to the Tories

Funny story: Brexit is a "biscuit game" to the Tories

The UK government consists of many ex-public school toffs, so it comes as little surprise to learn that foreign secretary Boris Johnson believes that the Brexit negotiations are like "a game of soggy biscuit". He explained further, "the people ba...

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World warned not to download software from Russia, Iran or North Korea

Funny story: World warned not to download software from Russia, Iran or North Korea

Britain's cyber chief has warned governments across the globe to beware of Russia computer programs that may damage their operating system. The head of the National Cyber Security Centre revealed that the Polonium Utility, marketed by Spetsnaz Sof...

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Brexit Love Crimes

Statistics have shown that "hate attacks" have gone up since Brexit began (sometime in the 1900s we think, not sure it's been going on forever). We have to admit we have taken part in them as well. We shouted "your full of shit you hate filled bitch!...

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Cooking For A Queen

Always at the forefront of breaking news (or at the very least listening in on other peoples conversations) we spoke to the Queens ex chef to find out what grub she loved! An exquisitely tall gentlemen, easily approaching 9ft 5, his arms the lengt...

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Laundrette Islamification

In a massive middle finger to this great nations historic culture and values a laundrette has opened in Malaysia that is "Muslim friendly". Immediately social media went into meltdown as supporters of Britain First, EDL, BNP and BHS all vented their...

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Fake News

Having received dozens of emails over the last few weeks (most asking us if we have any intention of paying the legal costs to a law suit) asking if we understand this whole "fake news" thing. Don't worry fair readers we do. So here is a quick li...

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EU is "what Hitler would have wanted"

Funny story: EU is "what Hitler would have wanted"

A group of EU leaders - the President of the European Commission, the Head of the European Council, and the Grand Poo-bah of Brussels - have released a statement in which they admit that Brexiters have been right all along and that the EU is just a p...

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Survey reveals Brexiters wishes

Funny story: Survey reveals Brexiters wishes

It is now over a year since Britain voted to leave the EU, and as expected the government is making a complete pig's arse of the situation. Then again, one of Britain's biggest export industries (which is expected to do well after Brexit) is making e...

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May invokes Dunkirk as UK leaves Europe once again

Funny story: May invokes Dunkirk as UK leaves Europe once again

In 1940, thousands of soldiers were evacuated from war-torn France in what has now become known simply as "Dunkirk". Brits recognise the town more for its famous exodus than for anything else. With the recent release of a film on the subject, it is a...

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Posthoorn Interview no. 9: Tom Brexit prepper - settlement status

Tom, from Scotland, has lived in The Netherlands since 1972 and has a Dutch wife. With Brexit looming, and maybe having to leave the Netherlands, Tom is prepping himself to live back in Scotland. This time the reporter feels a bit embarassed as he ha...

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Conservative Party pledge to make Brexit 'all the colours of the rainbow'

The Conservative Party have today pledged that before negotiations are over, and the rules for the shape of bananas are finally handed back to our sovereign Parliament, they will ensure 'every colour of the rainbow' has the chance of 'owning' Brexit...

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Trump to Continue Dictator Tour

There are still a few dictators in the world that Trump hasn't groveled to.
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