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The Pre-Season Games

Professional “bitcher” and part time Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has claimed unless he’s allowed to sign all the players he wants, United could have a “very difficult season”. He is quoted as saying: "My CEO knows what I want. I k...

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Froomes Zoom Juice

Funny story: Froomes Zoom Juice

Chris Froome will be allowed to race in the Tour De France after all doping charges against him were dropped. Prosecutors said: "No one fucking watches cycling anyway so who cares?" The four time Tour winner has been under investigation for 7 m...

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Sold Out Gig

Religious fans all over the world will be disappointed to hear that tickets for the Popes visit to Knock Shrine in Country Mayo have sold out! The Pope, who is on a greatest hits tour, will play the Shrine for two dates from the 25th of August this y...

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England V Panama

A dominant display from England saw them trounce a hapless Panamanian side 6-1. Goals from Stones (2) Kane (3) and Lingard ensured England wrapped up their biggest win at a World Cup without breaking a sweat. Of course after this superb England...

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Detention Center Horror

Funny story: Detention Center Horror

Pictures have emerged from the USA of detention centers where people desperately seeking a better life have their children torn from them and thrown into cages. Land of the Free indeed. Obviously the US President, Mr Trump, couldn’t give a flying...

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Tracing the source of an unwanted bank deposit

Funny story: Tracing the source of an unwanted bank deposit

A repeated anonymous donor from Stoke has been thrown out of his home by his wife. John Ewes, 42, occasional smoker, had been donating to local sperm banks for 22 years and had never once informed his wife. Mary Ewes, 42, smoker (we think she was...

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Police force report shows "significant improvement"

The police watchdog announced on Tuesday “Woof, woof, woof.” No, not really, we just thought we’d open with a joke because the world is such a terrible place full of shit and hate right now. Stark, but true. A police watchdog has actually said: "H...

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End Of Season Review

After a weekend of sporting drama both at home and on the continent, it is with great pleasure that Back and to the Left news can announce that Doncaster Captain, James Coppinger, has signed a new one year deal with the club. The new contract, wi...

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Space Threats Rain Down on Post-Brexit UK

The UK’s defence secretary has declared that we must be “ready to counter threats from space”. He made the announcement after watching Starship Troopers and posting a live Vlog of him standing on ants. The UK has proved itself incapable of dealing...

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Cup Final Review

Despite spending the GDP of a medium sized country Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has ended the season as empty handed as the homeless people who were forced out of Windsor for the Royal wedding. The final itself was an affair completely d...

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Wedding Undress? or: How I learned to Stop Worrying and Love The Royal Wedding

As the big day draws near speculation is reaching fever pitch and only one question is on the countries lips: What will Megan wear on the big day? Many experts and commentators have thrown their speculation around like jizz at an orgy and a pleth...

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Worrisome Wisbech Worries

A series of strange, yet brutally horrifying, stabbings has struck the idyllic Norfolk town of Wisbech! The murders have been recorded on the steps of Peckover house, in the shadow of the Clarkson Memorial, in the social clubs clock tower and at the...

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Fondle The Meat Balls

Insane and somewhat destructive news has come hurtling out of Sweden today as the country admitted that it’s famed “Swedish Meatballs” are in fact “Turkish”. At the mention of foreigners Brexiteers were up in arms and The Daily Mail published a “are...

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Open Mouthed Banter

After the greatest team in the world was denied a definite FA cup final win by Manchester United people have been up in arms about a “tweet” sent from the official FA account about Harry Kane. Normally Harry is only up in arms about the sun setting a...

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The Hunt's On For GOOGLE

Cancerous pustule, Jeremy Hunt, has threatened Social media giants with more laws because he says they don’t do enough to protect children. Jeremy of course knows all about protecting children having closed down many children’s wards as health minist...

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Mourinho Spending Spree

Despite this season being a catastrophic failure of somewhat epic proportions Manchester United manager, Jose Maureen, will more than likely be handed even more money to throw at his failing team. The subsequent spending spree will more than like...

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Boris Blames

Back and to the Left news and Boris Johnson have something in common. Both of us like to make up wildly inaccurate stories to discredit or embarrass others. However where we are a pair of idiots travelling around the country singing stupid songs he i...

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Miliband Money Worries

David Miliband (the brother of the bacon sandwich guy) has apologised for the MP’s expenses scandal. In which tonnes of MP’s thought “fuck you” to the tax payer and claimed on everything they could. £100 breakfasts, Grey Goose vodka for dictators and...

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Breaking news…

Better Investigative Use of Mueller's Prosecutory Focus

While Mueller diddle-daddles over non-existent matters in Trump's campaign, real crimes in the Catholic church go unpunished! Plenty criminality in Popedom to keep an 'independent' counsel busy!
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