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Turks Rally Round Tortured Puppy During Elections

Funny story: Turks Rally Round Tortured Puppy During Elections

Two warring factions in Turkey have both decided to use the brutal maiming of a helpless puppy to further their political agendas during the forthcoming elections. The tiny helpless pup with huge sad eyes practically handed itself to spindoctors o...

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Trump Is Consulting Mobsters About Foreign Policy

Funny story: Trump Is Consulting Mobsters About Foreign Policy

WASHINGTON POST By Peter Hare Donald Trump has said that he's a "smart guy." That is the reason he doesn't need daily intelligence briefings. Too, he's said that he knows more than the generals about Isis. And 3 days ago he said he had more...

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Trump Creates "Department of War" Cheney To Be Head

Funny story: Trump Creates "Department of War" Cheney To Be Head

Donald Trump said today that the term "Defense Department" is "kind of PC but we'll keep the department going with Donald Rumsfeld at the helm." He continued, "During the campaign I said that I'd bomb the sh*t out of ISIS and kill the women and chil...

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2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

Funny story: 2015 GOP Platform Has Been Completed

The GOP platform that will be ratified by the 2016 Presidential Nominating Convention is now complete. Since the last convention, selected Congressional Republicans and State Party Chairs have been diligently working. According to insider reports, these are its major points: 1. We stand for the principles of torture, particularly rectal hydration. 2. We believe that rich donors should dramat...

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CIA torturers 'mostly Skull & Bonesmen' claims secret Mossad report

Funny story: CIA torturers 'mostly Skull & Bonesmen' claims secret Mossad report

Washington - A sinister cabal of Skull & Bonesmen masterminded CIA torture according to a leaked Israeli intelligence report. The Mossad Canary Juice division analysed hundreds of hours of harsh CIA irrigations - uh, interrogations. Their f...

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Shrink paid $81m to coach CIA torturers says 'Because I'm Worth It'

Funny story: Shrink paid $81m to coach CIA torturers says 'Because I'm Worth It'

Langley, Virginia - "It was no bum deal," said Professor Einstein Flintstone, a former Pentagon psychiatrist on secondment to train fledgling CIA torturers in the dark arts of rectal feeding plus other recreational crap. "And what's more that much...

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CIA "Rectal Hydration" Raises Questions

Funny story: CIA "Rectal Hydration" Raises Questions

LANGLEY, VA --CIA Director, John O. Brennan held a rare press conference today where he attempted to defend CIA torture post 9/11. Brennan, contradicting former CIA Directors, said, "It is unknowable whether useful intelligence was ever obtained...

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GOP Defends Torture

Funny story: GOP Defends Torture

The GOP today released a statement in support of "enhanced interrogation" otherwise know as torture used by the CIA. The first six points the republicans use in their support are the most significant arguments and are presented here: 1) Just a...

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Calls for UK judge-led cover-up into British complicity with CIA torture

Funny story: Calls for UK judge-led cover-up into British complicity with CIA torture

London - A trawl of the great and good in Britain's senior judiciary has narrowed down a list of candidates capable of bullshitting in the international premier league. Top pick for a prolonged and tortuous televised whitewash guaranteed to flush...

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US officials will demonstrate advanced interrogation techniques "not all that bad"

Announced today, Mr. Obama and Mr. Brennan (head of the CIA) will participate in experiments to show Senator Diane Feinstein's objections are "over-amped." Spokespersons maintain US advanced interrogation techniques are "not all that bad" and may...

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Former CIA Head Defends Torture

Funny story: Former CIA Head Defends Torture

Today, on the CNN show, "Today's News," the former head of the CIA, General Michael Hayden, and Harvard Professor of Ethics, Greg Stiles, squared off against one another on the issue of torture. The background of the debate centered on The Senat...

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CIA Torture Study a Torture to Read

Funny story: CIA Torture Study a Torture to Read

"Judicious Use of Cognitive and Physical Trauma to Elicit Psychic Response"--By Dr. Gunter Chang, Director of Cognitive Studies at the Central Intelligence Agency, August 2003. Abstract: Research in the area of the psychic science lags considerably behind other research fields primarily due to lack of reproducible quantitative data obtained under controlled conditions. In an effort to establ...

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Obama Issues Himself A Presidential Pardon

Funny story: Obama Issues Himself A Presidential Pardon

WASHINGTON -- In the wake of the Senate Select Committee Report on CIA torture showing a grisly, reckless brutality, a violation of the U.S. Constitution and the Geneva Accords, President Obama issued himself a pardon for possible illegal activities...

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Blair fingers Bush as CIA torture files published

Funny story: Blair fingers Bush as CIA torture files published

Washington AC/DC - Ghastly Poodlefaker Tony B Liar has blamed digital manipulation by his brother George Dubya Bush for leaving him up shit creek without the proverbial paddle. The rant comes as a US Senate Committee publishes its long-awaited re...

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Ripping Out Heart Better Than Lethal Injection

Funny story: Ripping Out Heart Better Than Lethal Injection

Dr. Joseph Mangele of Yale University, authority of Aztec culture and society, has written a book justifying capital punishment. He argues that when the state murders, in both societies, the ulterior motive is to maintain order and to sustain the pow...

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New American values committee forming to consider Senator Feinstein's emotionalism versus Mr. Cheney's dry-eyed but nasty interrogation systems

Funny story: New American values committee forming to consider Senator Feinstein's emotionalism versus Mr. Cheney's dry-eyed but nasty interrogation systems

Former vice-president Mr. Richard "would do it again in a trice" Cheney has come forward to exonerate CIA "enhanced interrogation" tactics first used during the Bush administration. America must be defended, according to Mr. Cheney, no matter wha...

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CIA Just Uses Dominatrix Techniques

Funny story: CIA Just Uses Dominatrix Techniques

On Thursday a Senate intelligence panel will vote to make public a report that shows that the CIA mismanaged its "enhanced interrogation program" by torturing detainees in its "war on terror." The report shows the Agency dealt in water boarding and...

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Former political prisoners recall how Pinochet used Cliff Richard and Cat Stevens songs in torture sessions

Funny story: Former political prisoners recall how Pinochet used Cliff Richard and Cat Stevens songs in torture sessions

Chile - Crappy singles like Cliff Richard's 'Mistletoe and Whine' and 'Living Troll' were part of General Pinochet's awesome torture armory according to former prisoners abused for decades by the vile dictator in Santiago Jail. Played ad nauseam a...

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Fake Friend

Surprise, surprise! Apparently, Omarosa was Trump’s fake friend. This is definitely sad.
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