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Starbucks denies anti Christian Holiday theme

Funny story: Starbucks denies anti Christian Holiday theme

Starbucks unveiled its line of holiday cups today and shocked concerned Christians throughout the world. One odd cup features a portrait of Pontius Pilate. When asked why this was chosen at this particular time of year spokesperson Arnold Pudge sai...

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Consumer Review - Starbucks vs Dunkin Donuts

Boston MA - Let's be honest, we have all had the opportunity of visiting each of these food service chains at least once. It wouldn't even be out of the realm of possibility that you have hit them both in the same day. I definitely prefer one over...

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Starbucks Baristas Study; Customers Squawk

Funny story: Starbucks Baristas Study; Customers Squawk

Lots of kudos for Starbucks when it was announced that the company was initiating a program to pay college tuition for its baristas. No applause from the customers though. Baristas are so wrapped up in their studies, the level of service has dec...

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Customers vote with their pocketbooks (and wallets)

Funny story: Customers vote with their pocketbooks (and wallets)

Consumers, tired of having companies lecture to them about what's hip and cool and, well, morally right, are fighting back. "If Starfuchs want my five buck, none their baristas better be lecturing me bout how to live my life," Black Panther Sam Ho...

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Building on Starbucks' Race Together Initiative New "Defend Your Position" Campaign Earning Stellar Reviews

Funny story: Building on Starbucks' Race Together Initiative New "Defend Your Position" Campaign Earning Stellar Reviews

Building upon the great success of Starbucks' Race Together campaign, a rival coffee house has unveiled their new concept of "Defend Your Position". "What we found out very quickly is that people already have very set opinions on a great many sub...

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Loner offended by new Starbucks promotion

Funny story: Loner offended by new Starbucks promotion

LAMETOWN, Pa. - James Shaverford, 28, was on Twitter this morning when he saw an offensive promoted tweet from Starbucks appear on his timeline. The promotion said, "Buy any holiday drink & get one free for a friend." Shaverford, being a lone...

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Rescue drama as tidal surge of algal bloom swamps Starbucks CEO's Hamptons beachfront

Funny story: Rescue drama as tidal surge of algal bloom swamps Starbucks CEO's Hamptons beachfront

Long Island, NY - Long Island Pest Control lifeboats were out in force this weekend when a red tide of algal bloom slimed the beach at Howard Schultz's Gracie Lane teardown bringing phytoplanktonic chaos (WTF dat? - 'Ed') to the East Hampton spread.

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Satan Responds To Complaints of Poor WiFi Coverage In Hell

Funny story: Satan Responds To Complaints of Poor WiFi Coverage In Hell

Responding to the growing complaints about Hell's sketchy wireless coverage, Satan issued an internal memo this week pointing out what he believes should be brutally obvious to even the most narcissistic damned - you're in Hell. The tone of the me...

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Taylor Swift Releases Latest Concert Rider Demands

Funny story: Taylor Swift Releases Latest Concert Rider Demands

Nashville, TN Taylor Swift's new concert rider has a few new items besides the usual Twizzlers, Starbucks Caramel Lattes, Chocolate Milk, Ben and Jerry's Chocolate Chip and Chocolate Brownies and Chocolate Chocolates, assorted vegetables, various che...

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Joe Biden: Obummercare enrollments may miss mark set by administration

WHITEWASHNTON, D. C. - On a tour of Starbucks coffeehouses, Joe Biden, President of Vice under Barack Obummer, did something that politicians, especially of his party, seldom, if ever, do: he told the truth. Specifically, he admitted that, des...

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The Mayors of Denver and Seattle Make A Very Interesting Bet On The Super Bowl

Funny story: The Mayors of Denver and Seattle Make A Very Interesting Bet On The Super Bowl

DENVER - The honorable Mayor Michael B. Hancock of The Mile High City has just informed the news media that he and the mayor of Seattle, the honorable Ed Murray have placed a bet on Super Bowl XLVIII (48). Every year it is customary for the mayors...

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Elephant Saunters into NY Starbucks

Funny story: Elephant Saunters into NY Starbucks

What for, you ask? To buy his morning coffee, of course. On a break from a nearby zoo, the elephant munched peanuts and chatted with startled customers as he waited for his order, two dozen Skinny Mochas. He said he was watching his weight; s...

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Starbucks Latest Marketing Campaign a "Beacon To Government Officials"

Starbucks Coffee has begun a new marketing campaign billed as a way to call upon Congress to "come together" and stop bickering. From Wednesday to Friday, Starbucks will give away a free tall brewed coffee to any customer in the U.S. who buys anot...

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Starbucks Makes Public Statement Guns Not Welcome But Not Outright Banned

Starbucks public spokesman Anselmo Java recently made a statement to the press regarding the company's stance regarding possession of firearms in any of their establishments. "The only shots we want to hear being fired off in our stores are shots...

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Starbucks to add Starbucks Kiosks inside Starbucks stores

Starbucks announced today they will begin adding Starbucks kiosks inside all of their stores. Said Starbucks spokesman Arbus "Bob" Verberner: "We already have kiosks in nearly every airport, train station and supermarket in the country as we...

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Boris Johnson loves a cup of corporation taxed Starbucks!

Funny story: Boris Johnson loves a cup of corporation taxed Starbucks!

The fabulous Lord Mayor of London, circus artist, aristocrat and TV quiz show host, Boris Johnson, has come out of his closet to support Starbucks Coffee in their bid to pay 20 million quid corporation tax! He has requested that the UK public shou...

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Funeral homes: the new Starbucks

In the midst of dwindling sales at home and stiff competition from other coffee shop chains, Starbucks management have recently turned to growth regions such as Asia to open up new stores while closing several existing shops in North America and Euro...

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How to get a free cup of coffee at Starbucks

How to get a free cup of coffee from Starbucks From the Staff of dc Lampoon Times are tough and coffee ain't cheap! So we here at the dclampoon.com have come up with some sure fire methods for you to get your free cup of morning Joe from non-participating Starbucks. The origins of free coffee The origins of free coffee can probably be traced back to some loin cloth wearing native starv...

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Breaking news…

Ex-CIA John Brennan Heads Up New Militant Group

Emulating his hero Robespierre, a pissed-off Brennan leads a new faction of Contra-Deplorables. The goal is to execute via guillotine at CIA HQ all those who disagree with him.
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