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Funny satire stories about Retail

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Population unpopular with Targette

Funny story: Population unpopular with Targette

Minneapolis, Minnesota ---- As part of its "population control program," discount retailer Targette, which has already equipped its stores with transgender bathrooms, "because," as the company's CEO, Brian C. "Big Bri" Cornhole, explained to star rep...

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Christmas Aisles Cleared From Supermarkets

Funny story: Christmas Aisles Cleared From Supermarkets

U.K Supermarkets have all followed each other in a gaffe caused by a "night staff" manager in Fresco. Overnight shelf stackers have replaced all Christmas items on the shelves of major supermarkets with Easter eggs. Most people have experienced th...

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Teen Nudity & Pornography - A Turn Off For Fashion Labels

Sex sells, conventional wisdom asserts, but, according to sales of fashion giant Aberzombie & Bitch, not so much. At least, not lately. Teens, it seems, have largely abandoned the clothing company known more for its nudity and pornographic...

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All-Saints Employees Causing Relationship Issues

Funny story: All-Saints Employees Causing Relationship Issues

New research has revealed the biggest reason for couples arguing during shopping are the over-flirtatious employees of All-Saints. Up until recently it was the total time spent shopping, impulse purchases, or the total amount spent that would mos...

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Albertsons buys Safeways

NEW YAWK, NEW YAWK -- As more states move to legalize "medical marijuana" use, Albertsons will purchase Safeway in an attempt to "take on" Walmart, and the two supermarket chains will compete as one against the world's largest retailer (yes, that wou...

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Walmart Wants To Sponsor NASA's Next Space Shuttle

Funny story: Walmart Wants To Sponsor NASA's Next Space Shuttle

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail store has just contacted the National Aeronautics Space Administration about a business proposition. Walmart spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace stated that the Walton family has decided that they w...

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Some Walmarts Will Begin Selling Automobiles

Funny story: Some Walmarts Will Begin Selling Automobiles

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail giant is getting ready to revolutionize the retail store industry. Walmart Spokesperson Kimberley Silverlace has unveiled Walmart's new "We Got It All" policy by revealing that the retail franchis...

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Walmart Is Closing Its One Store In North Korea

Funny story: Walmart Is Closing Its One Store In North Korea

BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail store has just stated that they will be closing its North Korean Walmart on January 3, 2014. A spokesperson for the retail giant said that the company was reporting an average of 15 shopping carts...

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Denny's and J.C. Penney's To Merge And Become Denny Penneys

Funny story: Denny's and J.C. Penney's To Merge And Become Denny Penneys

PLANO, Texas - Retail giant J.C. Penney, which is headquarted in Plano, Texas has just announced a big corporate merger. Penney's will be merging with the Denny's restaurant chain to form a new corporation which is being called Denny Penney's.

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The Retail Test

Funny story: The Retail Test

To get a little extra cash, I decided to take on a sales job at night - right after my usual nine to five gig. I wanted to buy this girl a ring with a jewel in it. To be quite honest, I wanted to steal a nice ring with a jewel in it. I figured the best way to do this would be to get a jeweler's sales job. So I applied at several stores and after a month passed, Swearingen & Acme Jewelry Re...

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Nude Britney Spears Bobblehead Dolls Are Being Recalled

Funny story: Nude Britney Spears Bobblehead Dolls Are Being Recalled

CHICAGO - In what is being billed as one of the biggest retail mistakes in the history of the retailing business, millions of Britney Spears Bobblehead Dolls are being recalled. Three of the nation's largest retail stores, the Dilly Dally Retail S...

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Retail Theory 101: We Deliver Great Customer Service. So, Please Wipe Your Ass With Our Merchandise. Part 1.

Funny story: Retail Theory 101: We Deliver Great Customer Service. So, Please Wipe Your Ass With Our Merchandise. Part 1.

The current state of retail customer service in the United States is such that one can go into any retail chain in the country, take a shit on the floor in the middle of the Seasonal section, and the Store Manager will feel obligated to bring you a Wet-Nap.* The answer, BTW? Ames, Bradlees, Caldor, Cornet, Gemci, G. C. Murphy, Rite-Aid, H.L.Greens, Hudson Brothers, Eckerds, Korvettes, J.G. McCrory...

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The New Demi Lovato Blonde Bobblehead Dolls Are Flying Off The Retail Store Shelves

Funny story: The New Demi Lovato Blonde Bobblehead Dolls Are Flying Off The Retail Store Shelves

CHICAGO - The Word Consumer Product Agency has just announced their February consumer focus report. Vinton Onionzook spokesperson for The Word stated that the nation's current product purchasing trend is definitely leaning towards the brand new De...

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£740 million expansion plans by the Two Nottingham Malls - With Citizen's Views

In the middle of this depression, and with the highest levels ever known of unemployed in Nottingham, the two owners of Nottingham's shopping centres plan to expand! Victoria Shopping Centre - Nottingham Management Comment: We believe it is a good time to invest in the Victoria Centre and Nottingham. Their proposals: * An additional 500,000sq feet extension. * £240+ million investm...

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Six Nations Showdown Day: Retailers On The Brink

Funny story: Six Nations Showdown Day: Retailers On The Brink

Will England win the Grand Slam or will the Irish spoil the party? Can the Welsh triumph in France and sneak the title? Italy to beat he Scots anyone? Can retailers survive seven hours of fully-televised Six Nations rugby union? The shopping...

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Snow Hits Retailers At Peak Season

Funny story: Snow Hits Retailers At Peak Season

Retailers were bemoaning the weather yesterday, as once again Britain ground to a halt in freezing conditions. As airports closed and trains stopped running, shops were looking emptier than is usual at this time of year. The lack of customers l...

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Mad cows stampede through feed store on Black Friday

Funny story: Mad cows stampede through feed store on Black Friday

WISCONSIN-- Employees at the BarnMart in Milwaukee braced themselves Friday morning for the yearly onslaught of cattle looking for the best deals on feed. A herd of heifers, bulls, and calves were lined up around the block in the wee hours waiting f...

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In-Store Christmas Music Causes "Smack In The Mouth" Syndrome

Funny story: In-Store Christmas Music Causes "Smack In The Mouth" Syndrome

Some 73 per cent of shoppers would rather shops waited until December before playing Christmas music. A survey of more than 2,000 shoppers also revealed that more than 60 per cent were not prompted to start their Christmas shopping by Christmas tu...

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