Funny satire stories about Premiership

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Funny story: Carricks Conundrum

Carricks Conundrum

Jose Mourinho has sensationally revealed to Back and to the Left news why "past it" midfielder Michael Carrick hasn't had much playing time. The Portuguese with the Napoleon complex waved his hands around a lot before fixing us with those piggy littl...
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Funny story: Barry Battles On

Barry Battles On

After Gareth Barry (the player so boring they gave him two first names) made his record breaking 602nd Premier League appearance his manager Tony Pulis ominously said: He can play for another three years Before strangely adding Even if he do...
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Funny story: Philippes Fed Up

Philippes Fed Up

Back and to the Left news follows sport purely for the hyperbole. Especially the shrieking nonsense that follows every single decision at Arsenal football club, our favourite punch line. So in the spirit of all things fair we'll write a article ab...
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Funny story: Sunderland Spiteback

Sunderland Spiteback

In an astonishing response to Sunderland midfielder Darren Gibson slating his city the Mayor of Sunderland has released this statement: "Let me start by saying Darren Gibson is a round chested, no class cunt who would injure himself wiping his ars...
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Funny story: Sunday Bloody Sunderland

Sunday Bloody Sunderland

Sunderland midfielder Darren Gibson has confirmed what the rest of the world already knows: that Sunderland are shite. Darren, who himself is quite shite, was caught on camera slagging off everything he could about the team, the city, his neighbou...
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Funny story: Pre Season Permutations

Pre Season Permutations

Pre season for footballers is completely insane. Respected journalists lose their shit at hearing a drunk man at a bar saying Ronaldo is going to Juventus. People believe that players are moving clubs just because one of their social media team has l...
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Funny story: Claudio Ranieri wins "UK 2017 Sack Race"!

Claudio Ranieri wins "UK 2017 Sack Race"!

The annual national sack race that takes place in England around this time has been won by a rank outsider, Claudio Ranieri, of Italian origin, but residing in the stormy land of Leicester, UK. Previous winners, Jose Mourinho, Big Sam Allardyce, L...
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Funny story: The Problem With Pep

The Problem With Pep

After even more holes were shot into St Pep's wings by the incomparable lad Jamie Vardy (who celebrated his hat trick with two kebabs and a packet of Marlborough) we caught up with the Manchester City Maestro to find out what was going wrong. When...
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Funny story: Saudi Cash Injection

Saudi Cash Injection

According to a think tank of "investment consultants" (read: probable wankers) a large group of Saudi Arabian investors are looking to invest in a number of "top London" football clubs. A statement which immediately ruled Tottenham Hotspur out of the...
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Funny story: "Stratfords' Olympic Athletics Stadium to be rebranded as THE ANTS NEST!" states the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

"Stratfords' Olympic Athletics Stadium to be rebranded as THE ANTS NEST!" states the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

THE ANTS NEST, Stratford, LONDON: In developments that have even taken the footballing world by surprise, Ms Karen Brady, known by her world wide name as the Duchess of Knightsbridge, has revealed a new rebranding development! "Stratfords' Olympi...
View '"Stratfords' Olympic Athletics Stadium to be rebranded as THE ANTS NEST!" states the Duchess of Knightsbridge.'
Funny story: "Why were 300 Upton Park stewards sacked?" shrieks the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

"Why were 300 Upton Park stewards sacked?" shrieks the Duchess of Knightsbridge.

THE Athletics Stadium, Stratford, LONDON: Following the manhandling ejection of the Duchess of Knightsbridge from the London Stadium, whilst the 'Duchess' was standing up singing the West Ham National anthem and being labelled a 'trouble-maker', ser...
View '"Why were 300 Upton Park stewards sacked?" shrieks the Duchess of Knightsbridge.'
Funny story: The Pog Returns

The Pog Returns

In the most surprising move of the summers transfer window amateur rapper, style icon and part time footballer Paul Pogba has joined Manchester United in a word record £105million quid deal. The deal was finally pushed through in the early hours o...
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Funny story: Transfer Speculation Part Three

Transfer Speculation Part Three

More transfer news coming at you quicker than a speeding train as you lie on the tracks of life. After keeping our ears on the ground and risking getting trampled on Back and to the Left news have caught wind of five more transfer "done" deals. •...
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Funny story: Feeding Frenzy In The Transfer Market

Feeding Frenzy In The Transfer Market

Premier League clubs have spent £475million in the month of July! Meaning on average £15.3 million a day, £634K a hour, £10K a minute and £177 a second is haemorrhaging out the clubs like blood from a stab victim. We grabbed one frightened officia...
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Funny story: Transfer Speculation Part Two

Transfer Speculation Part Two

Here at Back and to the Left news we have our fingers on the pulse of the transfer market and let us tell you it's not a cadaver. Many other news outlets will scream about "hot tips" and "near certainties" when in reality they overheard a bloke on th...
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Funny story: Arsenal: The UK's Injury Specialists

Arsenal: The UK's Injury Specialists

Arsenals latest "win a all expenses paid long term holiday" winner is giant defensive liability Per Mertesacker, accepting the honour by picking up a injury in the meaningless friendly against Lens. Arsenals injury record, which is occasionally th...
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Funny story: Transfer speculation Part one

Transfer speculation Part one

The transfer silly season is now in full swing with millions of pounds being thrown at players who barely know how play the offside trap and who think "man on" is a homophobic slur. In a effort to cut through the lies and deceit in these the most...
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Funny story: The Boreiniho Effect

The Boreiniho Effect

Despite England's glorious failure in the Euros English football fans can at least console themselves with the fact the Premier League season starts soon. The sheer amount of money sloshing around like diarrhoea in a bucket makes it impossible that w...
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Breaking News...

"Goop" Introduces Coal Egg

"Once you muster enough pelvic muscle strength to compress this baby into a diamond, you will have a beautiful gemstone to present to the man of your dreams," declared spokesmodel Gwyneth Paltrow.
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