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Funny satire stories about Manchester United

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The Pre-Season Games

Professional “bitcher” and part time Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has claimed unless he’s allowed to sign all the players he wants, United could have a “very difficult season”. He is quoted as saying: "My CEO knows what I want. I k...

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Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Funny story: Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Harry Maguire, the Leicester City and England defender, has turned down the opportunity to join Manchester United, saying he fucking hates them. Maguire, 25, was born in Sheffield, and has always been a Sheffield United supporter. As such, there...

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Cup Final Review

Despite spending the GDP of a medium sized country Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has ended the season as empty handed as the homeless people who were forced out of Windsor for the Royal wedding. The final itself was an affair completely d...

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Open Mouthed Banter

After the greatest team in the world was denied a definite FA cup final win by Manchester United people have been up in arms about a “tweet” sent from the official FA account about Harry Kane. Normally Harry is only up in arms about the sun setting a...

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Mourinho Spending Spree

Despite this season being a catastrophic failure of somewhat epic proportions Manchester United manager, Jose Maureen, will more than likely be handed even more money to throw at his failing team. The subsequent spending spree will more than like...

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Mourinho Bites Back

Manchester United manager, Jose Mourinho, has launched into a astonishing defence of his time at United. Predictably blaming anything and everything but himself for a string of mediocre performances throughout the season. He said: Against Sevil...

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Fans advised not to be within spitting distance of Jamie Carragher

Ex Liverpool legend Jamie Carragher has apologised after sensationally spitting at a fourteen year old girl and her dad on the motorway. The Sky TV pundit had been driving back from the Manchester United V Liverpool clash and was clearly a little ann...

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Carricks Conundrum

Jose Mourinho has sensationally revealed to Back and to the Left news why "past it" midfielder Michael Carrick hasn't had much playing time. The Portuguese with the Napoleon complex waved his hands around a lot before fixing us with those piggy littl...

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Jose's Mindset

Who would have thought throwing £300million at a team would change them from a terrible one to a decent one? Well everyone except Manchester United manager Jose Mourinho who firmly believes the sun revolves around his giant ego. The only surprise now...

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Rooney In United Stand-off

International marketing firm and social media gurus, Manchester United, have dropped their biggest hint yet that England Captain Wayne Rooney will be leaving the club. United's record goal scored has spent time on the substitutes bench this season an...

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Jose Mourinho buys 500 new players!

Funny story: Jose Mourinho buys 500 new players!

After the mega success of Manchester United in the Europa League, Jose Mourinho, has decided he needs to strengthen his squad and has handed CEO, Ed Woodward, a list of 500 players he wants! The media circus around United is going bananas speculat...

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Why is the "Special One" always grumpy?

Funny story: Why is the "Special One" always grumpy?

Jose Mourinho, Manchester United manager, seems to have a chip on his shoulder as big as his salary because he is always grumpy! A soccer shrink working for Jaggedone's CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) called, Sir Blubby Blusby, has been studying...

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The world awaits a clash of fallen Titans not hoping for a Phoenix to rise from the ashes!

Funny story: The world awaits a clash of fallen Titans not hoping for a Phoenix to rise from the ashes!

Manchester, Sunday 15th on January, sees two once titanic giants clash in a Theater of Dreams, or a nightmare for one, depending who wins and loses this monumental battle. The crowns of these two giants has slipped drastically in recent years, but...

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United sack Jose Mourinho!

Funny story: United sack Jose Mourinho!

The Manchester United board of directors have decided to part way with their recently acquired manager, Jose Mourinho! After 3 successive wins and a run of 10 games unbeaten the board told the parasitical British press that this was an unacceptable s...

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The Special One admits being special is not so special!

Funny story: The Special One admits being special is not so special!

The great Manchester derby ended with The Special One not being so special whilst providing their noisy neighbors with special gifts that only Fools and Horses would give away. However, in his defence, that resembled a Swiss Cheese factory, after...

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Pogbas Pogs

The sensational £100 million transfer of Paul Pogba (The French Lee Cattermole) to Manchester United is being held up by one tiny detail. Pogba's involvement in a upcoming TV show which he will host called: Pogbas Pogs. In the ten part series (wit...

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The Boreiniho Effect

Funny story: The Boreiniho Effect

Despite England's glorious failure in the Euros English football fans can at least console themselves with the fact the Premier League season starts soon. The sheer amount of money sloshing around like diarrhoea in a bucket makes it impossible that w...

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The Special One replaces The Senile One!

Funny story: The Special One replaces The Senile One!

As if the insanity surrounding Dutchman, King Louis van Gaal, was not enough, he has now been sentenced into exile in his Portuguese sanitorium and is being replaced by a special Portuguese Man of War, who has a lethal sting. In fact, the story is ev...

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Breaking news…

Republicans Respond To Trump's Madness....

Today Congressional Republicans responded to all of Donald Trump's outrageous behavior and lies .....................................................................................................not.
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