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Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Funny story: Harry Maguire Turns Down Manchester United Move As He Fucking Hates Them

Harry Maguire, the Leicester City and England defender, has turned down the opportunity to join Manchester United, saying he fucking hates them. Maguire, 25, was born in Sheffield, and has always been a Sheffield United supporter. As such, there...

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England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

Funny story: England: Fourth Place Is Coming Home!

Let the celebrations begin! The England football team, so often derided in the past and labelled 'disappointing' at major tournaments, have at last 'completed the job', 'delivered the goods', and, in one last pathetic strain for a brilliant flower...

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England Still Have Everything To Play For

Funny story: England Still Have Everything To Play For

England manager Gareth Southgate knows that he has a tricky job on his hands to raise his troops for tomorrow's game with Belgium, but has buoyed them with the rallying call that: Everything is still to play for - except for the World Cup, that...

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Heatwave Causes Nudity Problems In Suburban UK

Funny story: Heatwave Causes Nudity Problems In Suburban UK

The continuing heatwave which has seen temperatures across the UK rise to same levels as other countries across the world, has brought with it an influx of complaints. Apart from the usual "it's too bloody hot" whingers, the general public is comp...

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Football-England Loses and Wins at the Same Time

Funny story: Football-England Loses and Wins at the Same Time

In a classic twist similar to the end of the film" Inception", the England team have simultaneously won and lost a match to Belgium. By losing to the pus-filled pimple on the face of the Earth that is Belgium, England have actually won an easier r...

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Lucky England Through To Last 16

Funny story: Lucky England Through To Last 16

England progressed to the last 16 of the World Cup last night after they defeated a plucky Panama side 6-1, but it might have been all so different. Harry Kane, England's captain, scored a hat-trick, but it was was probably the most fortunate in h...

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England Trounces Panama after Surprise Goals

Funny story: England Trounces Panama after Surprise Goals

England surged to a 6-1 victory against Panama today in the most surprising and uplifting match so far in the World Cup. Harry Kane was so successful at scoring goals during the match that he actually scored a goal withour realising it and had to...

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Man Fell Asleep During England Game

Funny story: Man Fell Asleep During England Game

After all the excitement during the build-up to the World Cup, and the first round of games during the last few days, it was right back down to earth on Monday night, as England and Tunisia sent one viewer into a perfect dreamless sleep. Football...

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English Gardener Attacked by Biting Ants

Funny story: English Gardener Attacked by Biting Ants

A British lady has been viciously attacked in her own garden by biting ants, leaving her in a state of great undress. Librarian Catherine Catlow had decided to plant some trailling sweet peas along a border when she found herself perched precariou...

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Northern England to be left to decay into wild forest

Funny story: Northern England to be left to decay into wild forest

The UK government has announced a bold new plan for the North of England. Instead of adapting to a post-industrial world, it is to be abandoned and left for weeds and trees to come back. Prime Minister Theresa May explained the decision at a press...

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Southgate V Slovenia

England's managerial waterboy, Gareth Southgate, has sensationally admitted that "some if not all" of his current squad don't deserve to be there! England are scheduled to play Slovenia tonight and Gareth is obviously worried about the threat the...

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Emu Brexits!

A large Emu has being spotted at large in woods near Cambridge and the discovery has Brexitiers up in arms! Woods, normally home to good strong British animals such as foxes and badgers, are becoming over saturated with foreign looking birds.

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American Plans First Vacation to Europe: Wonders if it will be a letdown like Mount Rushmore.

Funny story: American Plans First Vacation to Europe: Wonders if it will be a letdown like Mount Rushmore.

West Bend, IN, U.S. (Reuters) Michael Barnett, an electrical engineer from West Bend, Indiana, and his wife, Christy, have planned a vacation to Europe after 22 years of marriage. Christy Barnett posted to her Facebook page a video of her reaction w...

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Border controls sharpened and barbed wire put on Hadrian's wall to stop Scot invasion!

Funny story: Border controls sharpened and barbed wire put on Hadrian's wall to stop Scot invasion!

English custom's authorities, police and military are on red alert after a border invasion of ginger-headed (Not Harry he's got other problems), kilt wearing, whisky smelling, bagpipe playing Scots entered the country today in seek of revenge! OK,...

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Theresa May's Inaugural Speech Leaked

Funny story: Theresa May's Inaugural Speech Leaked

Theresa May in anticipation of becoming Britain's next Prime Minister sent a copy of her inaugural speech to her friend Hillary Clinton which is how we managed to get it. Here it is in full. "Mister Speaker, honourable ladies and gentlemen. There...

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Protests grow in aftermath of Euro exit

There was fury last night when it emerged that England's entire Euro 16 squad (with the exception of Jack Wilshere) have been refused Personal Independence Payment (PIP). Manager Roy Hodgson resigned in disgust, with a close friend claiming, "Roy...

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English Thug Punches Bag of Crisps at Euro 2016

Funny story: English Thug Punches Bag of Crisps at Euro 2016

Following substantial unrest in Marseille and Lille, the scourge of English football hooliganism has reared its ugly head again in the city of Arras, Pas De Calais. The unsavoury incident occurred at approximately 11:15am in the central Leader Pri...

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Most Brits Would Rather Call Their EU Exit 'Leavey McLeave Face!'

Funny story: Most Brits Would Rather Call Their EU Exit 'Leavey McLeave Face!'

Britain, U.K. - After casting millions of votes to name England's new oceanic research vessel Boaty McBoat Face, and then being denied the name by those in charge of naming boats and stuff, most british citizens would now like to stop using the word...

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Breaking news…

Ex-CIA John Brennan Heads Up New Militant Group

Emulating his hero Robespierre, a pissed-off Brennan leads a new faction of Contra-Deplorables. The goal is to execute via guillotine at CIA HQ all those who disagree with him.
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