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Pope Francis Declares Death Penalty Inadmissible in All Cases, Except for Jesus Christ

Funny story: Pope Francis Declares Death Penalty Inadmissible in All Cases, Except for Jesus Christ

In a Vatican press conference today, it was announced that Pope Francis has changed the teachings of the Catholic faith to oppose the death penalty in all circumstances, except for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. The new position was met with incred...

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Pentagon Admits Spending 79 Trillion Dollars On Hookers And Blow

Funny story: Pentagon Admits Spending 79 Trillion Dollars On Hookers And Blow

In honor of Earth Day, Pentagon officials decided to tell the American people the truth for once. In a special report that was temporarily declassified for only 24 hours, the Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces admitted that most of money supp...

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A New Chair Helps Politicians Avoid The Issues

Funny story: A New Chair Helps Politicians Avoid The Issues

IKEA introduced a new chair yesterday specifically designed to help Washington, DC politicians pivot to another topic when asked an important question they have absolutely no intent on answering. And the chair, a Highback Evasion Elite, can easily...

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Fat Cat Fringo orders the Ghost Town Water Department to build a magic machine to turn sticks, rocks and mud into silver, gold, and platinum

Funny story: Fat Cat Fringo orders the Ghost Town Water Department to build a magic machine to turn sticks, rocks and mud into silver, gold, and platinum

GHOST TOWN, N.J. - "Man, Fat Cat Fringo is a mean taskmaster. How in the world are we going to make some kind of contraption to change sticks, rocks, and mud into silver, gold, and platinum?" the deputy chief water department head said to his crew of...

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The politics of survival in Ghost Town, N.J., is existential, brutal and sad!

Funny story: The politics of survival in Ghost Town, N.J., is existential, brutal and sad!

GHOST TOWN, N.J. - "Mayor, Fat Cat Fringo wants to know if you've had the city water crew run the city water lines to his underground casino on the north side yet." I walked into the mayor's office and he was finagling around with one of those Rub...

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Comey on the run toward the Canadian border

Funny story: Comey on the run toward the Canadian border

Recently fired FBI Director James Comey's affairs have gone from bad to worse, and he is now on the road somewhere between Washington and the Canadian border. Mr. Trump has said he feels obligated to release the contents of private talks with Mr.

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My friend Jacko lands a job interviewing dead people who voted for Hillary Clinton

Funny story: My friend Jacko lands a job interviewing dead people who voted for Hillary Clinton

Upon much hesitancy and bewilderment, I joined my friend and neighbor Jacko, who visited a few local graveyards yesterday for a new job he just started. Jacko landed a job in the messy, stinking "Trump Dumpster" as an interviewer, investigator, a...

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Pizza Parlor Panic!

Funny story: Pizza Parlor Panic!

Montgomery Ala.: Creation scientist have issued a dire warning against eating pizza. Ford Cellars, of the Bible Center for Spiritual Research said they have evidence that consumption of the cuisine may lead to pedophila. "We've kept a close e...

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Trump Says Warren G. Harding Is His Role Model

Funny story: Trump Says Warren G. Harding Is His Role Model

Donald Trump said today that his Presidency was being modeled on that of President Warren G. Harding. Trump stated that his cabinet was being filled with "Really greedy, successful millionaires and billionaires that I greatly admire. President Hard...

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Animal Farm, Part 9: The Pipeline

Funny story: Animal Farm, Part 9: The Pipeline

Marksy - along with all the other horses - had no idea what "subsistence" meant, but they were told by Murdoch that they could look it up if they needed to. They didn't know how or where to look things up, so Murdoch told them the "truth," as he put it, telling the horses it meant "just enough to survive" for right now. The Boar also told the horses that it was just temporary, and that once the...

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Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

Funny story: Sam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record

England football manager Sam Allardyce today stepped down from the post, and immediately became the first England team manager in history to leave the job with a 100% record. Allardyce, who took over from previous boss, Roy Hodgson, in July, guide...

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Trump Campaign's new CEO Quits Fearing She'll be Fired

Funny story: Trump Campaign's new CEO Quits Fearing She'll be Fired

A few months ago, Donald Trump tapped Kellyanne Conway to be his campaign manager. As an attractive, well-spoken, expert pollster she was supposed to put a good face on a campaign associated with vulgarity, unrestrained hatred, vicious attacks Musli...

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Nigeria's oil business is corrupt! Now that is real news!

Funny story: Nigeria's oil business is corrupt! Now that is real news!

Nigeria's blessing in disguise, the discovery of black gold on their shores, was meant to propell the whole nation into realms of wealth, jobs, homes, affluence, good health care, and basic prosperity for every Nigerian. This Utopian dream has now tu...

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Bookmakers Open Betting on Savile Inquiry

Funny story: Bookmakers Open Betting on Savile Inquiry

NB:The following was written one day before Tony Blackburn got it in the neck from the Beeb. The Chief CEO at Chapbrooks betting firm is a retired army major. Our sports reporter at "U-R-FKD" magazine called around to see him to explain Chapbrooks...

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Corbyn calls for Dolphin Expulsion

Funny story: Corbyn calls for Dolphin Expulsion

Labour leadership frontrunner Jeremy Corbyn has called for all Dolphins in British water parks to be expelled from the country, after a Palestinian group accused Israel of using trained Dolphins to spy on them. Mr Corbyn said in a speech to suppo...

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Sepp's Main Aim

Funny story: Sepp's Main Aim

With the re-election of Sepp Blatter as head of the mafia Back and to the Left news travelled to Switzerland to visit the man himself. After passing more security than a secret research facility we were taken to a giant pool room. Half naked beauties bathed in a pool of champagne and frolicked under waterfalls of gold flecked water. We would have given them a wave but that would be a breach of...

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Blatter wins again

Funny story: Blatter wins again

Sepp Blatter, Non-Stick-Coated CEO of FIFA, has been re-elected despite not winning a two-thirds majority against Jordan's Prince Ali bin al-Hussein, who withdrew after the first round of voting. Furious that allegations of corruption were also la...

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Liberation Of Tibet Imminent - Dalai Lama ecstatically states that Tibet will once again be his and celebrates with the buying of surfs!

The Dalai who is quickly approaching his eightieth birthday has said recently "This will be the year!" referring the end of Tibetan struggle with China being aligned with his eightieth birthday. A well-established fact amongst most of the Dalai Lama'...

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Breaking news…

Trump Now Also President of Egypt

President Donald Trump now claims to be part Egyptian after a new mummy was uncovered. Noted the President, "Look! It's old, wrinkly, shriveled, and orange! Just like me!"
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