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Funny satire stories about Cigarettes

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Man's Wife-To-Be Went Outside For Cigarette

Funny story: Man's Wife-To-Be Went Outside For Cigarette

A man's wedding day was laid to waste when his bride-to-be told him she 'just' needed to "pop outside for a cigarette", and was never seen again. Colin 'D' was due at Bournemouth Registry Office at 11am to tie the knot with his intended, whose nam...

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"Cigarette Smoke Soap" Sales Surge

Funny story: "Cigarette Smoke Soap" Sales Surge

Richmond, Va - Sales of cigarette smoke soap, with its patent pending cigarette smoke scent, have surged across the United States. "Anyone who uses our soap will smell like cigarette smoke for at least two days, or your money back. With its pat...

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Dook University Develops Prescription Cigarette

Funny story: Dook University Develops Prescription Cigarette

Durham, NC [PP] -- On Monday, Dook University released what may be a first for modern science, a therapeutic cigarette which very well could cure some forms of cancer. Dr. Ralph Jones, director of research says, "This is groundbreaking research, t...

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About Those Cigarettes In Your Shirt Pocket

Funny story: About Those Cigarettes In Your Shirt Pocket

I always liked visiting the Super Bowl Pub in Wheaton, Maryland to check in with my fellow dregs to catch up on the local news, down copious beverages, talk bull and shoot some pool. Most of all we liked to talk to our good friend and owner, John, who when he saw us playing pool mumbled: "I wish you would play darts and hit someone in the back of the head rather than ruin my good pool tables".

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Health Groups Urging Chart Topping Band the Chainsmokers to Change Their Name

They may be one of the hottest acts in pop at the moment, but US dance music duo the Chainsmokers are being criticized by health organisations and campaigners because of their rather unhealthy-sounding name. The twosome, Andrew Taggart and Alex Pa...

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Plain cigarette packaging will help people addicted to fonts

British MPs have voted to introduce plain packaging to all cigarettes sold in the UK by 2016, in an attempt to cut down on font addiction. "It's a growing problem," said one typographer. "Thanks to the internet, it's easier than ever for kids to g...

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Two Arrested After Jousting Match with Frozen Cigarette Smoke

Funny story: Two Arrested After Jousting Match with Frozen Cigarette Smoke

Two people are facing charges following a fight that broke out Thursday evening at a Maryland metro station bus stop. Maryland State Police said the fight started around 5:15 p.m. between the Suitland metro station and the Come & Get It Liquor...

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Man Who Smoked Asbestos Cigarettes "Not Happy One Bit"

A. Richland Moore recently announced that he was filing a lawsuit against several major companies because of his long fight with lung disease that he claims was caused by his addiction to asbestos cigarettes. In the 1980s and 1990s Mr. Moore sm...

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Can't We Focus On All The People Who Didn't Die From Smoking? Beg Tobacco Companies

Funny story: Can't We Focus On All The People Who Didn't Die From Smoking? Beg Tobacco Companies

Leading tobacco companies and cigarette makers are asking the public not to focus on the dangers of smoking but to switch their thoughts to the millons of people who smoked but did not die from smoking related illnesses. "Not everyone dies from ca...

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Local Man Decides To Not Quit Smoking

Funny story: Local Man Decides To Not Quit Smoking

Dan Riley, 31, of Madison, WI announced in a press conference today that he no longer intends to quit smoking, and that everyone can just kiss his ass. Lighting a cigarette, Riley explained his decision, "I really wanted to quit, too; not anymore. Oh...

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Study Links Smoking with Subconcious Obsession with Hiding Your Lighter

Funny story: Study Links Smoking with Subconcious Obsession with Hiding Your Lighter

A study, conducted by XNM LABS, has linked smoking cigarettes with the subconscious obsession of hiding one's lighter. Scientists of XNM LABS studied 250 smokers, splitting them in to two groups, to perform the highly controversial double-blind t...

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Top Ten Cigarette Brands That Never Caught Fire!

Funny story: Top Ten Cigarette Brands That Never Caught Fire!

Top Ten Cigarettes than never caught on, no matter how many commercials you ran on television and radio, billboards placed along the highways! 10. Lungbusters 9. Saferettes (We put your health first with our filter at each end.) 8. Fifty Butts (Save a buck, order Fifty Butts) 7. S & M's 6. Lucky Dope 5. Tobacco Farmers Genuine Organic Locally Grown Tobacco 4. Cedar...

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Anti-Smoking Ad Campaign Gets Teen Drunk

Valvoline, MI - Various public health advertisement campaigns in recent years have depicted graphic ads showing real smokers and the physical pains that they suffer including tracheotomy valves and the like. Studies show that the advertisements have...

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Justin Bieber Caught Smoking Marijuana Again!

Funny story: Justin Bieber Caught Smoking Marijuana Again!

NEWPORT BEACH, California - It appears that Justin Bieber's talk about mending his ways and leaving behind the world of fast cars, pot parties, and tattoo parlors is nothing but pure D bunk as they say in Amarillo, Texas. Tapioca Swizzle with Titt...

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United Healthcare to buy Philip Morris

Funny story: United Healthcare to buy Philip Morris

MINNETONKA, MN - UnitedHealth Group, Inc. President and CEO, Stephen J. Hemsley announced today that UnitedHealth Group will purchase Philip Morris USA Inc., an Altria company for $674,986,685,999,324.67. "UnitedHealth Group is the largest healthc...

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Simon Cowell Makes A Big Admission

Funny story: Simon Cowell Makes A Big Admission

NEW YORK CITY - Simon Cowell was in the Big Apple checking up on a business deal regarding a new reality show. The man behind the success of American Idol and X-Factor talked with Savannah Kettle, a reporter with Glamboyant Magazine. The 53-yea...

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Ardi Rizal The 2-Year-Old Smoking Baby Has Quit The Habit

Funny story: Ardi Rizal The 2-Year-Old Smoking Baby Has Quit The Habit

SUMATRA, Indonesia - Indonesian-born Ardi Rizal first made world news when he was videotaped smoking a cigarette at the amazing age of two-years-old. The Internet video went viral and has thus far gotten over 13 million views. Ardi, or Baby Chu...

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Bad news for sons-in-law: women who quit smoking by age 50 can live up to a decade longer

Funny story: Bad news for sons-in-law: women who quit smoking by age 50 can live up to a decade longer

HARFOLD, Vt. - Harfold State College released this week a study which son-in-laws everywhere will have a hard time swallowing. Women who quit smoking by the age of 50 dramatically cut risk of an early death, enjoying up to ten to fifteen more year...

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Fake Friend

Surprise, surprise! Apparently, Omarosa was Trump’s fake friend. This is definitely sad.
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