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Now that he wants to become an American, The Beeb wishes he hadn't been such an asshole

Funny story: Now that he wants to become an American, The Beeb wishes he hadn't been such an asshole

USA All the Way—Now that he's wed Hailey “Bald” Wynn, the blonde bombshell who shaves “down there,” teen heartthrob Justin “Canuck” Bieber wants to become an American. But he also wants to retain his Canuck citizenship. “As he says to me,” his blu...

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Dumb MFer Gets Ripped Off Buying Used Hyundai

Funny story: Dumb MFer Gets Ripped Off Buying Used Hyundai

A local moron just got ripped off buying a used Hyundai Sonata. "I bought the bumper-to-bumper warranty, which added like $3,000 to the price of this cheap piece of shit," the dumb motherfucker from Carson Township said. But the bumper-to-bump...

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American Guy Tries to Act Like He Knows A Lot About Soccer

Funny story: American Guy Tries to Act Like He Knows A Lot About Soccer

An American guy who knows nothing about soccer got way too into the World Cup match between England and Croatia in an effort to seem cool and worldly to his friends. He even used the word "gutted" to describe his feelings after the loss, knowing t...

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HARDCORE! Small Sector of Americans Remain Committed to Extreme Sports like Jogging and Power-Walking

Funny story: HARDCORE! Small Sector of Americans Remain Committed to Extreme Sports like Jogging and Power-Walking

Shrugging off warnings about heat exhaustion, dehydration, and running being hard on the joints, a small but committed sector of the American population continue to cling to their obsession with extreme sports, like jogging and power-walking. “It'...

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LOL??? New Study Reports that People Are Funny

Funny story: LOL??? New Study Reports that People Are Funny

A new study released today by the American Psychological Association reports that people are funny - not funny in the "ha-ha sense," clarified APA President Evan Cartwright, but funny as in "weird, strange, bizarre. F-ed up, if you will.” Cartwrig...

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Poll Reveals that 45% of Americans Think They Will Wake Up and the Entire Trump Presidential Term Will Have Been a Dream

Funny story: Poll Reveals that 45% of Americans Think They Will Wake Up and the Entire Trump Presidential Term Will Have Been a Dream

Online and in-person surveys have mostly agreed on the percentage of Americans who cannot believe what is happening since Trump started running for President. "Things just started getting more and more unreal. First there was the nomination campaign which was surrealistic. Then there was the press, which wouldn't stop covering Trump just like one would watch a train wreck. But the train made i...

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Town Suspicious Of Man's Fancy Shirt

Funny story: Town Suspicious Of Man's Fancy Shirt

DEVILS LAKE, ND - Reporting flagrant use of paisley and too many colors, residents of this quiet resort town have raised alarm at the bold fashion statement made by recent transplant Steven Hoey, seen last night wearing the flamboyant shirt. Local w...

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The American Dream Is Now The American Reality TV Show

Funny story: The American Dream Is Now The American Reality TV Show

There's a new flavor of the month reality show coming out every day and it's called America. Citizens are really excited because they have more opportunities to sit on the couch eating dictator tots, while watching the fly by lies become the truth ri...

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Hillary Clinton To Make Direct Appeal To Less-Educated, White, Male Voters

Funny story: Hillary Clinton To Make Direct Appeal To Less-Educated, White, Male Voters

In the final run-up to the US presidential elections, Hillary Clinton is hoping to ensure victory by winning-over the one demographic group that Donald Trump has yet failed to insult or alienate. That group consists of white American men without a...

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Americans Embarrassed By Trump Won't Travel Abroad

Funny story: Americans Embarrassed By Trump Won't Travel Abroad

62% of Americans don't know what the constitution is - they have no idea of what's in it. 51% believe it establishes a Christian nation. 1 in 4 believes that the sun revolves around the earth. 70% of Americans don't believe in evolution which is...

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Trump's Fight to Protect American soil - and Personal Space

Funny story: Trump's Fight to Protect American soil - and Personal Space

Washington, D.C. - You heard it here first. The Trump campaign has, yet again, surprised America by proposing a new policy it is naming "The Unalienable Personal Space of Americans", which would criminalize the action of illegal aliens who get too cl...

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US Citizens Embarassed By Donald Trump Pose As Canadians When Abroad

Funny story: US Citizens Embarassed By Donald Trump Pose As Canadians When Abroad

Fueling a spike in sales of all things Canadian, Americans going overseas are depleting store stocks, especially of sports gear, in the US and abroad. While visiting France, Brendy Wells and her boyfriend Scott Winter were soon tired of explainin...

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U.S. Citizens To Be Used As Anti-Terrorist Sentries Around Europe

French President Francois Hollande today thanked three U.S. citizens for their brave intervention on a packed Subway train after their actions thwarted a heavily armed terrorist and undoubtedly saved dozens of innocent lives. Mr Hollande wasted no...

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UK Visa Advice for American Tourists

Funny story: UK Visa Advice for American Tourists

Before embarking upon a UK holiday, here are a few things you should know about the Brits and their language differences. This knowledge may save you considerable embarrassment if you learn it well. MONEY: The Brits have peculiar words for many things. Money is referred to as "goolies" in slang, so you should for instance say, "I'd love to come to the pub but I aven't got any goolies." "Quid...

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Bigot Parents Are Having Yet Another Baby

Funny story: Bigot Parents Are Having Yet Another Baby

Chepenseki, TENN.-- Local morons , Roy and Teri Rosheen, have had yet another child. According to local sources, the couple plans on naming the creation something "unique" like "Unique" or "Randy". The precious and soon to be dimwitted child is t...

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12 out of 10 Americans Don't Believe in Statistics

Funny story: 12 out of 10 Americans Don't Believe in Statistics

ATLANTA, GA - According to a recent poll completed by The Atlanta Constipation, 12 out of 10 Americans don't believe in statistics. Some of the other interesting numbers in the poll: 68% of US citizens support child vaccines while 86% are oppos...

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TLC Audience Shoould be Lobotomized - Would Elevate America says Research

Funny story: TLC Audience Shoould be Lobotomized - Would Elevate America says Research

The Center for Cultural Analysis in Berne, Switzerland has today released research which suggests that the United States of America could rise to "a new era of greatness" were the entire viewing audience of TLC were to be lobotomised. The channel,...

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Excuses That Marine Tahmooressi Should Try on His Captors in Mexican Jail

Mexico - U.S. Marine Andrew Tahmooressi is still being held in a Mexican jail after making a wrong turn and ending up south of the border with three firearms in his vehicle. The following is some advice the marine might use to explain the mishap and,...

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Breaking news…

Putin Has Stopped Taking Trump's Calls

Even soul-less, sociopathic dictators have their limits.
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