KABUL, AFG. - After the death of their leader, Osama Bin-Laden, a few weeks ago, the terrorist organisation has finally been able to carry out its true dream. "We decided before [Bin-Laden joined] that we'd open up some food stores. You know, a ba...
LONDON - A local man, John Simmons, has stated to the press that he will not 'deactivate his MySpace' for the forseeable future. "After I heard that MySpace was losing hundreds of users a day, I felt kinda sorry for it, you know? I never use it -...
(Published 2030) LONDON (CO-SPONSORED BY MICROSOFT. MICROSOFT, LIFE WITHOUT WALLS) - The new government, consisting of various transnationals, have allowed public spending to increase due to the effect of product placements and ads plastered across p...
COVENTRY, W. MIDS., ENG. - A local secondary school has caused the entire Coventry city area to be put on lockdown after a new mutation has caused a harmless bacteria to morph into a pathogen. The pathogen classified as X/11-G, after the room (X)...
(Published 2014) EDINBURGH - A referendum by the Scottish National Party (SNP) has found out that 70% of Scotland want to become independent from the United Kingdom. However, Scotland has been fast-tracked to join the European Union (EU), and will...
Another song. Yeah. On a roll ain't I? "I'm Not Going to Come Up With a Song Title That Fits, Partly Because There Is No Line from the Chorus Full of Wit, That I Think Is That Good At Summing Up The Ideas Present In this Work, and I Feels That You Should Take That" I'm defining boundaries, I'm shaping the future, I'm going to do shit, I'm brilliant at this malarkey, In fact, I'm so post-...
Another song, I hear you yell? So soon? Why yes dear reader! According to my friend they're just poems. I disagree. They're just words written in verse and rhyme. Hopefully, some guy from a major label will see this and employ me, so until them these are poems. Or songs without music. They're something. This song is about heartbreak. To be fair, I haven't actually experienced it, but I've wa...
LONDON - After the Alternative Vote (AV) referendum results were released with 67% saying No and 21% saying Yes, many social scientists are commenting on the idiocy of the British public. "Wow..." said one, "Just wow. When given the chance to make...
(Published 2015) LONDON - The results of this years UK General Election are in, and a shocking revelation has occurred. The Conservatives have won power over the United Kingdom of England Wales and Northern Ireland, even though they got over a thi...
I like songs. I like writing songs even more. Okay, this is a poem-y thing, but it's... look, just read. I'm sure you can make up a tune in your head. "Mirror, Mirror" I'm a wreck, And insecurity, Hell, I've a vanity lift! Say that I'm amazing, Am I really worth for mating? 'Cause I can always stare into the... Mirror (mirror)! How amazing cool is my image? I'm not an iconoclast,...
NEW YORK - Abdel Al-Fayad, 25, was going to pay his respect to fellow New Yorkers killed on 11th September, when he was quickly handcuffed by New York City Police and sent to the local precinct. "I don't get what's the deal!" said Al-Fayad, speaki...
LONDON - Many newspapers and magazines have been hit by the internet, many losing circulation due to the free - and often professional - news to be found online. The Economist, a news magazine, was dubbed the magazine where 'never has so much, bee...
JAHANNUM, HELL - Bin-Laden, the world's most wanted man, was shot dead on Monday by United States elite forces. However, where is he now? Many of his cronies and followers would like him to be in heaven, lording it up with 40 virgins. No such...
BIRMINGHAM, ENG. - After reports that the United States has killed Bin-Laden, many thought that the Taliban and Al-Qauda would fall. However, they were mistaken. Just a few hours ago, three separate bombs exploded in the British city of Birming...
HONOLULU & WASHINGTON, D.C. - After the victory by Obama that the 'sideshow' of the Birthers have been laid to rest, they are still coming up with ways to wormhole out of this. "Hawaii isn't a state!" proclaimed one, while wearing a Tea Party...
Donald Trump, businessman, has released this document in respect to the fact that he could be the Republican's Presidential Candidate. According to Trump this will show that 'he has a clear plan.' ECONOMY, FINANCE & STATE/POLITICS - Rob oil from everywhere - Rob slaves from China - Shrink government to size of Secret Santa board - Create new jobs in gold-digging - Cut benefits - Cut...
TOKYO - After 77mn identities of PlayStation Network (PSN) users was stolen, including physical addresses, names, IP addresses, ages, and passwords, Sony got right onto finding out who hacked into one of the largest gaming networks. Sony had taken...
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