http://www.thespoof.com/ Spoof News and Political Satire Business Brief en Copyright 2013, TheSpoof.com Wed, 22 May 2013 20:30:11 GMT webmaster@thespoof.com webmaster@thespoof.com 60 http://www.thespoof.com/images/logo120x60.gif http://www.thespoof.com/ 120 60 Spoof News and Political Satire Writing Business Brief http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/114038/new-study-reveals-economy-not-improving-older-men-unable-to-afford-lavish-gifts-for-hot-young-women New Study shows signs that economy is still suffering. Evidence suggests that gift-giving by older men to hot-younger women has dropped huge percentage points, perhaps as high as 1/3 from before the recession. Offers of weekend getaways and shopping... Fri, 17 May 2013 04:27:37 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/114047/farquar-unravels-plot-at-walmart Harvey L. Farquar of Glenn Hills, Minnesota uncovered what may have been one of the more diabolical retailing plots known to mankind. Farquar realized that on every shopping occasion at Walmart, that he experienced some nasal discomfort, and he h... Fri, 17 May 2013 21:02:03 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/114100/americant-airlines-doesnt-want-you-in-the-cabin Spokesman Ann T. Sociale of Americant Airlines revealed a new price structure for domestic flights. The move is thought by staff here to be in response to a recent policy shift by another well known airline favoring passengers that do not bring bags... Mon, 20 May 2013 16:55:22 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113901/hohos-under-fire Gerald Reisenback, once the Production Coordinator at the Hostess Bakery Plant in Hot Springs, Arkansas, revealed during an employment interview with Homeland Security in Washington, D.C. that since the last HoHo was produced in the plant his life ha... Wed, 08 May 2013 20:24:27 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112342/the-u-s-demands-that-mexico-repay-the-13-7-million-loan WASHINGTON, D.C. - President Obama has contacted President Nacho Winslow of Mexico and reminded him about a loan that the United States made to Mexico in 2002. President Obama was referring to a $13.7 million loan that was given to Mexico to help... Sat, 02 Feb 2013 05:13:09 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112871/horse-meat-found-in-popular-fastfood-joints-mcshamrock-shake HOUSTON, TX - Continuing the string of alarming discoveries about the prevalence of horse meat found in consumer products, the fast food sector is now facing increased scrutiny over an FDA report citing horse meat detected in their seasonal 'McShamro... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 16:49:40 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113276/yoko-onos-designer-adult-diaper-line-bombs New York - The octogenarian artist is being sued over intellectual property rights to her latest line of geriatric sanitary wear by rival designers who allege plagiarism and, er, 'taking the piss'. Ono's super-absorbent incontinence pads were laun... Mon, 25 Mar 2013 21:24:29 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112758/bum-rap-as-nat-rothschild-loses-bumi-deal Indonesia - [Bumi Boiler Mess): Last seen frolicking with Peter 'Prince of Darkness' Mandelson and tanning his torso on Oleg Deripaska's Queen Special K ocean-going yacht Nat Rothschild's high flying city daze today suffered a spectacular belly flop. Thu, 21 Feb 2013 21:38:09 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112920/microsoft-retail-store-unable-to-open Two or three customers were disappointed this morning after a six-month old Microsoft retail store was unable to open for business. "There was a sign on the locked door that said, '0x74041161 Non-system Error'," said one customer, 24-year-old Ch... Sat, 02 Mar 2013 19:25:24 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112938/mobile-game-developer-can-upgrade-from-lite-to-full-defense-in-lawsuit-says-supreme-court In a bold and self-congratulatory move, a group of mobile gaming enthusiasts have sued Novio, the developer of the Angry Fowl series, for $50 million dollars, according to papers filed in New York Federal Court today. According to the suit, Novio... Sun, 03 Mar 2013 23:27:14 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112868/pope-snags-job-as-wal-mart-greeter Soon-to-be former Bishop of Rome, Successor of St. Peter, Head of the College of Bishops, Vicar of Christ, and Pastor of the Universal Church: Pope Benedict XVI has snagged a new part-time job as a Wal-Mart greeter at a superstore in Raleigh, North C... Wed, 27 Feb 2013 14:01:27 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113394/cyprus-banks-take-back-toasters-ruin-breakfast Nicosia, Cyprus - The shiny toasters that bank customers received for opening new accounts are being confiscated by the financial institutions that gifted them. Objective: to help ease this country's multibillion euro debt crisis. "No, this is not... Tue, 02 Apr 2013 17:01:00 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112530/every-major-us-airline-to-merge-what-it-means-for-you American Airlines, Delta, Southwest , US Airways, and United/Continental, are planning a mega-merger. The new airline will provisionally be called Delta Southwest United US, and control 70% of the air passenger business in the US. Delta Southwest... Sun, 10 Feb 2013 21:15:19 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113815/apple-announces-their-new-corporate-name CUPERTINO, California - A representative with Apple Inc. has just informed the news media that the consumer electronics giant will be changing their company name. Toby Columbus Pittypacker, 49, explained that after months of inner-corporate debati... Thu, 02 May 2013 05:46:45 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112392/argentina-freezes-prices-to-persuade-farmers-to-quit BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (MOT) - Argentina announced a price freeze on supermarket products Monday in an effort to break spiraling obesity. The price freeze applies to every product in all of the nation's largest supermarkets, the government's news... Tue, 05 Feb 2013 01:40:19 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112584/sars-virus-discovered-in-new-sars-flavored-cheerios ATLANTA, GA - Steny Tripinski, senior spokesperson for the Centers for Disease Control, has issue a new SARS alert, confirming that scientists have discovered evidence of a new SARS Virus in multiple boxes of latest breakfast cereal, 'SARS-Flavored C... Tue, 12 Feb 2013 18:17:14 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112753/russia-has-the-largest-money-washing-machine-on-the-planet-and-its-not-a-german-miele Russia is losing billions of "dirty dollars" annually because they are being washed by a huge machine run by a bunch of criminal Scrubbers. Russian billionaires, the Russian Mafia and other criminal organisations are making sure that their hard-e... Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:05:08 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112881/george-soros-betting-on-queens-st-davids-day-abdication New York - The billionaire's Soreass Fund Management Corp has taken a huge punt on the octogenarian Cold War figurehead's downfall tomorrow. It follows a blind tasting of his tea leaf reader's annual Loving Cup message that prompted Soros to move... Thu, 28 Feb 2013 15:11:09 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112511/viagra-pill-sales-surpass-mm-sales MIAMI - The Viagra Pill Board of America has just announced the results of a recent year-long research study. Ibbie Loretta Whitevelvet, 57, a representative with VPB of A stated that after close to 3,000 hours of extensive study, her agency has l... Mon, 18 Feb 2013 19:47:54 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112707/area-man-a-little-concerned-nike-only-now-withdrawing-pistorius-endorsement PHILADELPHIA, PA--Area man William Kevol expressed dismay today that Nike had only withdrawn its endorsement of Olympic gold medalist and accused murderer Oscar Pistorius Tuesday, noting than a murder charge should be "one of those things you get imm... Tue, 19 Feb 2013 01:09:00 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112329/whoa-traces-of-horse-meat-found-in-englands-burger-kings LONDON - A representative with Britain's Burger Bureau has reported that tests have shown that traces of horse meat have been found in some Burger King burgers. According to The Ta Ta For Now News Agency equine DNA in the form of M&M size mors... Fri, 01 Feb 2013 19:47:29 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113299/a-california-gynecologist-is-offering-a-fabulous-free-offer SHERMAN OAKS, California - Dr. Kerwin P. Differdinski, a gynecologist in Sherman Oaks, California has found a unique way to attract new customers and to keep the ones he already has. Dr. Differdinski, 43, recently stated that the number of tubal l... Fri, 29 Mar 2013 04:14:12 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113859/pills-are-us-reveals-new-product It has finally happened, and we knew it would The APA, American Pharmaceutical Association, revealed today that "Pills Are Us," a pharmaceutical company in Southbend, Oregon, which is just South of Bend, Oregon, after seven years of exhaustive res... Sun, 05 May 2013 15:33:58 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112426/want-to-be-a-sexual-olympian-try-bed-bull It's the ultimate beverage: an energy drink, sports drink, and Viagra-like sex boost in one can. Called Bed Bull, the product is scheduled to be launched this year. The drink is a potent cocktail of caffeine, electrolytes for athletic ability... Thu, 07 Feb 2013 11:36:52 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113860/walmarts-ingenious-scheme-to-push-impulse-buys Not to be outdone by Kroger's and some other grocery chains, Walmart has installed "infa-red" sensors in all of their stores, which will indicate the number of customers in the store, which will enable them to close lanes so that all open registers w... Sun, 05 May 2013 15:46:59 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113194/millions-of-cypriots-will-go-commando-as-eu-bailout-imposes-austerity-knicker-tax-says-seer Nicosia - A Cyprus psychic whose visions interpret supernatural omens by staring intently at expensive underwear has warned the nation will go commando rather than pay the new exorbitant levy on butt cover-ups. Nicholas Nicholaides, 69, known on t... Wed, 20 Mar 2013 18:59:01 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113204/patrons-boycott-computer-shop-because-of-installing-openoffice-instead-of-microsoft-office MYLITTLEPO, NY (Acme Quicknews) -- Patrons of the Reference Computer Shop protest in front of the shop because of the lack of installed software, especially regarding the open-source office application OpenOffice.org. One of the patrons, who wishe... Thu, 21 Mar 2013 05:51:57 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112349/chevron-eyes-scooter-libby-prosecutor-patrick-fitzgerald-to-fill-chuck-hagels-boots San Ramon - "You mean as in, er, 'With Concrete?' maybe?" bemused Big Oil sources quipped tonight as Chevron top brass reviewed the scalps Fitzie's notched up fighting organized crime in the last 30 years. This weekend the awesome former US Attor... Sat, 02 Feb 2013 21:04:26 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112420/costco-rotisserie-chicken-replaces-bald-eagle-as-national-bird The bald eagle has been the national bird of the US since 1782, but it will soon lose that official designation to the Costco rotisserie chicken. The National Board of Official Designated Stuff (NBODS) announced their decision to replace the eag... Wed, 06 Feb 2013 04:39:57 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112961/sequestration-castration-to-hit-hard-in-congress The dreaded Sequestration is upon us. Which is much like the feared Fiscal Cliff. Which is similar to the 2012 Mayan Apocalypse. Which is related to Y2K. Which is similar to the Bush II administration......wait a minute! That was a real disaster that... Tue, 05 Mar 2013 02:59:59 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/113277/bill-gates-funding-new-condom-design Bill Gates is funding a new condom design to be better and more comfortable than the old design. While enormously successful with previous ventures: computers and philanthropy, condom design may prove to be a greater challenge, sort of like: Can anyo... Mon, 25 Mar 2013 21:21:52 GMT http://www.thespoof.com/news/business/112482/walmart-accused-of-depleting-workforce-of-old-cranky-workers It's difficult enough to succeed at running a small business, but now some retailers say Walmart is depleting the supply of elderly, cantankerous employees. Heigorou "Hank" Murakami, who has owned a small hardware store for 27 years, said he rece... Fri, 08 Feb 2013 18:48:48 GMT