Mary Hinge

Screen Name: Mary Hinge

Mary Hinge has published 69 items on The Spoof.

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Latest Spoof News Story: Sunday 23rd August 2009

Spoofing since: Friday 27th March 2009

Profile: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I can tread water for three days in a row.

I woo men with my sensuous and goddess like trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute meals in less than twenty minutes. I am an expert in glue-sniffing, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.

Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding.

On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.

I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Children trust me.

I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.

I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the government.

I sleep once a week but when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Denmark, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.

I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.

I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Spain, cliff-diving awards in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have
played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.

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