Screen Name: Mary Hinge
Mary Hinge has published 69 items on The Spoof.
Check out Mary Hinge's:
Latest Spoof News Story: Sunday 23rd August 2009
Spoofing since: Friday 27th March 2009
Profile: I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention.
I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award-winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I can tread water for three days in a row.
I woo men with my sensuous and goddess like trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute meals in less than twenty minutes. I am an expert in glue-sniffing, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. When I'm bored, I build large suspension bridges in my yard. I enjoy urban hang gliding.
On Wednesdays, after work, I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I don't perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick, and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening.
I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the government.
I sleep once a week but when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Denmark, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic, and my bills are all paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full-contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down.
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prizewinning clams. I have won bullfights in Spain, cliff-diving awards in Sri Lanka, and chess competitions at the Kremlin. I have
played Hamlet, I have performed open-heart surgery, and I have spoken with Elvis.
Mary Hinge hasn't written anything in a while, so his/her news feed is seriously out of date!
If you want the latest up-to-the-minute spoof news, check out all our rss feeds.
While you're here, why not check our other Top Writers?
And if you've still got time on your hands, consider joining us as a writer, and make up your very own news stories!
Fire Brigade Called To Shopping Mall Bathroom As Hand Drier Pins Woman To CeilingA new generation of super-powerful hand driers were criticised yesterday after a woman was blown to the ceiling while drying her face. The Dison Mk.2 Tornado driers were being recalled yesterday.
Get Spoof News in your email inbox!