Screen Name: Justin Thyme

Justin Thyme has published 8 items on The Spoof.

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Latest Spoof News Story: Wednesday 4th April 2007

Spoofing since: Tuesday 6th March 2007

Location: Here and there

Profile: I began my life as my father and his father before him - as a Shepherd. I decided, however, that justin Thyme was catchier than Justin Shepherd so I changed my name.

In a remote village in Israel I began my trade - selling unleavened bread to villagers. I made no money so I endeavoured to boost sales by advertising my product. I wrote several ads and placed them in conspicuous locations around the village and waited for the cash to start flowing. It didn't. Apparently Corned beef on rye is tastier than corned beef on hardtack.

One day this fellow approached me and said I wrote excellent ads. I was very excited and asked how many loaves he wanted. He said, "none - but you write well." Clearly defeated he then said I should concentrate on a new approach to sales and that I could find the answer within myself. His name was Cane and I found him to be full of crap.

With that I began packing up my breads and in doing so put a bottle of Evian on one. Much to my surprise the bread absorbed the condensation from the cool water and protected my end table. Turns out old Cane wasn't a crazy yutz after all and there was my new product. Since they sogged out after one use I came up with the idea of disposable coasters. I got right to work with the new ad campaign and sales soard! I now have enough money to last the rest of my life - as long as I die next week.

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Microwave Attachment Eliminates Need For Head Shaving

Hyram B. Dison's invention, which eliminates daily head shaving, is now on sale. "Microcaps" use a microwave to defoliate scalps with a rubber skull attachment similar to ones used in electric chairs.

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